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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i want my dd to wear pretty things in her hair

225 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/04/2011 11:04

everything i put in her hair, she pulls out.
her fringe is long and gets in her eyes, can't get it cut as she will not stay still long enough.

i just wants her hair to look nice, instead of it looking like the end of a mop

OP posts:
Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 04/04/2011 12:14

I agree with hippy. Its not that bigger deal. I don't think putting clips in hurt an's I don't think op has any intention to hurt her daughter. She's a little girl, and like it or not will be brought up yo behave like a girl. I don't undersand the problem. Playing hairdressers sounds good.

dittany · 04/04/2011 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swallowedAfly · 04/04/2011 12:18

This reply has been deleted

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dittany · 04/04/2011 12:21

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HaggisNeepsnTatties · 04/04/2011 12:25

Lol, both my DDs are far from sugar and spice!!

seeker · 04/04/2011 12:25

"She's a little girl, and like it or not will be brought up yo behave like a girl"

And how exactly does a girl behave?

duchesse · 04/04/2011 12:33

The cut her hair short and low-maintenance and let her get on with enjoying her childhood instead of trying to make her into a reflection of what you want. If she's a tomboy, what on earth is to be gained by forcing her to be girly??? This kind of bizarre transferance from mother onto daughter really gets my goat. It's not about you, it's about her and her comfort. If she's not comfortable wearing clips, then get creative about the problem.

rockinhippy · 04/04/2011 12:54

you presume too much - no pretty pink boxes around here -

I was the kid who from about 4 onwards dressed as a boy - much to my mothers horrorGrin - was p'd off that teddybears where all male, so at 6 slashed mine down his front & made him some boobs - made female snowmen - & a female Guy FawkesConfused for penny for the Guy - & made a fortune - much to my Mums embarrassment :)

DD has grown up for the most part seeing me in jeans & cowboy/bike boots, okay maybe a bit of lippy, but around here the Guys wear that tooGrin - I may dress up when I go out which just didn't happen in the early years, when by your evaluation I would have be brainwashing her into her "pretty pink box" - theres nothing in the least bit pink & girly about our home & she wasn't exposed to TV in her early years

So her very girly tastes come only from HER, not anything she has been exposed to or forced into - she has been very much "sugar & spice" which I've got to admit was a bit of a shock to my system, my Mum loved it though - & though changing as getting old, but still very girly but of her doing, not ours -

so your drum banging about brainwashing our kids into gender forced roles - just doesn't hold true there at all -

have you never actually considered that for many little girls it is actually just their nature & by brainwashing your own DDs (presuming you have them) into being anything other than what is natural for them, you are actually doing exactly what you accuse the OP & the rest of us Mums of girly girls of doing ??

dittany · 04/04/2011 13:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisIsANiceCage · 04/04/2011 13:01

You're missing the point, rockinhippy.

You weren't forced into boxes, neither was your daughter. Jolly good. How it should be.

But some people here are describing bringing up daughters in boxes. "She's a little girl, and like it or not will be brought up yo behave like a girl"

That's what other people are challenging.

onehotmomma · 04/04/2011 13:03

At that age op my daughter yanked everything out of her hair, now she is 4.8 and she always has a pretty clip/headband in her hair (her choice)

rockinhippy · 04/04/2011 13:04

my last post wasn't directly soley at you dittany (not unless you've a few sock puppets going on too) but all that are taking the gender stereotyping stance -

& you're wrong on all counts

TeddyMcardle · 04/04/2011 13:10

Can I just say thanks for the killing us softly advertising video posted earlier, very very interesting.

rockinhippy · 04/04/2011 13:10

I've only seen 1 poster make that type of remark thisisanicecage & yes in that instance I would agree with you, but then my argument wouldn't be about gender stereotyping, but about not allowing DCs to be themselves & that in ANY instance is sad :( & will no doubt come back & bite the parents on the bum in future

Things to do must get my pinny on & dig out my feather duster -

jokingGrin

dittany · 04/04/2011 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 04/04/2011 13:14

Gosh Dittany, you make it sound like child abuse.....Hmm

sprinkles77 · 04/04/2011 13:15

Pick your battles: there are more important things to expend your energy on. My mother often made me wear stuff I hated. It was all part of preventing me being who I was. Oh did it back fire with some serious rebellion from aged about 14 to my 30's. Be warned.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/04/2011 13:15

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ThisIsANiceCage · 04/04/2011 13:31

Another thanks for that Killing Us Softly video, dittany. Easy to watch, as you said, and absolutely fascinating.

rockinhippy · 04/04/2011 13:45

No Dittany you a VERY wrong there (& I said not soley) I hadn't actually realised I'd made 2 quotes from your post, happily holds hands up now I realise I have :)

my problem with this type of OTT reaction is not some sort subversive form of self hatred, because I am personally guilty as chargedHmm

but because the more Women like yourself over react in situations like the OPs post & are so stuck in your own hole as regards your view being the only one worth listening too & understanding that little girls CAN CHOOSE to be Girly, because they are self assured enough to be able too -

the louder you bang that drum of yours over the more silly issues, for the larger population it becomes monotonous, smacks loudly of the looney front & the less you are listened too & taken seriously over the REAL issues & sadly you do no-one any favours in that :(

& no Stewie not naive, our friends have teens & I'm already aware of what goes down & DD has already had that sort of negative comments from her peers, its part & parcel of life, & yes I agree that parent that allow it are raising nasty little bullies, but you've also have to look beyond that - often its out of jealousy - DD has thick healthy waist length hair, her class mate started to target her & name call after her Mum cut her own hair short - the Kid was jealous - its no coincidence that now the girls hair is longer again, she dotes on DD & they are again friends :)

Deliainthemaking · 04/04/2011 13:49

wow this has gotten heated

ragged · 04/04/2011 13:54
SardineQueen · 04/04/2011 14:06

FGS rockinhippy there is a difference between saying

Girls should never be allowed to have anything "pretty" even if they beg and plead

and

Girls shouldn't have it reinforced from day 1 that being pretty is so vitally important that they should put up with discomfort in order to achieve it

I haven't seen anyone say the first thing, you can claim it has been said as many times as you like but that won't make it so. OTOH many people are making the second point, which is perfectly valid.

rockinhippy · 04/04/2011 14:12

Sardinequeen I'm very glad to hear that - my very first post said exactly that - 2nd example that is - & some of the replies HAVE been very OTT & do come across more like your first example - others seem to have picked up on that too

anyhoo - tired of this now & do need to get off

I'll shall leave you all too it :)

dontdisstheteens · 04/04/2011 14:15

Fantastic video. Thanks