Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i want my dd to wear pretty things in her hair

225 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/04/2011 11:04

everything i put in her hair, she pulls out.
her fringe is long and gets in her eyes, can't get it cut as she will not stay still long enough.

i just wants her hair to look nice, instead of it looking like the end of a mop

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 03/04/2011 15:29

I'm not saying everyone should be models. But there is no such thing as an ugly woman. Just lazy ones.

That wins the award for being the most Shock thing I have read on MN for a very long time....
where are you, the 1950's????

I was going to say my DD only has stuff in her hair when she wants it...its her hair.

CheerfulYank · 03/04/2011 15:35

I understand where Dittany, et al, are coming from, but I think there is a line between wanting your child to look "like a pretty lil princess" (vom) and just wanting them to look like someone takes care of them.

When I was small my mother went through a terrible bout of depression. I went to school with a snarled rat's nest of a hairdo, clothes stained and too small, etc. She did not care or notice what I looked like, and it showed. It was awful.

So I make sure DS always has a neat haircut, clothes that look nice, etc. DH has said "who cares if his clothes match?!" But I do. I want him to look cared for, I want him to not feel what I felt. And if I ever have a DD, I will probably want her hair to look semi-tidy, whether it's through clips or a bob.

And underachieving that's awful. :( I have a friend who's very pretty. She couldn't be a nicer, more down to earth person, but people always assume she's a b*tch.

alexpolismum · 03/04/2011 15:37

that was a great post. Why indeed should a girl's self esteem be tied up with her appearance?

And why should a girl need to wear things in her hair in order to look 'pretty'? This is a 2-year-old! Surely she is too busy running about to consider 'prettiness'???

dittany · 03/04/2011 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MigratingCoconuts · 03/04/2011 15:39

My DD goes to school neat and clean. Beyond that, what she wears in her hair is up to her.
but she isn't particularly into Barbie princesses...much more dragond/dinos and all things cold blooded...

I would never want to force baubles on her...

SardineQueen · 03/04/2011 15:59

How about a bit of reverse psychology?

My mum was always poncing around with my hair, I hated it. Now I like to be clean and hair brushed but I haven't done all the faffing about since the obligatory period in my teens.

So my daughter gets hair brushed and I'm not fussed about clips and things. However she is... She is 3 and frequently tells me how she wants her hair done, what accessories to use etc. Where she has got this from I have no idea.

So maybe the best advice is, if you want a girly girl, lay off. If you want an unadorned natural looking person, start pressing sequined ballet dresses and sparkly hairbands from the word go... Grin

tinierclanger · 03/04/2011 16:04

If her hair is in her eyes and she doesnt like clips, just cut the fringe. This seems so simple to resolve!

You can fanny about with stuff in it when she's old enough to want it, IF she wants it - as others have said, she's not a dolly.

noodle69 · 03/04/2011 16:12

My daughter doesnt like it either. I put bobbles in so she has her hair in a pony so she doesnt get nits for nursery but she hates it. It sometimes looks a bit wonky but it doesnt matter really.

dittany · 03/04/2011 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unrulysun · 03/04/2011 16:40

Shave it off.

Katy1368 · 03/04/2011 16:51

YANBU - my DD has always had really long hair even as a young baby and I LOVE making it look nice, plaiting it or putting bobbles/clips etc- in it. I've never cut it once. Long hair is better than a fringe anyway - you constantly have to trim the bloody thing to keep it out of their eyes and it spends all its time sticking up, and they get all hot and sweaty in summer. Don't think people should be all preachy and judgemental just because you want your daughter to look nice. Mum's who want to go for short cuts on girls - fine by me. I wouldn't for my DD but I don't care what others do and they shouldn't have a go for you wanting to pop some clips in. Honestly....

Lovethesea · 03/04/2011 17:06

I still remember having clips put in my very fine hair when small - they slid out in seconds, were utterly useless and often tugged the hair painfully.

DD is 2.5 and I have no intention of clipping anything in her mad wavy hair until she wants me to. I am currently working out which way it'll all grow in the end as she has a spiral crown, then I'll cut it if it's irritating her eyes. Otherwise I look forward to many more photos of her insane professor look.

swallowedAfly · 03/04/2011 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dittany · 03/04/2011 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vaginiasmonalogue · 03/04/2011 17:57

So many of you seem to believe that trying to be girly and pretty is a bad thing. Surely you shouldn't have to TRY and be as ungirly as possible in order to be taken seriously. Doesn't this defeat the object??

I have a pixie crop as does my dd in year 4. DD in yr 7 plays competitive football and competes and wins against boys. DD's who are 4 and 6 want to be princesses cos they like them. Are they at a disadvantage and less likely to be good at things as the others?

Flisspaps · 03/04/2011 18:06

vaginiasmonologue It's because, quite wrongly, being girly and pretty is often equated with being shallow, weak and stupid.

Your DDs who want to be princesses are no less likely to be good at things as the others, however they may be TREATED differently by the outside world because of their love of pink sparkly things.

dittany I often find myself thinking that you are too militant when I read your posts, however this particular issue I can absolutely see, and agree with, your point.

MigratingCoconuts · 03/04/2011 18:07

vagina, no, I think what we have been objecting to is the idea of forcing girly clips onto a girl who doesn't want them just because we think it looks pretty.

I have no objection to my girl (5) wearing clips but it is her hair and her choice, not mine. Its only my responsibility to make her her style practical, clean and comfortable for her (currently, a fringe bob, which is a style she chose for the past 6 months, now she wants to grow it longer again..which is also fine)

MigratingCoconuts · 03/04/2011 18:09

they are dirty mucky children having fun, for heavens sake...not beauty pageant contestants.

dittany · 03/04/2011 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/04/2011 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 03/04/2011 18:23

Wait until your DD is asleep. Trim the hair that gets into her eyes.

swallowedAfly · 03/04/2011 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Katy1368 · 03/04/2011 18:31

Sticking clips in kids hair is a massive issue with emotional and physical health implications - please!! Better line up the shrinks for my girl soon then! Get some perspective people.

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 03/04/2011 18:34

Katy - am with you. Talk about over reacting!! it's only hair clips FFS....

AnyoneforTurps · 03/04/2011 18:34

This is a fantastic book for showing how we force even very young children into gender stereotypes. It's well written and not at all preachy. Though it's out of print, it's still available second-hand. There's a Good Girl

This affects boys too - research shows that babies are cuddled less if adults are told they are boys - regardless of their actual sex Sad