to detest splitting the bill?

[poopnscoop]

I have never thought it a good idea, as there are those who have 3 courses and drink a lot, and there are those who eat much less, and don't drink at all. But I have always gone along with it, not to cause a rumpus, and feeling I might just be being petty.

I had surgery a couple of months ago, I can only eat very little. I eat a starter/bowl of soup only, if that. I battle to get through a half pint of beer/fruit juice.

Last night I was out with 6 pals, as usual at the end they assumed the £215 bill would be split. I could see my friend (the banker) tot everything up, obviously there was a shortfall.

She looks to me 'Poop, have you put in your share of the bill?'

'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'.

Her face went red. I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.

It had to be done at last. I feel I have subsidised their drinks/meals long enough... but now that I am having even less than usual, enough is enough.

AIBU?

But why hint? Why not just say at the beginning of the meal? I completely see your point that they were thoughtless but I think you really just needed to be up front about it.

Generally splitting the bill is easiest if most people are eating & drinking vaguely the same amount of food, and if it's people you go out with regularly then it will normally even out over time, but if someone is having a lot less food or drink then they shouldn't be expected to join in the full split.

OP the lesson here is that sometimes you really just have to point out the obvious to people very explicitly, expecting people just to notice things can work but doesn't guarantee results. I hope you're recovering well from your surgery

I have learnt my lesson

I would have taken the hint had a friend said this to me... and would definitely notice were my friend eating markedly less than usual. But that's just me.

In future I will remind them at the beginning of the meal that I will only be paying my share. They can split the rest should they wish to, as per usual.

I have always (pre surgery) had a main meal, seldom a pudding (I don't have a sweet toof), and max one drink. They have much more than that, but it's been fine, I have no resentment toward them at all, as the £ difference was not so huge then. I far prefer a good night out with my pals

TBH I think you?ve been pretty passive aggressive about this. You should have said at the start of the meal you wanted to split or failing that when the bill arrived ? before when people started to put in money. Doing it only AFTER everyone has put in their money meaning there is a shortfall is only going to lead to annoyance and resentment.

If I were your friend I wouldn?t have a problem with you wanting to pay less at all, but I?d be pretty unhappy with the way you?d handled it.

I think your friends did know you were paying more than you should but let it carry on because it saved them money. Why else would the banker specifically ask you if you had put your money in as opposed to the group as a whole. Well done for standing up for yourself.

AbsDuCroissant my brother is a banker, and some friends. I love bankers

I hate splitting the bill. I have never been a big eater or rich and I hate having to pay for other peoples greediness. But people just assume the bill will be split and if you just tried to pay for your own you'd be thought of as tight. One particular group of friends has a couple who are just greedy. One very expensive night they between them bumped what would normally be about £30 a head up to £50. I ate food costing £10. Was not pleased.

YANBU...I don't drink and wouldn't want to stump up for alcohol

We were at a meal on Sat night for a hen/stag do and we were very clear that we could only pay for our actual food/drink in the week before the event. This is because a) I'm P and not drinking and b) DP's work situation is very shaky (more or less unemployed after this week, although has some freelance and is working hard to get more.) As DP is best man however, we needed to attend so we were clear about the terms that worked for us.

We didn't have starters or puds, I had one soft drink and he had two glasses of wine. We were at a restaurant where most wine starts at £25/bottle and everyone else had starters/main/puds and copious amounts of booze. We left a bit early anyhow because I was tired and before the horrible bill splitting time which I hate anyhow and gave the groom £40 which he has absolutely fine with.

YANBU to be annoyed with your friends for maybe not being more observant (if it were me, I'd know about my friend's circumstances and notice they weren't eating much, and wouldn't dream of expecting them to subsidise) but just be clear when accepting any invitations next time.

The whole bill thing is why I don't really enjoy eating out in large groups - anything more than between 4-6 and you start running into these problems.

A friend of mine drives me mad with her refusal to split the bill, as she always underestimates what hers costs. She will only pay for what she specifically orders. So if bread and olives are shared first, but she didn't order them, she will happily tuck in, but not pay for them. In the same way, if someone orders a bottle of wine, she'll have some if it's offered to her, but because she didn't order it, in her head it is a gift from the person who did order it..... She never leaves anything towards service charge or tip, so it always costs everyone else extra for the pleasure of her company. Not suggesting this is what you did OP, just venting!

Runoutofideas I think we all know people like this haha

We were having a cream tea with a friend (who will happily acknowledge she's a scrooge?), and at the end she whispers 'do you have to tip for tea?'

I nearly rung her neck! Erm... YES!

I have another friend (a bloke, who is ironically far wealthier than any of us), who never pays tips. Period. And is notably the most demanding of guests (sends food back often). So we, feeling for the waitress, always put in extra to cover his scrooginess (is that a word??). Needless to say we don't go out that often with him!

YANBU. Unless it's a very big group it's always obvious when someone has eaten/drank much less that the others imo.

Leaving it to that person to have to point it out when the bill comes and possibly get the flack for being mean is just rude, and smacks of trying to get away with paying your fair share.

If everyone's had about the same then by all means split, but if you know one person wasn't drinking or just had a main course while everyone else was having starter/main/pudding/coffee then you should mention it. Sometimes the person is happy to split in any case and sometimes soft drinks are just as much as alcohol, but you can work it out in seconds without having to go through the bill with a fine tooth comb.

Oh well done for being assertive. And I'm a bit surprised at those who are saying you were too 'passive' at the start. A meal with friends shouldn't be all about how much is spent and by whom but the friends should be considerate of eachother. FFS - did none of them notice your empty plate whilst they were guzzling? I'd have been SO ashamed if it had been me splitting it evenly, forgetting about you.

Splitting the bill became a bugbear of mine whilst preg and out with a group of well off friends. They said they'd have a drinker's bill and a driver's bill. Ordered starters for everyone, quaffed bottle after bottle of wine, then had shots, then split the bill between everyone and rushed everyone to pay. I was a bit and emotional and when I got home (wuss) mad as hell that I'd subsidised their drinking by £20.

At subsequent meals I've specifically bought my own drink and said I'll just have this to show I was seperating myself from the main meal share. But it is really, really awkward when your finances and expectations don't match. You want to share the experience with them but it doesn't mean you share the same disposable income. And pointing this out can make you seem petty minded - rather than the truthful SKINT.

I hate splitting the bill because I like a glass of wine then a massive jug of tap water.

The restaurant charge for lemonade/J2O/bottled water easily rivals the cost of a glass of wine - a great profit source but hidden by the social acceptance that non-alcoholic drinks cost 'nothing'.

Rant over, OP your friends should have noticed and I hope they are supporting you after surgery, perhaps they wrongly assumed you were back to 'normal'.

I think yanbu but the way you let friend work it out then say to the penny how much yours came to was u. Just say at the beginning,I'm sure no one would have a problem with that. I find it pisses me off when people say oooh I don't pay for alcohol but then spend just as much on soft drinks but contribute less to the bill.

Runoutofideas I agree, people who round under their bill are just as annoying.

A lot of places automatically add 10% to the bill for large parties anyhow, so you can't exactly wiggle out of paying it.

YANBU to be pissed off that your friend's do the split bill thing and don't see that it's unfair. I like to drink wine when I go for dinner - luckily here in Oz lots of restaurants are BYO so I can just bring as much as I want to drink (and share) - but if I am in a split bill situation with people who drink less than me I will ALWAYS say "I drank more so I'll chuck in an extra $whatever".

BUT, saying that, when you say you have made comments along the lines of "my share will be less when we go out" would make me think that you are the kind of person that I would never want to share a meal with, let alone a friendship. Sorry - I loathe the whole passive aggressive thing. You're an adult - have an adult conversation with your friends and talk it through before you get to the point where the bill has arrived.

Well done you!

When we split the bill any excessive amount (such as someone on alcohol all night or had an extra course or someone who had the cheap veggie main and no starter) is removed from the bill before it's split and then the extras sorted between those people. I don't like it when you're careful about drinking and get stuck with someone else's drinks bill!

Oh the embarrassment of the rogue apostrophe!

sunnydelight I am glad my pals (after a lifelong friendship) don't want to drop me just because of one meal

As mentioned before, I assumed (incorrectly) that they might notice what I was not eating and not drinking so wouldn't expect me to pay loads... and that I wouldn't be assuming that again...

Well done you....

Next time they will realise.

I don't think you were obligated to tell them at the start of the meal what you would be having....but perhaps when your friend started totting things up you should have said "I'm only paying for what I've had".

But NO BIGGIE at all....it's unreasonable for them to have expected you to supplement their indulgences. Why should you have paid 35 quid...when you only consumed 7.

I'm shocked at those who've said she's been unreasonable. Why on Earth should she pay more than 30 pounds when what she ordered costs less than ten? I'd definitely round it up to the nearest ten to cover tips etc...but I certainly wouldn't pay more than three times what I actually ordered cost! who would?! for the sake of not losing face? not looking mean? not inconveniencing the rest of the group by them having to pay a much fairer share of what they had? I'm by no means tight but I wouldn't be subsidising their meals that heavily to the point I'm seriously out of pocket!

The correct response from her friend in that case would be "oh sorry poopnscoop, I didn't notice you only had a started. Ok, could everyone put in another couple of quid for the tip."

Because in actual fact what they're saying is "We'll split the bill for our food and not bother to pay the tip. Because poopnscoop is paying it for us".

And I don't believe for one second that none of them noticed. Tightwads.

YANBU
It's embarrassing but if the choice is between paying for what you ordered and not going at all then good friends will understand. I was very torn about going to a friend's H's birthday recently, he and all his friends are pretty well off, my lovely friend told him at the beginning that she, our other two friends and me would each pay our share so as not to single me out :) I'm veggie, don't have starters and stick to one drink so that came in at around £15 including a generous tip. The others were looking at £35 a head more or less. That's just not possible for me.