to detest splitting the bill?

[poopnscoop]

I have never thought it a good idea, as there are those who have 3 courses and drink a lot, and there are those who eat much less, and don't drink at all. But I have always gone along with it, not to cause a rumpus, and feeling I might just be being petty.

I had surgery a couple of months ago, I can only eat very little. I eat a starter/bowl of soup only, if that. I battle to get through a half pint of beer/fruit juice.

Last night I was out with 6 pals, as usual at the end they assumed the £215 bill would be split. I could see my friend (the banker) tot everything up, obviously there was a shortfall.

She looks to me 'Poop, have you put in your share of the bill?'

'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'.

Her face went red. I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.

It had to be done at last. I feel I have subsidised their drinks/meals long enough... but now that I am having even less than usual, enough is enough.

AIBU?

YANBU! Good for you!

I think it might have been best to mention that at the beginning of the meal rather than the end so it avoids confusion - was there a mad scramble afterwards for everyone to put in an extra fiver/tenner?

No, well done you!!

YANBU

It is only fair if people have more or less eaten and drunk the same things, which you hadn't.

Hurrah for your assertiveness!

YANBU, but I think its fair to make sure at the start of the evening you point out that you are only having a starter and a drink, and say it quite loudly so that everyone is aware of it too.

I noticed that whenever we go out with my American friends, because eating out is a regular occurence, it is common to add up your own share and just pay that. That way, nobody takes the pee by having the most expensive dishes on the menu and gets other to subsidise it.

Well, on the one hand I can see where you're coming from. It's a pain if you've eaten hardly anything and are expected to pay for other people's steaks and lobsters etc. So, YANBU

But, (personal bugbear) YABU for specifying that the friend dividing up the bill is a banker - what, is this to show that they're particularly evil and eat babies for breakfast?

But you were just as guilty as they were of making an assumption!

YANBU to detest splitting the bill, but YABU to not make this clear up front.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying at the beginning of the meal that you can't eat much (or can't afford much, if that's the case), and that you will therefore only be paying for what you have consumed.

Why do you feel you've been subsidising their meals/drinks for long enough, though? You say you've only had surgery recently. Does this really reflect a resentment about your friends that you have been harbouring for some time? Like the way you had to tell us that one of them is a banker ...

I think you are being a little bit U, if you have always done this with these friends, they weren't wrong to assume that you would be happy to continue.

What you should have done is said, "I'm not eating much at the mo, so I'll pay for mine separately and you guys split the rest of the bill... Ok?"

Money is always a contentious issue and I think you should have made it clear from the start that you didn't want to split instead of embarrassing your friend.

Normally I just find life is easier if you split the bill and it can get painful and hideous when people start working out exactly what they spent - assuming everyone's eaten/drunk roughly the same in any case.

But in your case you were quite right and they were taking the piss. If yours cost a tenner and there were 7 of you, then deducting you that's 205/6 = £34. Bloody expensive soup and I can't believe they'd think it would be OK.

YADNBU

That said I hate subsidising others choices I have never liked alchohol so hate splitting a bill where every1 else is drinking.
Perhaps I'm a social failure too?!

where we go for group meals they have a system where large groups can oder and pay separately. Each person/couple can take a spoon with a number on it and when you order anything you give your spoon number so it goes on your bill. If we go somewhere different we just open tabs under our own names and never just split bills as it is unfair.

I hate it when the evening is ruined by endless calculations of what each person owes so yep YABU ... BUT most of my friends are quick to acknowledge the driver or other person who for whatever reason clearly hasn't "spent" as much and some sort of rough calculation is usually made so they aren't out of pocket.

Er AbsduCroissant I think you might be being a little bit sensitive there. I read the reference to the banker as being an explanation of why that friend was in charge of splitting the bill. I don't think the OP was implying that her job explained her eeeeeeeevilness. Indeed OP's problem is that everyone at the table assumed they'd be splitting the bill not just the banker friend.

FWIW I hate NOT splitting the bill. Sitting there while people who can't add up try and work out what they ate is a nightmare. Esp as I am an accountant, so therefore I always have to add everything up... and it's never right, then you have to ask which of your friends is the tight wad who hasn't put enough in!

Always agree at the start how the cost is to be worked out, otherwise it spoils a good night. If i am out with a mixed group including children then we always have a seperate drinks kitty. None of us is 'tight' we just think that it is fairer that way. Often my drinks (a bottle of cheap house wine) works out less than the children on J2O's.

yanbu

when you have so much less than everyone else i'm surprised they didn't suggest you pay less! that's what i would have done.

if it's a case of a couple of quid between this main and that, then split by all means.

Stewie, yes, this is in California. :) I had forgotten the split bills thing too.. that makes it a lot easier as well when there are a few of us. I love eating out over there, it is just simpler, and you dont get huffed at by the waitress when you ask for anything either. :)

There are so many "eat what you like for $xx" places now though, and that to me is the perfect solution. Everyone pays the same, and you get your drinks separately. There should be more buffet type places over here really.

The friend (who just happens to be a banker) enjoys totting up the bill, always has done.. and we joke that it's best she does it anyhow, as she is the one with a head for figures :)

I have had VERY little to eat for months, I would have thought they would notice this at some stage?

I have made comments (big hints, or so I thought!?) to 3 of the girls at different times re me only eating a little and that 'the one good thing about that, is that my part of the bill will be so much less than everyone else's when we all go out'.

So I (obviously mistakenly) thought someone might put and two together. When I saw they were still going to split the bill as per usual last night I thought 'enough is enough'.

There's only ever one way to avoid this, and that's to say 'we're going to be splitting the bill, OK?', when the meal is being first planned.

Not at the start of the meal, unless you feel happy doing a runner from the table!

Nope. Sorry! No point hinting - you must know how much this issue winds people up - you should have said clearly at the beginning of the meal.

The OP stopped hinting though. She came right out with it. Good for her. They'll remember next time.

Right, I get you

Super sensitive at the moment with all the constant "anyone who works in a bank is a PURE EVIL" that's been coming out in the press. I'm not evil! I'm lovely!