Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Making a 4 year old prepare her own packed lunches ?

200 replies

OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:13

I have recently began making her pack her own lunches the night before pre school, put the bag in the fridge, carry it the next day and then when she gets home, she empties it, washes the bag out and puts it away.

I just mentioned this on facebook to my friend who was moaning about having to do all the lunches. She seemed a bit shocked that I make her do it.

Am I expecting too much from her? She also empties the dishwasher every day and puts some clothes away into the wardrobe.

I thought that if she was old enough to be able to do it then she ought to do it for herself. I do use it as a chance to discuss nutrition. As she chooses stuff to go in it, we talk about why it is healthy or not. (that sounds a bit smug but I'm really not normally) I have noticed that since she has started doing it herself it comes home empty too.

OP posts:
Deflatedballoonbelly · 30/03/2011 07:23

If your 4 yo is like my DD then she will enjoy it.

My DD is 8 now and still loves doing mummy and daddy jobs. She helps me wash up, cook dinner, dust and polish (she does her own room and hoovers it too) She makes her own bed, folds her uniform etc and washes her own hair. Proper independant little girl who does it through choice.

I still do the lunches though!

Morloth · 30/03/2011 07:26

See I think kids should help out with family tasks. I was the second youngest of six and did a lot of stuff around the house for the family and had to look after my own stuff from a young age. As did all my siblings.

I harbour no resentment for this whatsoever, life was good. I am sure I bitched about it when I was a kid but now I am quite happy that I am so self reliant.

DS1 is given stuff to do for everyone that he can manage, I want him to be able to chuck a load of washing on, make himself a reasonable meal, wash up a load of dishes and run a vacuum cleaner effectively when he is a teenager.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 30/03/2011 07:31

I think my concern about things like unloading the dishwasher and doing entire cycles of laundry (including hanging up) is that she'll be the only sibling doing it for a while, and she'll be doing it on her own. That's quite different from posters who've talked about their children helping them while they do tasks. It just seems quite lonely for a four year old to be out there pegging up washing on her own when she can just as well learn the domestic skills by assisting. That's why I think the lunches thing is fine: the OP is right there helping and talking about it. But laundry seems a step too far, when her siblings are presumably just playing.

Obviously teenagers should be able to do laundry and wash up, but this is a preschooler we're talking about, surely there's a middle ground?

gorionine · 30/03/2011 07:33

From your OP I gather that you are actuallty rather involved yourself in the preparing of the lunch box :"I do use it as a chance to discuss nutrition. As she chooses stuff to go in it, we talk about why it is healthy or not. (that sounds a bit smug but I'm really not normally) I have noticed that since she has started doing it herself it comes home empty too."

You are not asking her to bake a quiche in the morning and use a blender to make her own smoothiesSmile

I think ATM it is OK as she enjoys it but be warned that chances are she will in time enjoy doing it less and less and if it is continuously "forced" on her to do it she might become resentful. In short, I think it is fine from time to time but at that age should not be a regular chore and certainly should not be made her responsability in a "prepare your own lunch box or go hungry" type of way.

squeakytoy · 30/03/2011 07:44

I have 3 under 4 and I want them to pull their weight

Confused

They are small children, not teenagers.

Goblinchild · 30/03/2011 07:46

That's probably why she said 'their weight', proportionate to their age.

Goblinchild · 30/03/2011 07:47

4 year olds in school do tidying up for the whole class, get themselves dressed and undressed with a bit of help, manage their own possessions...
yet when parents drop them off and collect them, it's often the parents finding it hard to let them be independent.

cjdamoo · 30/03/2011 07:51

Not at all unreasonable my 3 1/2 year old makes his bed daily and puts his dirty laundry in the basket. He doesnt make his pre school pack up but he does get it from the fridge put it in his bag and then empty it when he gets home. I wish to raise boys that are capable of looking after themselves. Ds age 12 is now capable of making basic meals from scratch something his father still struggles with.

Ephiny · 30/03/2011 07:52

I think it's a bit unusual for a 4 year old to be doing so much, but if she can manage then why not? Presumably it's only a few minutes each day so hardly preventing her 'having a childhood' Hmm. Children usually enjoy helping out with things like this anyway!

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/03/2011 07:53

Popping the washing put of the washer or putting her bag away is one thing, expecting her to do the washing, unload the dishwasher and hygenically clean her lunch bag are jobs for older children not pre school little ones.

"I have 3 under 4 and I want them to pull their weight"

Your chose to have 3 under 4 so can hardly complain about household tasks that need doing. Forcing her to do so many chores from such an early age will lead to resentment, what do you expect her to be doing by age 8 - the lot?

Morloth · 30/03/2011 08:21

DS1's chores took him 15 minutes on getting home from school, he also had 5 mins of homework.

He is now crashed on the lounge watching Ben 10 after dinner, he doesn't look overworked, but I guess you never can tell...

davidtennantsmistress · 30/03/2011 08:25

my 5 YO has to hang his coat & put his shoes away also tidy his room & any toys he's playing with, other than that he also goes about with a baby wipe when I do, but no way i'd expect him to do more at this age.

DP is looking forward to the day when he doesn't run into our room at 7.30 shouting time for wake up now and actually plays quietly in his room/gets & puts the telly on - I figure 8 or 9?!? :o lol.

exoticfruits · 30/03/2011 08:26

My big mistake as a parent wasn't getting them to do things early enough -so I would say-well done.

FabbyChic · 30/03/2011 08:27

Are you a tyrant she is four years old, if she was ten fair play, but FOUR.

Whatever next making her bed and doing her own washing.

Get off your lazy backside and do it for her.

exoticfruits · 30/03/2011 08:32

All that matters is 'is she happy?' The fact that she eats the lunch speaks for itself. I bet your DCs will be longing to have responsibility FabbyChic-I can imagine that you are the sort who can't let an 8yr old boil a kettle or make toast.

Yellowstone · 30/03/2011 08:35

YABU.

I had four under four. I'd have found it a major pain to ask them to contribute aged four, especially if I had to discuss nutrition.

They all help now when I need it, that aspect isn't a problem.

Vallhala · 30/03/2011 08:36

It surely depends on the nature of preparing the lunch. I'd be fine with "What will you have? Cheese? Ok, you get it out of the fridge while I butter the bread. Now get an apple and put it in the bag... can you seal your sandwich in that clingfilm? Now you pop it into your lunchbox and I'll get your drink..."

But, like HappyMummyOfOne I think thaat 4 is too young for dishwasher and washing duties. I speak as the lone mother of 2 born within 19 months of each other who has brought them up alone since they were tiny so I do appreciate the need to work together but gradually, not when they're four years old.

Trudyla · 30/03/2011 08:38

Children like helping out and it teaches them so much for the future. My parents never let me help, partly because they wanted me to enjoy my childhood but partly because it would have taken them longer to teach me than to do it themselves. So when I left home I could not cook, bake, iron or do any other necessary things and had to learn them all the hard way rather than standing next to my mum from early on.

My children will definitely get involved with household tasks. I was often quite bored as a child and watched telly when I secretly would have preferred to help out but that's not what you tell your parents, is it. They have to make you help, you have to roll your eyes and learn.

You are doing the right thing!

Pagwatch · 30/03/2011 08:48

Unsurprisingly this has split into the spectre of idle teenagers who do nowt because they have never learnt, or people who think dcs should do everything.

Children need independence and teaching them independence is one of our jobs. We tend to suck at it which is why teenagers are leaving home fucking useless at cooking and cleaning for themselves. And why so many women are on here asking 'aibu to think my dp should put his owm shitty pants in the wash basket rather than leaving them on the floor'

Tbh though I think if a child is only 4 then her jobs should be primarily obvious - taking her plate to the dishwasher, keeping her toys tidy, helping mummy and daddy tidy the sitting room/ play room, making her bed.

Once you are talking about teaching a child to operate white good I think that is a bit much.

Dd packed her snack box each mooring for nursery and washed out her water bottle. She is 8 now and when she Gomes in immediately does her homework, checks her schedule and packs her leotard or swim kit, plus snack fir the next day. She doesn't view it as a task - anymore than brushing her teeth is a task.
That is what I want. That my dcs just do these things as naturally as they do everything else. That means logical tasks and natural progression

FoofffyShmoofffer · 30/03/2011 08:54

what Pagwatch said.
I have learnt from experience that we treated DS like the little prince and boy am I paying for that now. To get him to do most things without moaning is hard work. He is 9, such a good boy, star at school but lazy as anything at home.
I won't make the same mistake with DD. Just try and find a happy medium.
How tall is she to be able to hang out the washing? How strong is she to unload a machine full of wet washing?

swallowedAfly · 30/03/2011 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 30/03/2011 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FreudianSlippery · 30/03/2011 09:00

Personally, I wouldn't. Maybe I have too much of an emotional connection with food Blush but I think it's a parent's job to provide food for a child.

But YANBU because it doesn't sound like you are just leaving her to do it on her own, it sounds like it's a joint process.

tallulah · 30/03/2011 09:12

From what you've said about the lunchbox, fine. But washing machine and dishwasher? She is 4, not 14. I have a 4 yo and because there are no younger ones she is "the baby". I wouldn't dream of expecting her to do these sorts of chores.

If I'm sorting the clean washing to put away she thinks it's great fun to help, and is happy to sit with me and put the clothes into piles of mummy's, daddy's and hers, and put hers in her drawers. When I'm putting the clothes on the line she will hand me pegs, and wet clothes (without my asking). I hope that by getting her to do things alongside me she will gradually be able to help a bit more as she gets bigger.

Please don't fall into the trap (as I did with her sister, who was the eldest of 4-under-6) and think of her as older than she is. There will come a time when she realises that her siblings do FA and she will rebel.

GooseyLoosey · 30/03/2011 09:15

My dd (6) makes her own packed lunch and really enjoys doing it. Tbh, if she is happy doing it carry on. My only word of caution would be, it sounds like your 4 year old is the oldest of 3 so be careful of seeing her too much as the "big girl" when she is still really quite little.