Making a 4 year old prepare her own packed lunches ?

[OnEdge]

I have recently began making her pack her own lunches the night before pre school, put the bag in the fridge, carry it the next day and then when she gets home, she empties it, washes the bag out and puts it away.

I just mentioned this on facebook to my friend who was moaning about having to do all the lunches. She seemed a bit shocked that I make her do it.

Am I expecting too much from her? She also empties the dishwasher every day and puts some clothes away into the wardrobe.

I thought that if she was old enough to be able to do it then she ought to do it for herself. I do use it as a chance to discuss nutrition. As she chooses stuff to go in it, we talk about why it is healthy or not. (that sounds a bit smug but I'm really not normally) I have noticed that since she has started doing it herself it comes home empty too.

What hits me first is that this is NOT a 4 year olds responsibility - and she shouldn't be made to feel it IS her responsility - particularly if she then fails to do these tasks properly.

Charging around a kitchen is what parents do - we can't then decide to make young kids responsible - and pass our work onto them.

And why so many women are on here asking 'aibu to think my dp should put his owm shitty pants in the wash basket rather than leaving them on the floor'

Exactly-and this is all because their mother did it all for them! Emptying the whole dishwasher sounds a bit much, but definately make a start as soon as they are able.
Swallowedafly made me laugh! No wonder we have a problem if people see it as training to be a housewife! In that case OP is doing the right thing-otherwise the message is ' a mother does everything'. (and where did she say that household chores meant that she couldn't garden, diy and other things? ) Making a packed lunch is quick, as are other tasks-it isn't slave labour-they are free the rest of the time to garden, play etc etc!

Who is making it her responsibility?! I think that some of you will regret having teenagers who can't look after themselves!

Sounds lovely to me, so long as you use it as an opportunity to teach and to discuss. My DD's 2.8 and loves "helping" bake cakes and wash up and fold clothes. She can't do any of it correctly but at 2.8yrs, that's not the point. She loves the idea that she's helping us; it makes her happy; she asks to do it. I can certainly see her doing what your DD does at 4. I am sure you're still letting your DD play with her toys and be a child so what's the harm?

IME kids that age absolutely love a bit of responsibility and it makes them feel great to think they're helping mummy out. My mum expected us to chip in from a young age and I am very glad she did as it made me organised and responsible.

And by the way, it's not a gender thing with my DD as it's DH who she's washing up, folding laundry and baking cakes. DD's known from the beginning that men do housework/household duties too.

DS is 5 and likes to empty the dishwasher. He gets his school uniform ready for the following day and he takes the recycling & rubbish out (occasionally under duress). If he were remotely interested, I'd have him make his own packed lunch but when I suggested it, he said, 'um... no, you did it. I'd like a surprise' so I don't make him.

I don't think its a problem for little children to be doing a few jobs. DS and I talk about being a family and how we help each other. He still has time to play and i think it's good for him to help around the house.

As long as your DD is happy, I don't see a problem.

My DH was always 'too young' for chores, then one day he suddenly left home and went to uni. My MIL was a SAHM and saw it as her job to ensure he could always enjoy his childhood. FIL followed MIL's lead. Needless to say he left home with minimal life skills - can't cook, can't do any DIY, basic cleaning takes hours, can't change a tyre, can't sew on a button, ...

PIL have now seen the error of their ways. They're making up for it with my DS1. Last summer, for example, my FIL built a fence at our place and DS1 was always at his side holding the drill, handing him screws, stirring small amounts of concrete,... DS1 was 2yrs old at the time and loved it!

DS1 loves helping empty the dishwasher. We rearranged the cupboard so that his plastic plates and cups are at the bottom so he can put his own stuff away.

I always had chores as a kid and was involved in everything around the house from making a 3 course meal to cleaning toilets to building a new driveway. I've now trained DH to be reasonably proficient around the house - cooking, cleaning, building IKEA furniture, but of course it's all more stressful for him due to his lack of experience.

I think it's good to start early. And DS1 loves doing stuff with Mum, Dad, Grandpa,...

The 4 year should do it if she's happy to do it - but it's NOT her responsibility. That is what I'm saying. She is not old enough and developed enough.

As long as the level of help stays consistant with all of the children i don't think that its going to be damaging.

I've had friends who were given tasks this young which increased with age, which was above what they should have been doing, but their younger siblings wasn't which was unfair. As she got older she was then treated as a free babysitting service. She has spoke about this with her mother and her mother has apologised and said that she had got used to the help and took her for granted. Ironically one does the same with her eldest DD but carn't see it.

Also if she does something wrong by accident she shouldn't be punished.

I think it's a great idea OP. It's not just about teaching personal responsibility but also gross and fine motor skills too, eg pegging washing out on a little line, using a knife to cut sandwiches, getting the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher without breaking anything. And let's face it, most children are delighted to be 'allowed' to do grown up stuff.

Whether you agree with Montessori or not, Montessori pre-schools are very much based around life skills. I went to observe one yesterday and it was fascinating to watch a small group of pre-school boys chopping up fruit and making their own sandwiches for snacktime and then so obviously enjoying eating what they had made. Other children were making cakes, laying tables and practising sweeping beans into a circle on the floor, to name just a few of the activities. None of them were forced to do these tasks - they selected them as being what the wanted to do that morning - but they all seemed to be getting a huge amount of pleasure in having control over their own lives.

If I try to make my kids packed lunches (4, 6 and 8) They're swarming round me like flies saying "don't want that, what's in there, can we have this etc" So I'm like "you know what you have every day, do you want to do it" and they invariably jump at the chance and gets them out of my hair lol.

Op's LO may love this time with mummy and feel proud at what she has done. I also find that when children have a hand in making their own food, they ALWAYS eat more than if I had done it all as they have a sense of pride in what they have made.

I DO expect them to help hanging their own clothes up, but this usually means I have to go and do it right once they've finished.

Oh, not sure about a whole load of laundry though. DS loads the machine once we've sorted it and will pass me pegs when I hang it out. I expect him to help me but not to do it all by himself. Good luck with teaching her to empty the pockets. No amount of encouraging/ nagging seems to work here and I always seem to miss one and have to pull tissues/ sticks/ worms out of the machine

I agree a certain amount of responsibility for themselves is a good thing, but unloading dishwasher; doing laundry etc is something that I would ask of DS who is 12, not a 4 year old.

I expected mine to help lay and clear the table, put their clothes and toys away etc at that age, and build up gradually from there.

Helping = good

Whole responsibility = bad

Poor little four-year-old hanging up king-size sheets!

I agree with others it's a fine balance. I wish I had started earlier with ds as at 12 he is a lazy sod. Dd is much more with it and helpful, but then again that may just be their personalities.

Agree as well that it would be easy for resentment to build up if OP's dd starts to feel she is being unfairly burdened.

My three children have been making their own packed lunches since they were the same age.

It will make your child more adventurous when it comes to learning how to cook, and also assists with routine setting, and time management.

It helps with hygiene knowledge and food handling. Maths: shall we cut them into triangles squares, halves?, how much can fit in the lunch bag? How to arrange the items so they fit?

If you are present in the kitchen with your child, it creates dialogue and discussion with your small child too.

So, yes, you are actually helping your child by getting them to do this task.

Helen

i know people who were eldest girl and brought up feeling a massive sense of responsibility for the home and the family who have unsurprisingly ended up being in the martyr doing everything role at home in adult life.

I was the eldest and a girl-my younger brothers were treated the same-why wouldn't they be? The mother who does everything is the one being the bad role model-why does mother do it all?-probably because her mother did it all!

I did everything but only until my children began to be of age where it seemed reasonable to help. This thread is about what a four year old should do and four is incredibly young. All of my eight children help now, they need to and they can see that - the four boys as well as the girls. The fact that I did everything myself until they were much, much older than four hasn't made them lazy at all.

I don't see the problem at all. I have boys aged 4 and 2 and they empty the dishwasher together, sort the washing into piles, throw it down the stairs (v fun) and then put it in the washing machine. My oldest can prepare very simple meals with instructions and does all of the recycling. He sorts it all. Our only role is to take it out for him. He brings the bins back himself.

I suppose a lot depends on the child but my oldest son is very independent and enjoys doing these tasks. I see it as my job to raise useful, independent adults who will be able to fend for themselves. I do plenty of nurturing, caring and supporting of my sons, but what I won't do it parent them towards uselessness. I wouldn't push my sons into doing anything they weren't capable of doing, and always supervise.

I don't think 4 year olds who have their lunch made for them necessarily grow into lazy incapable teenagers

My 5 year old does quite a few chores which are age appropriate, and which she enjoys, such as tidying her room, packing away her toys, putting dirty washing in the basket, helping me to hang the washing out (handing me pegs etc.) However, I do make her packed lunch for her and I do carry her lunch box/book bag after school so that she can run off and play with her friends on the way home.

I find it interesting that if the OP said that her 4 year old loves making pretend packed lunches for her dolls, or playing with her toy washing machine, or doing pretend gardening everybody would ssy that was absolutely fine!

Children love to do real things with real stuff. We do them a dis service if we discourage them

I agree seeker. Dd asks to use the Hoover. It makes me laugh watching her doing her room but she loves it - always has.
And people go to the Disney store and buy pretend ones

Seeker I sort of agree with you but making pretend lunch boxes for dolls or pretend gardening is not quite the same as having to use a real knife or a lawn mover though is it?

mower! grr