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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest splitting the bill?

190 replies

poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 09:15

I have never thought it a good idea, as there are those who have 3 courses and drink a lot, and there are those who eat much less, and don't drink at all. But I have always gone along with it, not to cause a rumpus, and feeling I might just be being petty.

I had surgery a couple of months ago, I can only eat very little. I eat a starter/bowl of soup only, if that. I battle to get through a half pint of beer/fruit juice.

Last night I was out with 6 pals, as usual at the end they assumed the £215 bill would be split. I could see my friend (the banker) tot everything up, obviously there was a shortfall.

She looks to me 'Poop, have you put in your share of the bill?'

'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'.

Her face went red. Hmm I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.

It had to be done at last. I feel I have subsidised their drinks/meals long enough... but now that I am having even less than usual, enough is enough.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 15:01

NetworkGuy is correct... and, seeing as my surgery was bariatric (due to years of heavy steroid usage for my severe asthma my weight practically doubled), am I not right to assume my friends (who I have chatted with at length re the surgery and how my life would change afterwards) would consider that???

And yes... my health has improved greatly thank you! I am no longer on the awful prednisolone steroids for my asthma, and have lost 26kgs thus far Grin

So, excuuuuuse me (some of you) for being 'petty' (in your eyes), but if I do not only pay my share I will be forking out loads more than I ever need to, to continue having a social life.

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 29/03/2011 15:02

Well given that you knew you would eat so little I don't think YABU but I do think a) you might have breezily mentioned it before ordering, just so everyone was aware, and b) at least one of them would have had the decency to notice, and point out that you shouldn't have to fork out as much as the rest.

But equally I hate petty people who quibble over who had pudding and who didn't , or who point out that some main courses cost more than others - that's an awful way to be.

MikeRotch · 29/03/2011 15:04

agree with

"YANBU, but I think its fair to make sure at the start of the evening you point out that you are only having a starter and a drink, and say it quite loudly so that everyone is aware of it too"

MikeRotch · 29/03/2011 15:05

i dont think people order uncessarily to make others pay

surely you dont haev MATES who do this?

if so why are they mates?

Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 15:07

Re not saying anything earlier than when the bill was being worked out, I had told them about me saving £ since my surgery when going out to restaurants, to a few of the girls (including the lass totting up the bill), and had (now, obviously wrongly) assumed they would put 2 and 2 together... and (as I have pointed out already in this post) I have learnt this lesson.. that things need spelling out!

Did the fact I have surgery and am eating miniscule amounts go totally unnoticed by all? Confused

OP posts:
beanandspud · 29/03/2011 15:10

No easy answer but I don't think YABU.

Went out for a meal with a group of friends the other week and we all put in what we thought we owed. The 'Head Friend' then decided that there was too much being left as a tip and pocketed the difference. We were all Shock that he thought that was ok.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 15:11

'"YANBU, but I think its fair to make sure at the start of the evening you point out that you are only having a starter and a drink, and say it quite loudly so that everyone is aware of it too"'

In normal circumstances this would work, yes... but we are talking about me (a quiet lass) trying to talk shout over a rowdy bunch of gals on a night out, with loud music. And even in doing this, it might look petty to some.

OP posts:
leroymerlin · 29/03/2011 15:13

FellatioNelson "But equally I hate petty people who quibble over who had pudding and who didn't , or who point out that some main courses cost more than others - that's an awful way to be."

Your language here shows exactly why it's difficult to say 'I'm only paying for what I've had'. It's not 'a way to be' often it's called 'not having enough money'.

I saw a tears spring to a girl's eyes at a hen do when she realised they were splitting the bill.

OP YANBU

Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 15:22

Thanks for that leroymerlin - I agree 100%.

Splitting the bill at a Hen Do??? NEVER!!!!

OP posts:
KatieWatie · 29/03/2011 15:32

MikeRotch - I know LOTS of people who do this. And no they're not mates, they're work people, and I don't go out to eat with them any more!

I can see how it seems petty to a lot of people here to only pay for what you had, but when you are sitting eating very little (admittedly by 'choice' if you can call having a small appetite a choice), and watching people surround themselves with satellites of food, it can be very grating.

I do wonder if they go out with their partners and order the same amount of food, or if they just wait til their meal is subsidised by colleagues...

It's really the principal of it. I'm not mean by any stretch (and in fact I have always coughed up for the unfair bill split) but I'd rather pay less at the meal and then, say, get a round in or something. At least then it would be MY choice what I'm spending MY money on.

HopeForTheBest · 29/03/2011 15:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

schroeder · 29/03/2011 16:05

YANBU I think we should start a campaign to stop bill splitting entirely.

I want to be billed for what I have had and yes I am petty, I am aware of the small things; an extra coffee or dessert does make a difference to some people.

The ridiculous, selfish attitude that people cannot be arsed to tot it up at the end of the evening really pisses me off. Some people pay for lots of things they cannot be arsed to do; fair enough their choice, but to force others to do it too and look down on them as 'petty' if they don't want to is certainly not.

FellatioNelson · 29/03/2011 16:09

Well if it is the case that you cannot afford to pay for anything other than exactly what you order then it is best to say so at the beginning. Nobody is offended at that point, but it can look petty if you start splitting hairs at the end. It does depend on the circumstances though, which is why I think it's best to be upfront at the start.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 16:10

schroder Methinks that the people that post here that they cannot be bothered to stand around waiting for a bill to be totted up fairly are possibly those guilty of not paying enough!? Grin

OP posts:
mousymouse · 29/03/2011 16:11

I hate the splitting thing too, but with colleagues we have the system that everyone puts their share+tip on the table which works quite well. maybe suggest that next time?

MrsH75 · 29/03/2011 16:13

If I were out with a group of friends we would notice that someone wasn't drinking, or had less than everyone and work out a lesser amount for them.

But I do think everyone working out individually and paying only what they owe in a large group is an absolute nightmare, embarrassingly parochial and barring what I said above I think it is perfectly reasonable to split it among everyone else rather than working out - yours is 21.52, yours is £23.87, yours is £19.53...etc

Sassybeast · 29/03/2011 16:13

I find it fascinating how people insist that they don't want the bill split because they are not 'drinking' yet conveniently fail to acknowledge that the soft drinks/poncey water they have quaffed all night isn't given free as a goodwill gesture by the restauarant. OP, you should have been upfront - dropping 'hints' is very PA.
The 'I didn't have pudding' or 'I didn't order the olives' ( but I quite enjoyed eating them) saga at the end of the night really puts a dampner on things if it goes on and on and on - as it tends to do with a group of women! If you have an issue with it, place your order separately.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 16:15

A bit of a difference between £8 and £35 though, wouldn't you say? No matter the size of the group. Unless it's a 'cost per head' scenario.

OP posts:
schroeder · 29/03/2011 16:16

I'm not suggesting that, just that the attitude that a five or ten pounds either way does not matter, is a luxury.

bamboostalks · 29/03/2011 16:16

I find it strange that people have this odd relationship with their friends. Surely if you have had major surgery, that would be a talking point and real friends wouldn't dream of letting you soak up massive excess. You sound triumphant in your op, like "you have shown them" etc...Very peculiar to me.

MrsH75 · 29/03/2011 16:17

The 'I didn't have pudding' or 'I didn't order the olives' ( but I quite enjoyed eating them) saga at the end of the night really puts a dampner on things if it goes on and on and on - as it tends to do with a group of women! If you have an issue with it, place your order separately.

God, yes I'd never want to go out with those people again if that happened at the end of a night.

Sassybeast · 29/03/2011 16:17

Which is why you should have sorted it beforehand.... Perhaps take a packed lunch next time - that's if they invite you Wink

bibbitybobbityhat · 29/03/2011 16:18

The groups I go out in always look out for the people who have eaten a lot less than others, or are not drinking. Although non-alcoholic drinks are not as cheap as some people imagine.

Unless I'm driving I always drink wine when I go out. But I never ever order pudding or coffee, so have no problem sharing my bill with non-drinking friends who do have those things.

stream · 29/03/2011 16:18

"'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'. Her face went red."

Banker friend was embarrassed, but not because she was put on the spot, but because the group had finally been called on their unfairness, imo.

Original poster
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 16:20

'(1) I find it fascinating how people insist that they don't want the bill split because they are not 'drinking' yet conveniently fail to acknowledge that the soft drinks/poncey water they have quaffed all night isn't given free as a goodwill gesture by the restauarant.

(2) The 'I didn't have pudding' or 'I didn't order the olives' ( but I quite enjoyed eating them) saga at the end of the night really puts a dampner on things if it goes on and on and on - as it tends to do with a group of women! If you have an issue with it, place your order separately.'

Sassybeast I fall into neither 2 groups you speak of Hmm... as mentioned already, I will in future spell things out - although it still beggars belief that they would assume I'd split the food/drink bill equally after the surgery I had...

OP posts: