to detest splitting the bill?

[poopnscoop]

I have never thought it a good idea, as there are those who have 3 courses and drink a lot, and there are those who eat much less, and don't drink at all. But I have always gone along with it, not to cause a rumpus, and feeling I might just be being petty.

I had surgery a couple of months ago, I can only eat very little. I eat a starter/bowl of soup only, if that. I battle to get through a half pint of beer/fruit juice.

Last night I was out with 6 pals, as usual at the end they assumed the £215 bill would be split. I could see my friend (the banker) tot everything up, obviously there was a shortfall.

She looks to me 'Poop, have you put in your share of the bill?'

'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'.

Her face went red. I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.

It had to be done at last. I feel I have subsidised their drinks/meals long enough... but now that I am having even less than usual, enough is enough.

AIBU?

TBH as long as its not a lot I don't mind splitting it

Surely the best solution is to go somewhere everyone can afford however much everyone has to eat/drink.

'Banker friend was embarrassed, but not because she was put on the spot, but because the group had finally been called on their unfairness, imo.'

stream this friend actually phoned me today and apologised, bless her (it wasn't necessary to apologise!). She said (in her words) that she 'just didn't think'.

I told her I should have spoken up earlier (above the noise of the restaurant!) and ensured they all knew I would not be splitting the bill any more as my food needs had changed since surgery.

I'd say that she was probably embarassed at the blunt way it was expressed rather than the concept/fairness of someone paying less in itself.

'Surely the best solution is to go somewhere everyone can afford however much everyone has to eat/drink.'

MrsH this had nothing to do with not being able to afford the meal.

OP if your friends have a problem, they haven't got a leg to stand on, and they will know it.

What are they going to say, "I object to the fact that you didn't pay for the things I ate"?!

You eat it, you pay for it. Or at least expect to pay for it.

Yes, thanks Toby, of course I didn't mean OP had had surgery just to piss people off. That doesn't even make sense as she wouldn't have been pissed off about paying over the odds for food if she wasn't, and she wasn't paying over the odds until she had had surgery...eh NetworkGuy?!

Anyway, I meant as interpreted, that it sounds like this had been hacking you off for a while op (rightly ) but instead of saying something you let it slide and waited while it was added up etc before saying anything. Adding "more than my fair share" (which of prob wasn't when you add tip etc) made you sound chippy, as against just letting her know, if you see what I mean.

Anyway, all's well that ends well!

MrsH this had nothing to do with not being able to afford the meal.

No but what other posters were saying did.

Anyway, I'm with
LeQueen sassy and fellatio and

That sounds like a good night out anyway.

I can't imagine any other circumstance where this would happen.

You wouldn't, say, go to Legoland as a single person with your mate and her 5 kids, and pay half the total cost of the ticket price. Would you?

I'm genuinely confused why it's considered unreasonable to only pay for what you've had - I can't imagine sitting in a restaurant, eating everything off the menu, and being totally unaware that someone else had sat and eaten nothing and was paying for my food. I'd feel absolutely terrible about it (and not just the indigestion!) and be the first to pipe up that they shouldn't pay the same as the rest of us. That doesn't seem to apply in return though.

I'm well aware soft drinks aren't free, but I make them last a lot longer than I would if I was out on a bender... I don't drink coffee, I don't do pudding, I don't fit into any of the categories mentioned by Sasssybeast either, so why should I pay well over the odds just to go out for a meal whilst others get away with paying less thanks to me not eating much?? It makes no sense.

Yes but KW that scenario rarely happens does it? Usually we are talking about a big group where maybe three of them have a pud, two people share a cheese board, the rest have nothing, but they might have coffee while the cheese and pud people may or may not have coffee, one person ordered pasta at £8, someone ordered steak at £14, but most people ordered the chicken which fell somewhere in between, some had three glasses of wine, but someone had only one glass (driving) but then two large cokes.

It really can be quite unseemly and agonising to sit there totting up to the penny who owes what, then faffing around with odd amounts of money, who has the right change and who doesn't, or asking the waiter to run run eight credit cards for eight separate amounts through the machine - which will totally piss him off. And what about tips? Some people do 10% some 15% some none - on eight separate amounts? Sounds like embarrassing chaos to me.

Quite commonly the difference in monetary terms is a matter of three or four pounds at most. If three or four pounds is that much of an issue then you really ought to be just politely telling your friends in advance that you'll be ordering separately and paying separately. I realise that in the OP's situation she really wasn't eating much at all, but it is rarely a scenario this extreme.

If I thought a friend was constantly 'forgetting' or 'not noticing' that I was always out of pocket to the tune of a tenner or more, I'd start to question the friendship TBH, but likewise if I thought someone was always going to be embarrassingly crass over £1.76 or whatever, I'd not be questioning that friendship too. I find people like that tiresome. There are degrees of acceptability over this. It always amazes me how black and white some of you see life.

Sorry I mean I would be questioning that friendship too.

Quite, Fellatio.

It is the norm to split the bill in restaurants in the groups I go out in because the money side of things more or less evens itself out over time, and to split hairs over a few pounds is awful, crass and mean.

Besides which, so long as someone keeps an eye out for the person who didn't drink or who only had the starter and adjusts the bill for them accordingly - surely we've all done this? - then that seems adequate to me. Far preferable to everyone getting out their calculators and paying their little bit. Shudder.

To think we should all do our bit.

We all complain about the greed of the big banks and their part in causing the economic mess we're in, but how many have voted with their feet and moved to the more ethical banks eg the Co-op , or Building Societies eg Nationwide. Also, we should be helping this country get back on its feet, by buying British products or buying insurance etc from companies which have UK only call centres.It's no good complaining about unemployment if we are not prepared to do our bit to support our country.

Oh yeah - the whipping out of the calculator - definately a cue to retire to the bar (after chucking copious amounts of cash on the table of course )

YANBU, and well done for making your point. I was in a similar position as a student (health problem which led to v limited appetite and no alcohol), and it's so frustrating to constantly be paying four or five times more than the entire cost of your meal.

I also think the onus should be on everyone else to notice that one of their party is consuming significantly less than them, so that they can then offer to split it more fairly and save the small-eater / non-drinker from the embarrassment of having to quibble. It's just boorish bad manners to be that unaware. I would be mortified if a friend had to point out that I was consistently making them pay more than their fair share.

Yes Fellatio I totally agree, there is no WAY I would sit totting up to the penny - how mortifying that would be for me - but I think a rough and ready rounding (upwards!) of what I've actually had, and add on a few quid for a tip, should be acceptable. I'd still be paying more than enough, and more than I would be if I'd sat and eaten on my own. I agree there's nothing worse than people grumbling about every penny but that's not what I'm advocating. It's not one extreme or the other is it? I just don't see why it should always be the extreme that ends up with me being worse off!

It's the principal of it that bothers me, not the actual money. I'd like to be paying less than the guy down the end of the table who earns 3x more than me, orders 3x more than me for himself and everyone to share whether they like it or not as if he's being "Mr Generous", and then expects me to pay for it when the bill is split at the end!

I am the one regularly out of pocket at work meals out, and none of them are 'friends' enough to notice or care, hence why I don't really participate any more. I'll go to the drinks before or after because at least then I'm getting what I'm paying for, and if I want to subsidise other's gluttony then I at least get a choice in it

I'm a bit puzzled as to why some people think poop was being unreasonable not to mention her desire to pay separately at the start. Are you suggesting that the others were right to feel aggrieved at paying their fair share rather than be subsidised?

Yes, it's annoying calculating bills down to the last penny, but huge differences aren't right. Last time I went out with a couple of friends we did a quick estimate and the amounts were roughly equal so we just split it, but for large numbers I'm not sure what the best solution is.

And I'm not so sure that if you split the bill it will even out over time. Surely it's generally the same people drinking lots, or eating very little?

Planetearth - no that's not what I (or anyone else) was suggesting at all. The problem arises when people are relaxed and enjoying themselves in the company of friends, everyone assuming that settling the bill will be part of that relaxed and friendly evening. All of a sudden an awkward silence descends when it eventually becomes obvious that someone is not happy and immediately it places a strain on the evening. Being upfront at the start and ordering separately cuts out the embarrassment for everyone.

Actually sassy, me mentioning I would like to pay my share and not split the bill, did not strain the evening at all, no-where did I say that!? Everyone happily split the rest of the bill as per usual, sans my amount... why would it mar the evening or mean an awkward silence??

My friend went red (briefly) when I mentioned it as she realised she should have thought of my situation (only eating so little), and hadn't factored it in. We chatted on the phone about this today, as mentioned in a previous post.

And had I mentioned this at the beginning/middle/end of the meal, why should it make a difference? Would they have ordered differently? Of course not.

My friends are not that precious :)

But you are precious enough to post a thread about it

I like to pay for what i have separately not because i think i have less but because i like to have more!

I drink way more than my mates and most of them are veggies so often have food which costs less.

They insist on splitting the bill so i end up ordering what i don't want to match the cost of their choices and only having 1 drink when i really want 3!