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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest splitting the bill?

190 replies

poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 09:15

I have never thought it a good idea, as there are those who have 3 courses and drink a lot, and there are those who eat much less, and don't drink at all. But I have always gone along with it, not to cause a rumpus, and feeling I might just be being petty.

I had surgery a couple of months ago, I can only eat very little. I eat a starter/bowl of soup only, if that. I battle to get through a half pint of beer/fruit juice.

Last night I was out with 6 pals, as usual at the end they assumed the £215 bill would be split. I could see my friend (the banker) tot everything up, obviously there was a shortfall.

She looks to me 'Poop, have you put in your share of the bill?'

'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'.

Her face went red. Hmm I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.

It had to be done at last. I feel I have subsidised their drinks/meals long enough... but now that I am having even less than usual, enough is enough.

AIBU?

OP posts:
KatieWatie · 30/03/2011 10:16

Trillian So what's the alternative, order food I don't want that just gets wasted and adds to the bill? I don't see how it's 'unfriendly' to force food down your own throat that you don't want to eat. Maybe THEY'RE being 'unfriendly' by having starters when I don't want one Wink

And to those who think the OP should have announced her intentions from the start - why? You wouldn't go into a clothes shop and say "right, I'm only going to pay for my own shopping Friend, just so we're clear I'm not paying for yours!". People would think you were mad!

It's perfectly reasonable in ALL situations to only pay for what you've cost, and her friends shouldn't have been surprised or felt aggrieved in any way (which it sounds like they didn't anyway) unless they are totally obnoxious and go through life expecting others to pay for them.

Morloth · 30/03/2011 10:20

Not when the standing arrangement is to split the bill.

Personally I would rather float the whole table than go through a bill at the end of a good meal with friends.

KatieWatie · 30/03/2011 10:30

Yes agreed if it's a standing arrangement...

iskra · 30/03/2011 10:36

God, this really rankled when I was pregnant & I wasn't drinking yet still had to pay for my "share" of alcohol.

Sassybeast · 30/03/2011 11:06

'Falls on floor in dead faint at being invited out to dinner by LeQueen'

But will accept if everyone PROMISES not to bring out calculators or count how many olives I've eaten.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 30/03/2011 11:13

'ppo in your posts I felt there was a definite sense of 'Hah, I showed them they won't take advantage of me again...'

Sorry, if that isn't the case?'

Not at all Smile That is not who I am at all LeQueen

I, in hindsight (as I mentioned on a much earlier post) should have told them earlier, and not assumed they'd notice. I am someone who WOULD notice someone was eating less (especially if they had had surgery that changes their eating quantities forever), but then not everyone is I have found out. It's no biggie, we all learn.

OP posts:
Original poster
poopnscoop · 30/03/2011 11:15

Dare I stick my lil hand up and ask if I can come to dinner too????

(awaits the onslaught...?) Grin

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 30/03/2011 11:24

Only if you promise to get a separate bill and don't you dare even LOOK at my olives Angry Cos I'm having starters AND pudding AND champagne Wink

Original poster
poopnscoop · 30/03/2011 11:30

You can bladdy well have what you want, just don't expect moi to pay for it! Grin

I want champagne too! stamps foot

OP posts:
LeQueen · 30/03/2011 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 30/03/2011 13:33

I don't have a problem with just splitting the bill, much easier and nicer than having to go through who had what and add up every little item. That seems a bit petty to me.

Maybe if one person has obviously had a lot less than everyone else (i.e. they just had a starter and drank water, while everyone else had three courses with wine), but that would be unusual.

Trillian · 30/03/2011 14:19

I think it is very rude of people who have 3 courses and alcohol to expect someone who ate less and did not have anything to drink to split the bill evenly.

I think if you state at the start that you will be paying your own share and some for the tip then that is fine.

I would not expect someone that had a soup and a juice to pay the same amount as me if I had 3 courses and some wine.

YANBU op not in the least

AKissIsNotAContract · 30/03/2011 14:24

I think people who work out their exact share of the bill are pathetic, whats a few quid between mates? Sometimes people buy a round and everyone wants a drink, then when it's your round only 2 people do. It all works out in the end. (Or do people who work out their exact share of the bill not buy rounds either?)

Ephiny · 30/03/2011 14:30

It's reasonable when there's a very big difference like in the OP though, if she literally only had a bowl of soup I think she was right to do what she did, and in fact I'm amazed her friends would have 'let' her pay so much more than her share.

A few pounds here or there though, it's petty and unpleasant to quibble about that IMO.

fridgeraiders · 30/03/2011 14:46

Don't think you are bu but agree you shouldn't have said it first rather than waiting for the moment to arise as it were. I get the sense it was not just about the bill but you also feel your friends have not shown enough interest/understanding with regards to your surgery generally?

tallulah · 30/03/2011 17:27

Trillian- I am a person who never has a starter because I love pudding and can't manage 3 courses Grin If others are having starters I generally just slowly drink my juice. The last place we went in a group brought bread over "for the people not having starters" so that gave us something to do.

I always end up paying for more than I've had, so I only go out in a group when I can't get out of it. I don't have a problem when it's three or four pounds. Sadly more often than not it is more like ten or twenty extra, and I just can't afford it.

The very first time this happened to me (a work Xmas dinner), three people literally had the biggest/ most expensive starter; most expensive main and biggest pudding. They had several bottles of wine plus liqueur coffees. It was those 3 people who made the biggest fuss that they wanted to split the bill, so it obviously their intention not to pay for what they'd had.

TheBolter · 30/03/2011 17:37

YANBU, we have a group of friends that we go out with regularly, and I remember feeling quite pissed off when pregnant, and even now because dh and I live in a nearby village and ALWAYS end up being the ones to drive, so less alcohol consumed between us. There is one couple that always eat and drink more than the rest of us. I remember once making a stand about splitting the bill equally and it was quite humiliating for the 'greedy couple' Grin because their bill was twice the size of ours!

But usually, when I feel all's equal - when we're all drinking, and all eating roughly the same amount - I am quite happy to split the bill. It's far easier.

One of my friends, who doesn't drink, seems to have a habit of slipping away before the bill's paid, leaving her 'share' according to whatever she's spent plus a little extra as a tip.

NoHunIntended · 30/03/2011 17:40

YANBU! Glad you are feeling better after your operation, and after finally not subsidising everyone else's food/drink.

10 years ago I went on a small hen do - there were about eight of us, and the bride-to-be just wanted to go for a meal. The girl organising it found the swankiest most over-priced style-over-substance restaurant possible. I forewarned the restaurant before we booked that I was vegan, as there was nothing on their menu that I could eat, and was told they would cater for me. They offered me lettuce salad for my starter (seriously, it was just lettuce), my main was the same lettuce salad but with a couple of tomatoes and ooh! a couple of walnuts, and dessert was fruit salad. Out of a tin. I am also a non-drinker, and just had one glass of juice.

The others, however, all order Champagne cocktails, Champagne, fancy wine, lobster, steak etc etc. Bill came. Mine set out that my salads would cost me £15. My drink was a couple of pounds, so including a tip, £20 covered me. (And yes, I was flabbergasted that measly salad could cost £15, when all it was was lettuce that costs about 20p, but anyway.
Bill came, and the organiser took it, did her sums, and announced we all owed £150!!! Yes - she wanted £150 from me, for a bit of salad and a soft drink. I said no.

kaid100 · 30/03/2011 18:49

Unless you ate some of other people's orders (in tapas style), definitely YANBU.

FellatioNelson · 30/03/2011 21:40

sassy 'I'm having starters and olives and pudding and champagne'

That's my girl. Grin

Morloth · 30/03/2011 22:28

And cheese and port at the end.

forwantofabetter1 · 30/03/2011 22:39

We are part of a group (4 couples) that regularly go out together and while we all eat more or less the same cost wise one couple dont drink wine., He will have a couple of beers and she regularly drives as she is still BFing. We would never assume to split the bill equally as we do tend to hammer the wine. We usually get a food bill and a drinks bill seperatley.

So no YANBU OP personally I think your friends are being BVU to not notice that you were not eating or drinking and suggest that you only pay your share in the first place!

Happylander · 30/03/2011 22:41

You can ask for separate bills in restaurants though. I would just ask the waiter to put your order separately after explaining to the rest that you are too skint/don't want to split/not drinking blah blah

Original poster
poopnscoop · 30/03/2011 22:41

Never been to Oz, I'm looking forward to it! I am off to Africa in a couple of weeks, my Virgin airmiles will sky rocket Smile

OP posts:
muminthemiddle · 30/03/2011 22:43

Op Yanbu.

I have avoided going out to eat with a certain group of friends because they always want to split the bill.however unlike thyem, I don't usually eat a starter and I don't drink as much as them. So I really don't see why I should be paying an extra £15 when I can hardly afford it.

I really don't see why if someone orders say £50 worth of food plus shares several bottles of wine they expect to pay less than £60 for it, why assume that others will subsidise your meal?