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Original poster

Making a 4 year old prepare her own packed lunches ?

200 replies

OnEdge · 30/03/2011 00:13

I have recently began making her pack her own lunches the night before pre school, put the bag in the fridge, carry it the next day and then when she gets home, she empties it, washes the bag out and puts it away.

I just mentioned this on facebook to my friend who was moaning about having to do all the lunches. She seemed a bit shocked that I make her do it.

Am I expecting too much from her? She also empties the dishwasher every day and puts some clothes away into the wardrobe.

I thought that if she was old enough to be able to do it then she ought to do it for herself. I do use it as a chance to discuss nutrition. As she chooses stuff to go in it, we talk about why it is healthy or not. (that sounds a bit smug but I'm really not normally) I have noticed that since she has started doing it herself it comes home empty too.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 31/03/2011 13:01

I think its fine OP I cant understand the problem.

I like teaching my DCs how to do things, I think its my job to help them learn how to look after themselves. I dont care if other parents choose not to or leave it a bit later than me though. Its for each family to decide.

All my lot have been expected to or will be expected to help around the house.

My DS can wash up, do the washing, cook, clean, iron etc When he leaves home he will be able to look after himself. That didnt happen overnight. I wanted to avoid suddenly springing the idea of helping out on him.

BUT if any of you thinks that by introducing jobs at an early age, your DCs will be chirpy, willing helpers aged 17 - they wont. They will still be sullen and grumpy.

Animation · 31/03/2011 13:08

Seeker - why? - Smile - because at that age they're still playing with pretend plastic pans on a plastic hob and giving you plates of pretend food with a pretend knife and fork.

seeker · 31/03/2011 13:17

So why can't they sometimes play with real knives and forks and give you real food on a real plate?

I repeat. Children adore using real stuff.

seeker · 31/03/2011 13:18

And they haven't stopped being children because they know how to make a sandwich!

flyingspaghettimonster · 31/03/2011 14:16

Every kid and family is different - if I tried to get my just turned 5 year old son to do the chores your daughter does, he would scream and rant and generally be a pig for weeks. If she thinks it is fun and likes the responsibility, good for you! So long as you aren't taking advantage of it by making her do the dishwasher when she is tired from school or under the weather, I dtyabu.

duchesse · 31/03/2011 22:09

seeker re your sock game Grin

It suddenly dawned on me the other that all those years I wasted sorting odd socks while muttering imprecations could have been used playing sock snap. Place all socks in front of children. Set stopwatch for 1 minute. Let them pair as many socks as possible in the minute. Award prize to child with most proper pairs. Would have saved so much (of my) time and been fun. I think they might be too old now (17, 15, 13).

duchesse · 31/03/2011 22:14

FWIW I agree with you seeker. My children are very autonomous and brimming with common sense now. I see friends' children who scare me with what they are unable to do or have never been allowed to do. eg friend's child aged 8 not allowed to make a sandwich; late teens who have never taken a bus and only ever come home by car.

My nephew was not allowed to cross a (quiet, country) road alone at 11 yo -my sister still lays his clothes out for him every day and he's now 13; she maintains that this is how she shows him that she loves him. I maintain that if I love my children I have to accept that their childhood is the chance I get to teach them how to be successful adults rather than dependent and needy adults, and let them do things as and when they are able.

exoticfruits · 31/03/2011 22:18

It is just as well that school, Beavers etc let them have knives, make sandwiches etc.

midori1999 · 31/03/2011 22:31

My children are older, but the older two (aged 15 and 10) can do lots of things for themselves, including baking cakes and making dinner, general housework, making their packed lunches, getting their own snacks/drinks etc.

Sometimes I ask them to do things for themselves, or to do the odd job like unloading the dishwasher or running the hoover about to help me out and they always do a good job and never mind helping one bit. However, I generally do these things myself as I am their Mum and I see it as my 'job in a way. My sister and I had to do an awful lot of chores when we were younger and we both really resented it and yes, we both feel it took away a part of our childhood, partly because of the time it took and partly as we never felt taken care of. I would absolutely hate my DC to feel the same way.

NameChange1234 · 31/03/2011 22:33

Don't see why it would be a problem, so long as she's not missing out on other important stuff, like playing with friends.

YANBU

kbaby · 31/03/2011 22:52

Tbh I get dd6 to clean up after herself. I generally have to help but I do think she is capable of making the mess so she should clean it up too. The same goes for getting herself a drink and putting her coat away.
I still do 98% of everything but I hate it when kids come home from school and throw their costs on the floor etc.
She also empties the dishwasher occasionally but normally only If she's trying to be on best behaviour or I ask her to give me a hand.

CaptainKirksNipples · 31/03/2011 23:09

Is 7 too young to make toast in a toaster unsupervised? Like I'm setting breakfast table and he's in the kitchen?

UnlikelyAmazonian · 31/03/2011 23:29

My ds is three. He insists on helping to cook (now has his own apron and chef's hat) and really loves it. He pats burgers, whisks batter (me holding whisk obviously) stirs everything possible with wooden spoons and slices cheese.

He also pulls the washing out of the machine and hands it to me to hang up, (your knickers, my pants, my sock, your sock, my vest, your logins (leggins Grin)

He puts his coat and wellies on and comes out to the garage to help get logs in for the fire ('baby' logs) and scumples up newspaper for the fire and throws logs on it when its going.

I quite understand the concerns about maybe making one older child the 'helper' if you have more than one - might cause resentment later etc - but i only have one ds.

And he LOVES helping. We smack hands high-fives stylee all the way through saying 'that's teamwork' as in Grandpa in my pocket.

But then he also knows 28 capital cities, can count to fifty and uses words like 'superlative' and 'pusillanimous'. I dont think he can possibly be mine.

mumeeee · 31/03/2011 23:59

I personally think a 4 year old is to young to pack thier own lunch.

Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 00:27

Why mumeee ?

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 00:30

I have noticed something, and I don't know if it is significant, but when DD is unloading the dishwasher which she does about 5 days out of 7, she sings a little song as she does it. She seems either content whilst doing it, or she zones out.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 00:37

Today my 18 m son tried to help me put the washing away, actually he was helpful too. I didn't ask him to because I couldn't. He stood on a chair next to me, and handed me coat hangers. Then he passed me odd socks and stuff that had fallen onto the floor. He can't really talk yet. He was loving it. He had me all to himself, ( older one at pre school, baby asleep ) He was enjoying the interaction and the praise. I am convinced that he has seen his sister helping me and was copying her or having a go. It was a magic half hour. No telly or radio just me and him enjoying each other. I have noticed that if he does a little job for me such as put something in the bin and I praise him, he does a little jump and grins. Just seems so right to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 01/04/2011 01:11

mathanxiety You are reading too much into everything. I bet you could interpret everything I do with my kids as being negative.

Just to respond, we happen to live on a large country estate of 1200 acres . My children are able to play freely outside for hours and hours. We go on daily walks together through woodland, and farmland. She attends ballet class and pre school regularly and has just started going to a football club on Saturday mornings. Every Friday, she has 3 or four of her friends round to play for a few hours, her cousin comes round most Sundays to play. Is that enough play and child like activities for ya ?

It is NOT extremely dangerous for a child of her age to sit in the front seat of the car. I have 3 kids, one of them has to. Car manufacturers and ROSPA both recommend that the largest child sits in the front seat. The alternative is for her to sit in the middle back seat which only has a lap belt - this is deemed less safe than in the front with a 3 point .

I have to go shopping - she enjoys coming with me, its hardly adultification, and she is my daughter, so unless I blindfold her and put ear plugs in her ears when I am with her, I can't help her becoming a mini me can I, its called Deoxyribo Nucleic Acid !

OP posts:
JustAnother · 01/04/2011 06:52

Dishwasher - ok providing there are no butcher knives, and she's supervised. You never know when your dishwasher has decided to break a glass in many pieces. I had a nasty cut when my dishwasher did, and of course I was not expecting the glass to be only 1/2 glass.

Washing machine - I wouldn't do it. The powder or tablets can be quite dangerous if she get some underneath her nails and then she touches her eyes, or something like that.

iscream · 01/04/2011 07:02

I remember my ds1's very first "chore". We were visiting my mom in her kitchen, and I asked him to please get the crackers. He toddled over to the lower cupboard, (he knew the house as well as his own) and got the box of saltines out, and very carefully brought them over to us. He looked so proud and we made a fuss over him.
Your little boys handling you socks to hang up reminded me. Thanks :)

iscream · 01/04/2011 07:02

Oh, he was 18 months old, I forgot that bit.

Hulababy · 01/04/2011 07:11

My DD is 8y and has no specific jobs at all and nothing related to her pocket money. But despite this she helps in the house because she wants too, not because she has to. As a member of the family it is just what is expected - we all chip in, but none of us having specific chores as such.

DD loves cooking so will often chose a meal and cook it for us all, increasingly independently.

She likes a tidy bedroom so she keeps her owwn room and playroom tidyand organised, makes her own bed, opens her curtains, etc - just out of routine, not because it is her chore.

She offers to hoover up and will often help DH sort the washing and help put it away.

But we don't ask her too - it's just a natural, instinctive part of family life here.

I personally don't like the idea of 4 years having set chores that they have to do. I think long term it might be counter productive as they try to rebel against it later on. And you hdo have to be very careful with her being the eldest that she doesn't end up with the lion's share compared to her siblings.

Also bare in mind that it was you who chose to have three children close in age, not your children. I think that reason for getting them doing chores when still little is a poor reason. there are better reasons to use.

TattyDevine · 01/04/2011 07:41

If I let my son (nearly 4) do his own lunch, I'd be having to buy a whole jar of Nutella every week, because there would be chocolate spread sandwiches with 4 inch thick chocolate spread and nothing else (no crusts either!)

He'd probably even make "truffles" by rolling teaspoonfulls of chocolate spread in coconut or something and that would be his pudding.

Yep you dont want to let that little dude near the chocoloate spread! (its mine all mine)

OP I dont think what you are doing is bad - as long as its not a big deal and something you are nagging her over or shouting at her if she gets it wrong or something! If its a fun interactive thing that happens to be teaching her independence in the long run, and sending a message about being self sufficient, I really can't see the harm.

exoticfruits · 01/04/2011 08:10

I think that it would be a good opportunity to discuss that chocolate spread sandwiches are not nutritious and give him a choice of other fillings!

TattyDevine · 01/04/2011 08:15

He doesn't have chocolate spread sandwiches. It is what he would have if he made his own lunch.