Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Making a 4 year old prepare her own packed lunches ?

200 replies

OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:13

I have recently began making her pack her own lunches the night before pre school, put the bag in the fridge, carry it the next day and then when she gets home, she empties it, washes the bag out and puts it away.

I just mentioned this on facebook to my friend who was moaning about having to do all the lunches. She seemed a bit shocked that I make her do it.

Am I expecting too much from her? She also empties the dishwasher every day and puts some clothes away into the wardrobe.

I thought that if she was old enough to be able to do it then she ought to do it for herself. I do use it as a chance to discuss nutrition. As she chooses stuff to go in it, we talk about why it is healthy or not. (that sounds a bit smug but I'm really not normally) I have noticed that since she has started doing it herself it comes home empty too.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 01/04/2011 08:17

Of course he wouldn't-it would be in a high cupboard and you give him a choice of options. You can even make the choice yourself and give him the tools to do it.

Tenacity · 01/04/2011 09:27

I think perhaps the question in this situation is 'at what age should kids learn and do certain tasks?' Surely they need to learn, one way or the other, if they don't learn these basic skills, what will become them? So the question is whether 4 years is too young, if it is, what is the right age?

Tenacity · 01/04/2011 09:33

I meant to add what is the right age at which kids can be taught basic skills (with the least pain) on everyone's part? :o

BsshBossh · 01/04/2011 10:26

Tenacity I think the right age is down to the individual child and family. I don't think there can be a general age. My DD is not yet three but helps around the house etc because she wants to, is ready to and we like her to. Her 4.5 year old friend, on the other hand, doesn't do any of the things DD does, because he's simply not bothered and his parents are fine with that. It just depends.

duchesse · 01/04/2011 10:57

19mo DD tidies up continually- shuts things that are open, puts things away, helps unload the dishwasher. I'd love to see anyone "making" a child of that age help out in this way. It's just her.

dikkertjedap · 01/04/2011 11:27

I agree with duchesse. My dd has always been tidy and likes the house been tidy. Sometimes I put something on the table wanting to put it away, I come back and it is gone (she doesn't say anything, just puts it where it belongs) - mind you, first I spend ages looking for things as I didn't realise she put things straight away away. She also likes making breakfast/lunch in the weekend, helps with cooking, empties dishwasher, helps folding laundry, wiping surfaces, etc. She loves doing these things and she is really good at it as well. At school she often helps the teacher tidying. Can also be embarrassing, if we visit a home which is not very tidy (including her friends), she will say 'what a mess, let's first tidy up'. So, I would think that you are absolutely right getting her involved. However, if she is really tired after school then I would give her a bit of a breather and make her lunch yourself.

Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 11:30

Its like baby lead weaning. I think that if they are capable of physically getting food into their mouths and chewing it, why would you want to blend it and then spoon it in ?

When a baby can walk, why push it round in a buggy ? Because its easier.

If a child has opposing thumbs, then why would you need to carry their lunch box for them ?

If a child is capable of wiping its own arse, then why would you continue wiping it for them ?

Take a toy out of a box ? Capable of putting a toy back in a box.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 11:34

Justanother Exactly ! So I go through it with her and teach her how to do it safely, and I teach her why she does what she does too.

OP posts:
StickyProblem · 01/04/2011 11:46

Great thread OnEdge. I'm going to let DD(6) help with her packed lunch - didn't do it because it's quicker to do it myself - the link to the freerangekids site really hit home.

Laquitar · 01/04/2011 12:28

How can she hang the clothes on the line? Confused

YANBU about the lunch and dishwasher. And you don't seem lazy either because it takes more efford to teach them doing it themselves and supervise them doing it than actually doing it quickly for them.

Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 12:46

Laquitar Well I have to confess i have a tumble dryer, but I will take her outside and stand her on a chair to do it, also when I take the prop down, it comes fairly low.

OP posts:
3rdnparty · 01/04/2011 12:49

my ds liked helping me unload the dishwasher etc when he was 4ish and before starting school....since starting school he'd rather play with his toys or he's tired.. so helps less...which I'm ok with as think he needs the space after school....... he will start helping more once he's a bit older again we all had our jobs to do around the house but more from 7ish -

Laquitar · 01/04/2011 12:51

Ah ok, it comes down low.
Tbh i would let her practice with the indoor airer.

ToniLou84 · 01/04/2011 12:52

I think what you're saying is right - my daughter is only 16 months, but when she is old enough I want her to be able to tidy up after herself and do little chores around the house.

When I was a child, my mum gave me certain tasks to do and we had a star chart for when we had done them - it wasn't a bribe, mum just explained how good you feel when you have completed a task, therefore we were allowed to put a star on the chart.

I moved out at 18 (for uni) and was more than capable of washing, ironing, cleaning and cooking for myself. Apart from the odd bridging gap to save money I have never actually moved home since, and now run my own family home as well as holding down a job.

Its good to teach children early the importance of keeping a home clean and tidying up after themselves - as well as spending lots of time doing fun stuff :)

working9while5 · 01/04/2011 13:12

I'm a bit amazed by this thread.

Disclaimer: I live in a kip. I am not very good at housework etc. Neither was my mother (and before anyone takes a hump about talking about the women of the family, dad was not on the scene). As I write, there are nappies, socks, a book, a rattle, a jigsaw and random miscellaneous toys on the floor, lots of crumbs, toys beside me on the sofa, magazines, a book, the phone, a load of wires and - messiest of all - me and the laptop. So I am not one of those uber-efficient people who keeps a lovely home. It's a bit grubby but not filthy.

However, despite the fact it's not my favourite activity personaly, I think involving kids in household stuff is lots of fun. Both dh and I pop ds (16 months) into the highchair when we wash dishes and he has a little bowl and a sponger and he makes lots of mess has a little go at "cleaning". When I sweep, he follows around after me with a dustpan and brush (those tall ones, which are just the right size). He wipes his table top after lunch (as we do, too). We bake once a week and he swirls the cake cases with butter using a pastry brush and helps cut out shortbread shapes. We usually pop on some music in the kitchen and have a little boogie.. When it's time to tidy up the toys, he knows where things go in his "toy corner" and with a lot of patience, he can be directed to put things back etc

I kind of assumed that everyone did this from toddler stage. I know my mum did and it didn't make me rebel and be messy nor did it make me uber-efficient. To my mind, it's just keeping them occupied while you go about what needs to be done: it's play. How do you get anything done about the place if you don't involve them? I can remember fetching nappies for my sister and bits and bobs, don't think it ever occurred to me it was "responsibility", it just made me feel part of things.

Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 23:24

working That is similar to how I go about it, otherwise I would have to leave them in front of a TV while I did it myself. My 7 month old likes to sit and watch as I do kitchen stuff, in her high chair. I tend to stick music on too and arse about as I go. the kids get stuck in, and there is a little bit of competition now between the older two to pick things up etc. They relish the praise, I think it makes them feel good to be participating.

OP posts:
MsScarlett · 01/04/2011 23:31

I think it is fine! I remember when I was little I used to want to help mum with the chores as I loved mimicking her and spending time with her. But often she just did it herself as she said it was quicker! Your dd obviously enjoys it and it is teaching her important life skills! Just make sure you treat any DSs the same! It annoys me when mum's spoil/mother the boys and expect the dd to look after themselves and even the other males in the household (i.e. my house when growing up!) Grin

Megatron · 02/04/2011 07:39

Am i the only one who thinks this thread was an April Fool?

exoticfruits · 02/04/2011 07:43

No-I think OP is a sensible woman. If there is one thing that I could go back and change in my parenting it would be to get them doing much more, much younger. I was simply lazy, it was much easier and quicker to do it myself-I should have had the patience to teach them.

activate · 02/04/2011 07:47

sounds like she loves it - it's special time with mummy and you're not making her do it alone because you're there all the time

the other little tasks are normal really (although I wouldn't trust my 6 year old with emptying the dishwasher)

mathanxiety · 02/04/2011 21:21

'I have recently began making her pack her own lunches the night before pre school, put the bag in the fridge, carry it the next day and then when she gets home, she empties it, washes the bag out and puts it away.'

'visitor She isn't too keen on helping, I have to use rewards. The thing is life does have a certain amount of drudgery in it, she needs to learn to do her own drudgery..'

'when DD is unloading the dishwasher which she does about 5 days out of 7, she sings a little song as she does it. She seems either content whilst doing it, or she zones out.'

You seem to have changed your tune significantly, OnEdge.

Original poster
OnEdge · 04/04/2011 03:26

mathanxiety

Right, if you are going to nit pick, I will explain. I have not changed my tune at all.

She isn't too keen on helping = I have to encourage her to help, so if she helps to unload the dishwasher, she gets a star on her star chart. Once she has begun unloading the dishwasher, she sings a little song. Have you never had to get motivated to so something, but then found once you have started you get into it ?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 04/04/2011 05:02

OK, so it's not all helping alongside mum and sort of playing. The tune is the same as it was at the start of the thread.

I think she's too young to be doing what you have her doing. And it is actually your drudgery that she is doing with the dishwasher and the laundry.

dontcallmepeanut · 04/04/2011 05:04

YANBU... At all...

I had DS doing the ironing from when he learnt to walk. He's now doing the sewing, scrubbing floors, and electrical repairs. He's 3.

kezigy · 04/04/2011 05:21

I think its a great idea! At 11 mine goes into the shop ( I wait in the cafe) and buys the things for his packed lunches for the week. (a bread/similar, yoghurts or similar , fruit etc etc) If they are involved in making it and picking what goes in (within sensible nutritional guidelines) they are more likely to eat it!
Dont let anyone make you feel bad....surely being a mum is about teaching ready for life out in the world!
x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page