To think picking a 4yr old child up by their arm and throwing them on a sofa

[devonsmummy]

is totally unreasonable - followed by 4 mansize smacks to the bottom?

[GypsyMoth]

mummy2bookie.......you are over reacting!! she needs support not to be told to get off MN!!!!

[theoldbrigade]

Is this a rhetorical question ? !
Of course this is abuse and in your heart you know this situation cannot continue.
Seek help - now !

[exoticfruits]

It is abuse and you should get help. Adults need to control their temper.

[ensure]

I think your DP needs anger management classes. And / or you should leave, to be honest.

[dontcallmepeanut]

0808 2000 247 - Women's Aid. I suggest you phone it ASAP...

Anyone ever laid a finger on my son iin that manner, and they'd be enjoying a nice trip to the police station about now.

[nulliusxinxverbax]

Ok, Ill answer this from a different angle.

If you let this go, it will get worse, it always does.
If DH is not hitting you, actually, that will just fuck your child up even more, because he will think "why does daddy only hit me? he hates me"

And when your son grows up, it will be YOU he hates. Because you didnt protect him, you let it happen.
He will see you as the weak one who was too selfish to leave.
I am speaking from experience (oh and by the way....my dad did what you are describing, exactly to me, aged 3. By 4, he strangled me untill I stopped breathing. You think about that.)

[Mobly]

Devonsmummy, you know it's beyond unreasonable, it's abusive. Are you starting this thread to show your H? Your posts are very unemotional and matter of fact and I'm wondering what your motivations are exactly.

[ChippingInMistressSteamMop]

I think she's worn down by this man and he has her convinced HE is always right and SHE is always wrong, to the point where she doesn't know which was is up :(

However, DevonsMummy, you have been told quite clearly which was is up... now you need to take some action. Please, if not for your own sake, for that of your DS :(

[loveabitofcake]

my dh would be out the door if he did this to our dd,i wouldn,t let him hit me so why would i allow him to abuse our child,its your place to protect your child,sort it out

[theoldbrigade]

Let's take a deep breath people - very easy to say this is abusive - as we all do of course . The very fact Devonsmummy has extended a hand for help in even such a small way as this site should be applauded I feel.

A little humanity would not go amiss.

[FabbyChic]

Tell your husband that if he physically hits the child again you will have him for assault, the fact that you allow this to happen by still being with this man is appalling.

You are a party to this because you are still living under the same roof as a child abuser, that is what he is A CHILD ABUSER.

I hope you are happy with yourself.

[GypsyMoth]

ofgs!!!!!!!!!!

[DooinMeCleanin]

'And when your son grows up, it will be YOU he hates. Because you didnt protect him, you let it happen.
He will see you as the weak one who was too selfish to leave.' - yup I can second that.

I don't hate my mum. I adore her. I pity her. I have very little respect for her as a parents, how can I respect her when she allowed a man more than three times my size to beat me? I do blame her for my childhood. I do blame her for issues that I have now. I do blame her for my sister being in an abusive relationship and thinking it's normal. It's all she knows.

However I also understand why she didn't leave. She had been worn down and down until there was nothing of herself left. If you think in anyway that staying with a man who thinks this sort of behaviour is okay is acceptable, then you need some help.

Please call WA or see your GP about counselling.

DH smacks. I don't like it, I don't do it. But what he does a tap on the bottom for severe bad behaviour, not a beating for being uspet. If he ever layed hands on them in temper I would kill him.

[GypsyMoth]

dooin....you are as bad then!!! smacking is smacking....its violence still,the pressure of the 'smack' matters not!!! and you sit by and watch it.....

[icancancan]

agree with the old brigade, chipping and mobly - the OP has posted this to probably sound out opinions. believe it or not, for some people, this is how they were brought up and it is almost 'normal' behaviour as adults to smack, hit and worse as this is all they know how to do in terms of discipline. The OP has clearly received the message from here that this is not right and is abusive and has received some good practical advice about how to deal with it for her sons sake (and her own). I hope you are ok OP - are you able to access this advice easily?
FWIW, I think nullius and dooinmecleanin are brave for sharing their own experiences as children and this should give the OP all the ammunition and strength she needs to help her sort this terrible situation out.

[ChippingInMistressSteamMop]

ILT - there are plenty of threads on smacking - please don't confuse the issue here. What DM's H did to their son was not 'smacking'. Only Dooin knows whether what goes on in her house is smacking or abuse and I assume as she's posting about it, it's smacking. Here is not the place to debate smacking.

[GypsyMoth]

chipping.......why are you telling me what to post???

doin....it can escalate you know,once it starts.

all giving the child the same message i'm afraid....

[ChippingInMistressSteamMop]

ILoveTiffany - I didn't tell you what to post, I asked you not to confuse the issue by starting a debate about smacking.

It's also CRAP that smacking escalates into abuse, it's also UTTER CRAP that doing what the OP's H does and smacking a child send the same message.

[dearyme]

lol at " I would knock my husband out if he lifted a finger to kids"


yes dear, lead by example

[FabbyChic]

Any form of touching a child in anger which is what smacking is is abuse.

Sorry, but smacking is abuse.

There are other ways to discipline children other than physical harm, and smacking is physical harm.

[DooinMeCleanin]

I am aware it can escalate. I have made my displeasure known to DH. He is well aware if he ever hits them in temper, or marks them in anyway, he will never see his children unsupervised again. He knows I am serious.

What he does is entirely different to what the op described. He tells them he is not happy with x, y or z. If they continue they are warned that if they do it again they will get a smacked bottom. If they still continue, they get a smacked bottom.

Dd1 has told me she actually prefers this punishment to my grounding her or taking away her toys . Dd2 normally just screeches at him. Neither of them are afraid of him.

[LDNmummy]

"dooin....you are as bad then!!! smacking is smacking....its violence still,the pressure of the 'smack' matters not!!! and you sit by and watch it....."

Nonsense, not all smacking equals abuse, and this is coming from someone who experienced severe emotional, psychological and physical abuse as a child and through formative years (took years to get over and still going through the motions). If you smack sparingly (as in hardly ever, like once or twice a year) and only in extreme cases of bad behaviour, it is not abuse in an actual sense at all. I lived through severe abuse and I know the difference.

I doubt I could actually smack my child after what I experienced growing up, it would stir too many feelings in me, but if my child did something inexcusable, I might smack them once on the bottom, but then I am only speculating I just do not think a minor smack on the bottom is abuse.

What the OP has described is abuse IMO though.

[GypsyMoth]

chipping it is noy crap.....but you believe what you like

i will post what i like....

[GypsyMoth]

yes,some people like to try and justify it fabby,sadly