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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i want my dd to wear pretty things in her hair

225 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/04/2011 11:04

everything i put in her hair, she pulls out.
her fringe is long and gets in her eyes, can't get it cut as she will not stay still long enough.

i just wants her hair to look nice, instead of it looking like the end of a mop

OP posts:
vaginiasmonalogue · 03/04/2011 18:35

lol katy.... i only we'd all been born butch, we'd all be more successfull ant level headed!

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 03/04/2011 18:37

Babies are cuddled less if they are boys?? What rubbish! I have 2 nephews and believe me, they are not short of cuddles!! Shock

dittany · 03/04/2011 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/04/2011 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinierclanger · 03/04/2011 18:44

Sticking clips in girls hair isn't a gender issue. Sticking clips in girls hair when they don't want them because you want them to look 'pretty' is.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/04/2011 18:48

My brother used to wear hair clips when he was two. He liked them, he wanted them, my mum bought them. My dad wasn't so keen mind...

I give my DD a choice. She can have short hair, or she can have long hair that is kept out of her eyes and her food. Mind you, she had very little hair at all until she was at least 3.

BarbarianMum · 03/04/2011 18:49

I agree with dittany.

It depresses the hell out of me how much emphasis is put on how much importance is placed on little girls looking 'pretty' and how so many are aware of this pressure from a very young age. Our sole purpose on this earth is not just to look good. I'm not sure it should even be up there in the top 5.

OP this is a general rant, not specifically aimed at you and 2 hairclips.

Deliainthemaking · 03/04/2011 18:51

"Have an easier ride as a woman if your attractive."

Ewwww.

As much as its awful never a truer word been spoken,
in a ideal world this wouldn't exist.

OP. my sons fringe grew too long, sit her on your knee hold her arms, get someone to cut the fringe, 2 secs evern with paddies it over soon enough simples :)
My mum used to put my sisters fringe in a ponytail like this...soo cruel
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lbury2hndB1qbx9z4o1_500.jpg

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 03/04/2011 18:54

'Babies are cuddled less if they are boys?? What rubbish! I have 2 nephews and believe me, they are not short of cuddles!!

There's actually research on this showing how people treat babies differently based on the child's perceived gender.

Katy1368 · 03/04/2011 18:54

Don't worry - I tell my daughter she's valuable for a lot more reasons than being pretty, thinking bulimia, self-harm etc- are caused by reasons a lot more complex than a bunch of hair clips.

Skinit · 03/04/2011 18:54

Barbarian I'm a feminist but I also have a natural predisposition towards things which I consider attractive. One of them is trinkety crap which I like seeing on me and my DDs. There's nothing wrong with it as long as they want to wear the things.

MigratingCoconuts · 03/04/2011 18:55

{grin} at the photo!! twenty years ago, i had whole classes of 14 year old girls who would put their hair up like that in scrunchies. they all looked like poodles

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 03/04/2011 18:57

Gender stereotyping is based on thousands of little things that accumulate. Behaviour that would result in girls being told to behave is tolerated in boys, and boys are discouraged from showing nurturing behaviour or crying.

MigratingCoconuts · 03/04/2011 18:57

katy, you are right...i have teenagers in my tutor group (more than one) who self harm for reasons to do with trying to attain perfection in all aspects of their lives..which is an unachievable goal we seem to have taught high achieving girls, such that self harmming seems to be on the increase

AyeRobot · 03/04/2011 18:58

You know, I read the thread about what Mumsnetters want for their daughters. Common themes were that they want them to grow up in a world where they are treated equally, have ability to live their life in the way of their choosing rather than being forced into a particular role because they are a woman and that they are happy and comfortable in their own skin and not affected by media images of an impossibly "perfect" woman.

How does anyone suppose this state of affairs can be achieved if it is not by examing the small stuff like this and the impact they have on the path that is followed in the future? The small stuff matters.

Besides, she doesn't want it.

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 03/04/2011 18:58

Really? I am shocked! Can you post me a link to the research please?

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/04/2011 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/04/2011 19:02

Why are some people incapable of seeing that this issue isn't that it's wrong to like wearing hair clips, sparkly or plain? It's wrong to force a two year old girl to have something in her hair which is uncomfortable, just to make her 'look pretty'.
My DS at 3 and 4 sometimes had his hair in a ponytail at his own request, but the difference is that it was his choice.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 03/04/2011 19:03

Here's one study but there are loads.

cory · 03/04/2011 19:06

My mum spent a lot of time trying to force me into pretty frilly dresses and doing my hair with pretty ribbons. She also laboured under the delusion that I looked well in pink. I hated it from as far back as I can remember. As soon as I was able to take control, I ditched the frills and pretty hair dos. Don't remember a less feminine look ever holding me back- but then as an archaeologist/academic it wouldn't. I just never ever wanted the kind of life where pretty pretty looks would matter.

My dd otoh has always loved looking pretty and dreams of being an actress. I would never dream of trying to force her into a persona that doesn't fit her- she can have all the frills she wants, I'm not sending her out to shovel mud just because it's what I feel comfortable about. But I'm not going to remake myself into something that doesn't suit me either. I hate the idea of "you have got to be like this and look like this because that's what I dreamt of when I got a girl".

Katy1368 · 03/04/2011 19:07

Oh yeh i'm not implying we should superglue them in or anything! If they get pulled out I really don't worry and my girl looks pretty scarecrow headed most of the time (as do i actually!) but these big ideological objections to hair clips seems a tad far fetched to me.

exoticfruits · 03/04/2011 19:11

I think that it is ridiculous to read a lot into it. It is straightforward, a DC (however young) isn't a doll and if they don't want things in their hair you just accept it and don't put things in their hair.

BarbarianMum · 03/04/2011 19:11

I agree. And as long as they/you/the world in general understands that the lack of these things, or wearing different things, or not being particularly bothered what you wear (esp. as a child) does not make you a flawed human being (or even necessarily a less attractive one).

Again this is a general rant - not suggesting you would think this.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/04/2011 19:17

As always, there is disagreement as to the conclusions to be drawn from gender labelling studies.

Himalaya · 03/04/2011 19:33

Respect your daughter. She has told you quite clearly she doesn't want clips in her hair.

Why restrict her comfort?