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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i want my dd to wear pretty things in her hair

225 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/04/2011 11:04

everything i put in her hair, she pulls out.
her fringe is long and gets in her eyes, can't get it cut as she will not stay still long enough.

i just wants her hair to look nice, instead of it looking like the end of a mop

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/04/2011 13:36

FFS, hair clips are about keeping the hair out of a Childs face.

dittany · 03/04/2011 13:39

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babybythesea · 03/04/2011 13:40

My dd is two and has a mop of curls that are constantly in her eyes. I cannot get her to keep anything in it either - I'm not that bothered about how she looks in the sense of whether she looks pretty, but I am bothered about how she looks out from underneath it. I cut her fringe when she lets me - a sort of viewing window - and make lots of comments afterwards about how much nicer it is for her without all her hair in her eyes. Her hair isn't getting longer - the curls just get tighter and tighter as it grows, and more and more wild. But it's not the end of the world - one day a clip will stay in and she will realise how much easier life is when she doesn't have to keep pushing it out of her face. The joys of toddlerhood!

Rhinestone · 03/04/2011 13:54

Well she doesn't want to wear 'pretty things' in her hair so maybe lay off? Does it actually matter?

SoupDragon · 03/04/2011 13:55

no, because little boys usually have short hair out of their eyes.

dittany · 03/04/2011 13:57

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JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 03/04/2011 13:58

YAB a bit U, but i completely understand, my dd is 2yr 4mnths and i gave up and had her fringe cut she wriggled, its wonky Sad but shes far happier, one day she will wear pretty clips and i will be in my element, i just need some patience or i can do ds beautiful long hair instead

dittany · 03/04/2011 13:59

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Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 14:03

I love how mumsnet goes all over the top an mad about the simplest things. The op wants pretty things in her dd's hair. One to keep it out her eyes and two to look pretty. And it gets turned into some gender equality issue! Op, if you want pretty things in her hair, put them in fwiw it doesn't hurt to make the most of yourself in life, especially as a woman and wether it's fair or not, you will probably Have an easier ride as a woman if your attractive. So teaching a child to take pride in their appearance and make the most of themselves isn't a bad thing (flame away now) what if you put the clips in your hair and show her. Will she copy you? My nieces want everything that I do.?!?

dittany · 03/04/2011 14:07

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missmyoldname · 03/04/2011 14:09

My DD used to try and eat any clips I put in her hair up until the age of about 2.5yo! I was petrified she would choke on one, so I got her fringe cut.

I did it myself a few awful times (tantrums, pinning down etc) as I was too scared to take her to the hairdresser. But then a friend recommended a mobile hairdresser who was great with kids. As it turned out, and with the right bribes, DD was fine, and has had a fringe ever since. She looks gorgeous, but I would say that Grin.

buttonmooncup · 03/04/2011 14:13

My dd does have short hair where it goes around her eyes - isn't that what a fringe is? The rest of it is long but only because I don't want to cut her precious locks unless necessary . DS is just 1 and is already amassing quite a lot of curls so I guess I'll have to trim his fringe soon. I will draw the line at putting flowery clips in his hair when he's older though because I don't want him to have the shit kicked out of him - shoot me!
I think we should encourage kids of both sexes to have a pride in their appearance.

doggiesayswoof · 03/04/2011 14:14

Hahaha

It gets "turned into" a gender equality issue because it is one

She's not even 2 yet, jeez, leave her hair be.

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 14:14

Didn't mean it like that [Blush]

doggiesayswoof · 03/04/2011 14:17

I'm sorry blackcoffee, I didn't mean that to sound nasty.

It's just a bit depressing, the idea that girls have to be taught to make themselves pretty because life will be easier for them that way

I want it to stop.

dittany · 03/04/2011 14:24

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Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 14:32

Oh no I didn't sound nasty! I agree with you, i wish it wasn't that way, but it is. Always has been and I fear it always will be. It's just fact.

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 14:36

Dittany, that what I mean, it did do something for you compared to others. I'm not saying everyone should be models. But there is no such thing as an ugly woman. Just lazy ones. And if children (and two is very young) are encouraged to tak pride in their appearance than they will have a slightly easie time of life.

Underachieving · 03/04/2011 14:38

"Have an easier ride as a woman if your attractive."

I love the way other women say that. I was a model in my teens, admittedly a fairly low-ranking part-time one, not a supermodel, but I think I'm probably within my rights to say I was pretty.

Pretty girls are seen by a sector of men as public property. I have lost count of the number of men in pubs whose throats have benfited from the horizontal help of my right forearm on the way to the wall- because that's what it took to to get them off me. Slamming grown men up against pub walls with an arm across thier throat has never been a skill I have wanted my daughters to have to learn, but being as how they are both stunners far prettier than I ever was they are going to have to. Or they can just accept a groping, after all what's a pretty girl for if not to be f*cked by men?

Oh and then there's the jealousy of other women, I spent most of my late teens and early 20's protesting to my peers and teachers "but I do eat, I eat loads" and I did. More than my Dad who works a manual job. Before anyone says it I have never, ever stuck my fingers down my throat either- ew! The whining jealousy is an irritation, but the spiteful jealousy was worse. Like the time when a really fat girl I sort of knew leaned over and deliberately burned my thigh with a lit ciggarettes at a party. She passed it off as an accident but later admitted it was a deliberate assault because I was getting the attention she wanted. That bloody hurt! Especially the melted nylon from my tights!

And the suprise when sitting in job interviews as potential employers read my exam results- I got asked for proof about twice as often as my friends. then if you did get the job there was always some old pervert who honestly thought this was still the 70's and the mere hint of a pay rise would part me from my pants. Pretty girls are not only thick, they have no values Doncha Know.

Oh the easy ride that is being pretty eh.

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 14:49

I'm talking from experience. (and I bet as a model you earnt more than you friends at that age) I was massively over weight and clumsy as a child. I was brought up to wear what I want and do what I want. And I wish I wasnt. I was teased horribly and in my teens treated awfully by men as I had very low self esteem and self worth. When I was 18 I lost 8 stone. My life dramatically improved. People actually gave m the time of day. I realised that men had to earn my respect and wasn't greatfull for just anyone. I learnt how to make the most of myself and was happier. Am happier. I also have gotten to places in my career that had I not lost weight and sorted my image I simply would not have done. One because I work in an idustry where image is everything and I simply (rightly or wrongly) I would not have been employed. And i am so much more confidant in myself. I know my self worth. Yes life is easier if your more attractive. Not easy, not perfect. It has a new set of problems like you said. But generally speaking. It opens more doors for you

dittany · 03/04/2011 14:54

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vaginiasmonalogue · 03/04/2011 15:01

Wow, people are really getting excited over this hairclip issue. Gender equality ffs. The poor woman is talking about hairclips. Get a grip (no pun intended.

Sainsburys do some supergrip type ones that stay in easily. Not exactly pretty and flowery or anything Sad but do the job.

vaginiasmonalogue · 03/04/2011 15:06

My girls like glitter and hairclips and if I allowed them to, they would wear fairy dresses every day of the week! I wonder if I should tell them they have a messed up set of values....

Underachieving · 03/04/2011 15:17

I find it totally msiguided to equate self esteem with attractiveness and I would worry about how rounded the development of any daughters could be where self esteem is all about appearance.

I believe value is invested in several human qualities, including honor and persistance. Serena Williams is scarily butch, Marie Curie was plain, Mother Theresa was wrinklier than a bulldog, and I wouldn't even know where to start with Magaret Thatcher. Should my daughters achievements in life mirror any of these womens I will be delighted. Should my daughters grow up to be another Naiomi Campbell, Britney Spears or Megan Fox (all undeniably beautiful) I will be giving long and hard thought to where I went wrong.

Anaxagora · 03/04/2011 15:28

My 7yo has a short pixie crop (her choice). She is the only, the only girl in Y2 who doesn't have at least shoulder-length hair. You would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) at the amount of grief she gets for this off other children, and stupid comments even from adults. She's not particularly bothered cos she's happy with her choice, but it does annoy her, and she's sort of aware that she's making a choice that isn't socially-sanctioned (though she has George in the Famous Five as her role model, I think).

The whole gender roles thing will establish itself early enough, and not always in a good way, so don't start it any earlier than you have to. And be warned, that whole 'Disney-fairy-ballerina-cinderella-princess' vibe that the shops like to market to 6yo girls shades very seamlessly into the 'my little prostitute' look that shops like marketing to 9yo girls. Steer clear while you have the chance.