To think picking a 4yr old child up by their arm and throwing them on a sofa

[devonsmummy]

is totally unreasonable - followed by 4 mansize smacks to the bottom?

I was beaten by my mother at your son's age. She would throw me down the stairs from the age of 2 or 3 (I have a scar onmy forehead) she would beat me with objects, she woulds smack me and shout at me. I never did anything wrong- this was all about her issues.
I didn't 'get over it' it was serious abuse, it got worse when my stepfather started abusing me and being violent and culminated in me becoming very suicidal and depressed, and having extremely severe anorexia nervosa from the age of 8 until 18.

It's only now that I am nowhere near my abusers that I feel somehow 'over it' but still the pattern of being abused has now followed me and I have absolutely no self esteem, so my career is all over the place, I ended up with a DP who beat me

You must protect your son from this, it will affect him profoundly. Your role is to protect him and keep him safe.

And you stay with your 'd'h because???

At what point does this level of violence stop being acceptable to you? By allowing your dh to behave in this way towards your ds you are complicit as if you had hit him yourself. If your dh won't get help for his anger then you need to do what is required to protect your child and get your dh to move out.

If he had done this to a grown man the police would have been called and he would have been charged with assault.

I suggest you make a phone call because your son has no one else to defend him.

My blood is boiling.

you have to put a stop to that behaviour. whether he goes or you go or you get ss in to read the riot act to him...

you need some support for you. you need to listen to what people have said on here about it not being acceptable and you need to get support so you can do something.

Unfortunately the responsibility lies with you to protect your children. not an easy responsibility to hold.

I wouldn't ever feel the same way about my DH if he ever did that to one of our boys. It would kill all the love and respect.

Not acceptable. What would you do if your 'D'H hit you four times and threw you on the sofa?

The fact that your DS is a child makes it worse, not better. You have a responsibility to protect your child from harm - you need to think very hard and carefully about how you do that.

My god he retched afterwards :(

Do you realise what could have happened if he had gone into shock? This is very, very serious. Your h is a sick man actually, to attack a defenceless child so severely and not feel any remorse.

I'll say this, smacking will cause your child to fear you, which discipline out of fear does nothing but cause a broken relationship and bad memories.

I was smacked regularly as a child, I used to tantrum and throw things occasionally. I did this though because I wanted attention from my mother, I wanted love and my mother just didn't have the time.

Do NOT let your husband smack your child, ever. He probably has no idea of the long-term effects it can have on them.

You really need to ask? Of course it's bloody unreasonable!

Please don't try and find excuses for your H's violent behaviour there aren't any.

As other's have said, you have a responsibility to protect your child. Do you really want your DS growing up thinking that this kind of behaviour is normal?

If my DP ever raise a hand to our DC he would be kicked out of the house there and then and would not be allowed back in.

I am so an for your DS. FFS deal with this now before any more damage is done

op...i wish you'd come back and talk to us.....sorry,in did a quick search of your posts as i vaguely remember you from before. you have had previous trouble with this man.....you have wanted to leave......come back to talk to us

I was beaten as a child. My Mother never protected me, she just let him do it. Our relationship has never recovered. We are not close.

There is no excuse for behaviour like that - PROTECT YOUR CHILD

Even if he was abused himself, that is no excuse. I was abused physically and mentally, I do not hit or bully my children and would leave DH if he ever did (although he never would, he's the most gentle man I've ever known) History does not have to repeat itself.

Oh blimey so this isn't the 1st time this man has behaved unacceptably.

devonsmummy please come back and talk. There are lots of people who can support you and offer you practical avice so that you can make a happier life for you and your DS - and you both deserve to be happy.

Blathers :( that's so sad.

I'm shocked that you even have to ask if that behaviour is appropriate. Of course it is not.

That poor boy. By stayign with this 'man' you are showing your ds that you think it's ok. Do you really want your ds to be living in a house where he's afraid he'll be the victim of physical aggression? I don't care that he's never hit you. He's hitting a 4 year old. Absolute wanker.

No OP that is not in any way acceptable. Yes a whinging child does grate but smacking child 4 times and throwing him on the sofa was way over board and I couldn't stay with someone like and neither should you :( poor ds

If my DH did something like that to DS (which I'm certain he never would) he would be given a very clear ultimatum: ever do anything vaguely like it again i would pack his bags and make him leave.

I completely agree that whining children can severely test your patience but you should never resort to violence or being aggressive back. Walk out of the room and take 5, 10, 15 mins to calm down if you need to.

It's OK Alouise, it's over now - and it will never be repeated.

I think it is the combination that irks me, the throwing then smacking. I have no issue with smacking bottoms as long as it is done on the rarest of ocassions and only on bottoms or leg areas. The throwing bit seems unreasonable to me, especially followed by smacks. I would be and to see that.

If the throwing had been done in jest, children generally can take it, I think it is more the fact that the person is doing it out of anger that is horrible for the child.

I would talk to your husband ASAP and see what response you get, that will tell you if you need to take further action.

Smacking is ok if done very sparingly and not like this with the throwing. I would be furious with my DP if he ever did that and we were both smacked very regularly as children (he wouldn't though). I find it a little alarming TBH and he would have more than four smacks to worry about from me.

Woah just read OP's last two posts

WTF! I would knock him the hell out if it were my child!

You were already punishing him and he thinks this is what your child needs?

He sounds like an abuser to me.

There is a huge difference in a smacked bum and what he as done to your child!

You need to get out of the with your dc now!!!

If youre concerned about your lo stop complaining bout it on mn and get out of the house before ss take him into foster care.

Please don't let your little boy be abused like this. I know that 4 year olds can be a pain but it would have been quite enough to say, cheerfully "No, you know you can't play that game so lets go and find something else to do, shall we?" - that way you distract the child and avoid 5 minutes of whining.

I detest smacking for the simple reason that it can easily leave children thinking that physical violence is a valid solution but I wouldn't condemn anyone who has smacked very sparingly and while in complete control. This was a beating and there's never an excuse for the sort of domestic violence that the OP describes.