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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i want my dd to wear pretty things in her hair

225 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/04/2011 11:04

everything i put in her hair, she pulls out.
her fringe is long and gets in her eyes, can't get it cut as she will not stay still long enough.

i just wants her hair to look nice, instead of it looking like the end of a mop

OP posts:
RudeEnglishLady · 03/04/2011 19:37

Thanks Dittany for film and Anyonefor turps for book. Watched one, ordered t'other.

working9while5 · 03/04/2011 19:43

I had to have my hair cut short when I had nits - I was about 7 or 8.
I really, really hated having short hair. My parents didn't give two hoots.

I can see that it's damaging to present little girls with the idea that they have to be pretty, but I don't think that hairclips or long hair etc are the root of all evil.

I have a lot of hair. I really do need to wear hair accessories. If I were a man, I don't think I'd be able to wear it long because it's too unruly and society doesn't allow men to wear hair accessories. However, if my son ends up with hair like mine, I wouldn't make him wear hair accessories even though they have been unfairly gender-stereotyped because I wouldn't ask him to put up with the negative commentary etc.

Like Cheerful Yank, I also had parents that didn't give two hoots about my appearance and I felt deeply self-conscious about my appearance as a child. I still don't much care for looks/fashion etc, but I don't think it would have made me any less intelligent, worthy or womanly to have learned to take care of appearance when I was younger!

I think it's good to be aware of the beauty myth and to challenge it, but if I ever have a girl with hair like mine, she will learn to wear hair clips and to keep her hair tidy because it's a life skill. And my boy will have his hair short. Perhaps society has made it thus, but I don't need my children to bear the brunt of fighting this particular societal battle. There are bigger fish to fry.

rockinhippy · 03/04/2011 19:43

DD started to tell me what she was & wasn't going to wear in no uncertain terms by the time she hit 16 monthsShock - initially I fought it, but realised

a. she is a stubborn moo &
b. she is not a doll, but a mini human with a mind of her own, that deserves respect

so instead of forcing my taste on her, it made far more sense to teach her how to dress occasion & weather appropriate & not force her into things she didn't like - it made life much easier - pick your battles & all that, & roll forward several years & she is a very stylish & VERY confident young lady

so yes YABU - she's not a Doll, sound like you've a feisty one :) get used to it, I'm sure she looks lovely anyway :)

giantfrillypigpants · 03/04/2011 19:43

She's 2 FFS!!!

doormat · 03/04/2011 19:46

can someone pass me a tena lady as i am wetting my knickers here at some of these posts....lmfao....

KlarkyKat · 03/04/2011 19:47

In the past I would probably have agreed "It's only hairclips" but since reading The Equality Illusion this week I have to say I agree with the opinion that this does matter.
www.katbanyard.org/the-equality-illusion.php
I personally do like hairclips but my dd won't be persuaded. My ds is more interested to be honest and he's also the one who wears a tutu to the park if the fancy takes him. Smile

everyspring · 03/04/2011 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot · 03/04/2011 19:52

Cory. I loved your post.

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 19:58

Deliain, thank you. I agree. It may not be nice, but it's true. It always has been, and unfortunately, I think it will always be that way. I don't think encouraging boys or girls to make the most of themselves is a bad thing. Unfortunalty there's more pressure on girls. I know this has got a bit out of hand from asking if a 2 yr old to wear hair clips. I find the huge difference in opinions intresting though

sprogger · 03/04/2011 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doley · 03/04/2011 20:06

Well, I don't believe beautiful women have an easier ride AT all ~they have to work twice as hard to get anyone to like them (as most people assume they will be a bitch )

This is a hair clip question ~let it be just that ...having said that though Wink

I don't remember who said that there "is no such thing as an ugly women just lazy ones " don't you think this was taken the wrong way perhaps ?

Don't you think she was implying that we are all beautiful ...if we just make an effort ?

Nothing to do with what features we were handed out at birth ?

Did I get that wrong ?

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 20:11

That is exactly what I'm saying, we are all beautiful if we make an effort, and teaching kids to make an effort, in my opinion is a good thing.

Blackcoffeeandcigarettes · 03/04/2011 20:12

You didn't get it wrong, I think your the only one that got what I was trying to say!

doley · 03/04/2011 20:20

Then I agree with you blackcoffee :) ~good point !

gordyslovesheep · 03/04/2011 20:22

depends on your definition of 'beautiful' :)

BarbarianMum · 03/04/2011 20:22

What constitutes an effort seems to vary according to gender though. For a boy clean face/hands, clean(ish) (yet still comfortable and functional) clothes and a quick hair brush = an effort. With girls it often seems to require a good deal more than that.

To be fair though, I am biased because I couldn't care 2 hoots about how I look as long as clean and more or less tidy when out and about. Had short hair all through childhood as couldn't be doing with all the brushing/styling/accessories involved in growing it. Luckily I have boys who are not yet of an age to care about appearance (although ds1 did want green hair for Red Nose Day).

coco2901 · 03/04/2011 20:29

Take her to a hairdressers and hold/distract her while they trim her fringe... Clips etc in a babies hair are vile!
C

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/04/2011 21:17

OK DC have to learn about being clean and tidy (boys or girls: no one who wanders around in dirty clothes with food all over their face and hair that hasn't been brushed for a fortnight is going to get anywhere), but 2 is too young to start. At 2 years old they should be able to run around starkers and get covered in mud if they want to.

Flisspaps · 03/04/2011 21:35

But why should we have to make an effort? It shouldn't matter if we don't. And certainly not at 2.

doley · 03/04/2011 21:36

Fliss what constitutes an effort to you :)

Flisspaps · 03/04/2011 21:44

Anything more than a quick wash, clean pants, a slap of deodorant (for myself, no-one else) and a quick brush of my hair in the morning is an effort.

tortilla · 03/04/2011 21:52

depends on your definition of 'effort' and 'lazy' as well. some women and girls are too busy spending time doing things that they consider to be more worthwhile than trying to look beautiful. who are you to say they are ugly and lazy, just because they don't place the emphasis on looks that you do, blackcoffee?

As for the hairclip issue, i agree with himalaya. If she's said she doesn't want them, have the decency to not force them on her. this is not a health and safety issue, or about being a good, kind human being. This is about her body and what she wants to do with it, versus your wish for her to look your definition of pretty, and it's not exactly a good lesson to start teaching her that other people can over-ride her wishes on this. Small issues like this do matter for her future self-esteem and feeling valued for who she is and wants to be.

wendyfromtheyard · 03/04/2011 21:53

I make hair things for weddings, first communion. I love making little hairbands for all my friends' little girls to match an outfit or whatever. I have even sold some on ebay, they are quite nice if i say so myself. but of course my own dd will not wear a thing on her head! i wont loose any sleep over it Grin

sunshinestate · 03/04/2011 22:02

I agree with Dittany. How would you approach this issue if she were a boy? You would cut her hair. No pain, no fussing, no pressure. Simple to me.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/04/2011 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.