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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Making a 4 year old prepare her own packed lunches ?

200 replies

OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:13

I have recently began making her pack her own lunches the night before pre school, put the bag in the fridge, carry it the next day and then when she gets home, she empties it, washes the bag out and puts it away.

I just mentioned this on facebook to my friend who was moaning about having to do all the lunches. She seemed a bit shocked that I make her do it.

Am I expecting too much from her? She also empties the dishwasher every day and puts some clothes away into the wardrobe.

I thought that if she was old enough to be able to do it then she ought to do it for herself. I do use it as a chance to discuss nutrition. As she chooses stuff to go in it, we talk about why it is healthy or not. (that sounds a bit smug but I'm really not normally) I have noticed that since she has started doing it herself it comes home empty too.

OP posts:
laInfanta · 30/03/2011 00:15

Well I wouldn't have expected a 4 year old to do it, but if she does and doesn't moan too much then I guess it must be OK.

TheVisitor · 30/03/2011 00:18

It sounds like she does it with interaction and input from you, so that's fine. What works for you is what is right for you.

theoldtrout01876 · 30/03/2011 00:18

bugger!!!! I cant even get my 17 year old to make his own packed lunch. Im Envy green here

Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:18

Do you think I ought to just let her be a kid then and not expect too much ? I feel crap now Sad

OP posts:
clpsmum · 30/03/2011 00:21

I think you Abu tbh she's 4 let her be a child she has plenty of time to prepare lunches and empty dishwashers in later life.

Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:21

thevisitor well I do interact with her, but I have to be honest my motivation was to get her to do it on her own eventually. I have 3 under 4 and I want them to pull their weight.

I was going to teach her to do a cycle of washing from start to finish next. Like empty the pockets, put the powder in, hang up on the line, put away.

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 30/03/2011 00:21

As I said, it obviously works for you, and to be honest, I'm all for fostering a little independence in children. Sounds like you have a good, happy routine going.

Oldtrout, I'd refuse to do a 17 year old's packed lunch!

sunshineandbooks · 30/03/2011 00:23

Sounds fine to me. She's learning excellent life skills. The more activities like these are a normal part of daily existence for our DC, the sooner they become automatic and do not require effort on their part. Your DD will have no problem when she leaves home and lives by herself and you won't have to endure horrific teenage years where she generates mess everywhere and expects you to clean it up.

If OTOH you're sending her up chimneys or expecting her to make the dinner, you could be pushing it a tad too far... Wink

Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:23

cipsmum yes that is what I am thinking now, but look at what theoldtrout0186 said. Thats what I am trying to avoid. Oh I dunno, I'm all mixed up now.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 30/03/2011 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVisitor · 30/03/2011 00:26

and toilet cleaning. Don't ever forget the toilet cleaning. Grin

Seriously, I've always expected my kids to help out.

KickArseQueen · 30/03/2011 00:32

Too much imo! but I get my 3 5 and 7 year olds to help clean their rooms and dusting is apparantly considered fun by all of them!

Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:32

But I don't think its right to do things for other people when they can do it for themselves, it makes me feel like a second rate person. Don't get me wrong, I do a hell of a lot, I have to with 3 under 4 and I run my own business.

The other day, I found myself charging about the kitchen, I was preparing her breakfast, fetching her a drink, doing her packed lunch, turning the TV over and I thought this is stupid, she is now capable of doing some of these tasks herself. So I decided to get her doing it as she got older and more capable.

I want all of them to be able to do everything for themselves when they are older.

Trouble is they are only kids.

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 30/03/2011 00:34

And kids like helping mummy. Don't stress yourself, you're not exactly condemning her to a life of drudgery.

Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:36

I see some of her friends just dump their coats and bags onto their Mums as they leave pre school and the Mum dutifully trots behind them to the car carrying all their crap for them. I don't like it.

What messages is that sending to kids about our role ? Pack horse !

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:38

visitor She isn't too keen on helping, I have to use rewards. The thing is life does have a certain amount of drudgery in it, she needs to learn to do her own drudgery Grin

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 30/03/2011 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVisitor · 30/03/2011 00:40

Quite, and I always made my kids carry their own stuff home. Grin Now they're bigger, they all clean the kitchen, do the hoovering, tidying, ironing, washing, cooking, cleaning elsewhere. We're a team in our house, and we all muck in together. All my kids are going to be completely equipped to look after themselves when they leave home.

TheVisitor · 30/03/2011 00:40

Well said, Mofo. Grin

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 30/03/2011 00:43

YANBU, at all.

Big family. Everyone has to muck in. Cannot start too young, imo.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 30/03/2011 00:45

Actually, reading MoFo's post*, you COULD start too young!

I agree, I made my children push their own pram from the age of 6 months. You cant start too soon or they get lazy.

annielouisa · 30/03/2011 00:45

I think it is good children are taught responsibility and learn to do things for themselves but do not feel that because you chose to have 3 children close together that a 4 year old has to take your role as mini helper because you are busy or stressed.

A 4 year old could end up resenting younger siblings who maybe are not so burdened with chores. I had 2 children close together and encouraged them to learn skills for their benefit not because I was too busy to do it myself.

confuddledDOTcom · 30/03/2011 00:48

My eldest was helping from about 2 years old. I'm on crutches and she's been my portable litter picker for the last 2.5 years. She walks nicely and independently because she knows I can't run after her, she picks things up, takes them where they need to go or passes them to me. She does the washing (from that young!) although it's a case of sorting them where I tell her to (but she's getting the hang of what goes where) putting them in and putting a tablet in with them, I do the actual dialling, she then takes them out and loads the dryer, afterwards she helps me sort them out into who they belong to.

My 2 year old isn't proving to be as helpful! She's a fearless little monkey!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 30/03/2011 00:52

getting her own drink, turning the TV over, putting away clothes all fine, fostering independance.

doing her own lunch and doing the dishwasher, under pressure and not enjoying it? nope, she's 4, too much in my book. let her do the tasks she enjoys, others can be brought in, in a year or two.

probably because you have younger ones, she seems grownup to you on a daily basis but she is still a wee toot really! i think annielouisa's warning is wise.

mind you, i have a 4.10 ds who adores getting the Fresh Brush out and giving "his" toilet a good scrub, and i ain't stopping him! but its FUN to him, that's the difference i think i'm trying to convey (badly at 1am)

Grin at mofo

Original poster
OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:57

annielouisa I intend to get her younger siblings helping out just the same, but I can see that as it is now, she is doing it and not them.

I don't get her looking after her siblings, but if she does happen to help them, or help me with them I praise her loads. I tell her that we are a family and have to look after each other.

I am doing it for both reasons, to teach her life skills and also because I will be too busy to do it all. But why should I be doing chores for people who are quite capable of doing it themselves ? I don't see it as my role in family life to do everything for other people. I haven't done this before though.

When you watch wildlife programmes, the Mum seems to teach them how to hunt, wash etc so that when they leave the nest they can look after themselves. My instincts are telling me to keep going. It is balanced in that she lots of play and activities such as ballet and football.

OP posts: