How not to get a job

[beanlet]

Having just advertised a (very) part time admin post I have been inundated by emails from people who have not read the ad properly, and it's taking up most of my working day answering them. Please, people:

If the advertisement says apply using the application form, don't email me your CV; that doesn't constitute applying, and I won't read it.

There's a reason I didn't attach my phone number to the advertisement; don't expect me to be available to talk to you on the telephone.

For god's sake don't send me an email with a naff graphic across the bottom of a hipster crowd-surfing; it gives me the impression you're a waster.

If the adrvertisement says high level of literacy required, don't send me an email in txt spk.

It's usually a good idea not to irritate your potential boss at the first interaction by sending a series of emails that indicate you can't read a basic form and require your potential boss to download something for you that you could easily find yourself.

(rant over)

Any more gems?

If applying for proof reading work, don't send a CV full of mistakes.

And don't address the letter to Mr X-Crook when his name is X-Cook.

Don't return the application form late while simultaneously listing 'punctuality' as one of your skills...

Had someone tell me all about their "hounding from the REVENUE" and "hatred of big government" in their application form once. And the job was to do finance work for a government department!

Read the person specification and job description before applying please, and the ability to follow instructions is crucial for almost every job in existence!

Spell your own name right! Once had an applicant who put on her form that she was called Emma Luoise X.

She also got the name of her previous employer wrong.

It helps if you don't make spelling mistakes with the name of the job, the organisation and various essential bits of jargon that were all there in the job spec.

I'm currently dealing with dozens of applications for a university course - the number of people I've had ringing up and asking when the deadline is, when it's clearly stated in all our material! And saying 'I see you ideally want X' when we say explicitly and repeatedly that 'X is esssential'. And that's without even getting started on the ones who emailed months ago, got a detailed response and then send an identical email asking the same questions all over again with no acknowledgement that we've ever been in contact before! Fortunately, I keep an email folder for every enquiry so I always know when this happens, and it doesn't help their application at all.

Don't claim to be 'highly literacy'.

Don't ring up to apply for a job and start grilling the employer about whether this will affect your tax credits or not. Ring the tax credits helpline for that information!

Don't have an email address with lots of x's in it and other very dodgy sounding words. e.g. xhornyboix@...

Do fill in the whole application form. Don't miss out sections you don't want to answer. References, schooling, previous employment are all very important.

at getting your own name wrong.

Don't complete your application form in red biro...

why do people do this stuff? especially sending in a cv when it says application forms? why why why?

I have one, which might suprise people a bit. When applying for a job in the not-for-profit do-gooder sector do not, on any account, say that you want to do good, or change the world, or give something back. The job requires skills. Specific skills on the person spec. Show me your skills. not your teenage/middle-aged half-arsed aspirations that derive from watching Live Aid. or a documentary you saw last week.

Similarly, hatwoman, if applying for admin work in broadcasting, keep quiet about using the role as a stepping stone towards being a weathergirl!

Londonmother the problem with essential/desirable parts of the job spec is that job-seeking advice actively encourages you to apply anyway, and not to take 'essential' as read.

Don't forward a profile photo with your application, especially if the job you are applying for isn't for a modeling or identity parade position.

For those applying for a job in restaurant or bar: Don't demand to speak to the manager at the busiest point of service and don't argue with the staff or management.

Agreed, Buttonnosedsausage. Where I work, all the applications are processed online, and we've just taken on fifteen new staff. Despite being told this, a hopeful applicant insisted on talking to the - busy, stressed - manager.

My DP managed to get two jobs in IT without managing to attach his CV to the email first time round.

Don't state "attention to detail" as one of your strengths in a CV/covering letter riddled with errors.

Winterofdiscounttents I did that once

Is anyone aware that the job centre actually tells you to enquire about different hours to the ones stated on the vacancy "just in case" ? Ive always thought that was a bit like not being able to read what was asked of you. Has anyone asked you this and would it put you off. Ive always thought it would be offputting.

If you do manage to get an interview don't answer, "that's none of your business", when asked to tell your potential employer a bit about yourself.

When being an interviewed for a job, please do not:

1. assume the job is yours because you did 3 weeks work experience 5 years ago at our company and the lab tech who is sitting in on the interview and has been with us for 7 years has said she does not remember you;
2. attempt to flirt with said lab tech;
3. Sit slouched in the chair with legs akimbo.

Needless to say he didn't have a cat in hell's chance of being offered the job. Me and lab tech did have a good giggle about it afterwards!!

Don't send off your CV to random strangers saying how much you want to work in their company. I'm a teacher, I don't have a company and I'm not even living in the country they are applying from now. What makes it worse is they all use the same covering letter with the same spelling mistake.

The thing is a lot of people will be applying for things because the job centre and the JSA job search places has ordered them to, if the job centre tells you to apply for something you have to do it, or they cut your money off.

I don't know if it's still the case but they used to get bonuses for the amount of jobs they sent people off to apply for, they really don't care if you get the job in the end.

My sister was sent to the same sandwich shop 3 times that wanted a Hygiene certificate which she didn't have, I got sent to apply at the Sainsbury 7 times for till assistant despite having no experience.

The job search places are no better then the job centres they sit you in front of a load of news papers and give you an hour a week time slot on a PC and tell you to apply for a set amount of jobs from the provided media, you often do end up just sending a CV instead of an application form for online vacancies because the security on the PCs is so tight they don't let you download things in various file formats such as PDF.