to detest splitting the bill?

[poopnscoop]

I have never thought it a good idea, as there are those who have 3 courses and drink a lot, and there are those who eat much less, and don't drink at all. But I have always gone along with it, not to cause a rumpus, and feeling I might just be being petty.

I had surgery a couple of months ago, I can only eat very little. I eat a starter/bowl of soup only, if that. I battle to get through a half pint of beer/fruit juice.

Last night I was out with 6 pals, as usual at the end they assumed the £215 bill would be split. I could see my friend (the banker) tot everything up, obviously there was a shortfall.

She looks to me 'Poop, have you put in your share of the bill?'

'Yes', I reply, 'my starter and drink came to £7.80, I have put in £10. More than my fair share'.

Her face went red. I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.

It had to be done at last. I feel I have subsidised their drinks/meals long enough... but now that I am having even less than usual, enough is enough.

AIBU?

"And I'm not so sure that if you split the bill it will even out over time. Surely it's generally the same people drinking lots, or eating very little?"

EXACTLY!!

Also you can generally see the same people ordering the lobster (or whatever) just because they don't normally get to have it when they're out with their husband/wife... because they'd have to pay for it all! I think it's appalling to be honest.

YANBU

I've had it happen to me time and time again. I am not much or a drinker and don't want to have wine, etc with dinner, lunch. While all my friends and colleauges drink to their hearts content and then spilt the bill equally. I started refusing and tell them I only had water, juice.

On the flip side, on one day I had a main course, a dessert and a coffee and some of my colleauges hadn't had anything other than a main course. I offered to pay my full share as it isn't fair. They declined and said it was fine, but I still offered.

OP, YANBU - theres no way you should pay for things you didn't have.

Like other posters, its the other way around for me too - my share of the bill is usually on the higher side as I tend to have a few glasses of wine and at least two courses

However, I wouldn't dream of expecting others to split the cost of my meal. I'm usually the first to point out that so-and-so didn't have a dessert and wasn't drinking, so that person pays for what they've had, and the remainder of the bill is split between the rest of us who've had more or less the same. This way of doing things seems to work for us.

I don't think theres any need to loudly state at the start of the meal that you only intend to pay for what you've had. But when your friend received the bill you probably should have said then that your share was about a tenner so thats all you would be paying. The remainder of the bill could then have been shared out between everyone else before they got their wallets out.

Good on you though for being assertive and hopefully your friends will remember next time

I'm sorry, but when the order was placed, was this not saying it up front? Is there really any need to say anything else. We are all adults, does it need spelling out. YANBUAA!

i keep hearing these discussions here, and wonder at how inflexible some people are. either i've been in a 'pay your own' situation, or someone works out an average amount per person, and we trust each other to put in an appropriate figure, plus tip. you know if you've had loads or not, so people should just be honest, and put in above average or below, depending on what they've had.

if there's someone who has had significantly less than others, it's not expected that they put in the average amount, but just enough to cover theirs plus tip. Only ever had a problem at one very big night, where the waiters gave the wrong table the drinks bill, AFTER the heavy drinkers had moved on to the pub, not having noticed that their bill was short.

It is not petty to not want to split a bill, it is however a royal PITA to spring this information on a group who usually split the bill at the end of the meal when most people are going to be all jolly and a bit drunk.

This needs to be discussed either when the meal is being planned or at the very latest before ordering.

Not because it is going to make a difference to what I order, but because it is going to mean I keep track of exactly what I had so that when we get to the bill stage I can say, this this and this is mine and I will pay for a coupe of bottles.

I am not tight, I like spending money and shouting other people, what I don't like is fucking about with a bill when I am quite drunk and can't remember who had what and there is always a shortfall when you do it that way, then there is the fucking around about who is paying the tip. Ruins a good time IMO, the start is the time, not the end. Be clear.

Hinting and hoping people will get it is bullshit. I have the sensitivity of a brick, I am not gonna get it, you need to tell me what it is you want me to know.

At the start of the meal you say 'Morloth, I don't want to split bills, lets just pay for what we have', I say 'No worries, sounds good'.

At the end of the meal, you say the same thing and you get 'FFS, couldn't you have mentioned this at the start?' and I never go out for a meal with you again, because it is too bloody hard.

That's it in a nutshell Morloth.

Sassybeast 'But you are precious enough to post a thread about it'

Hence my thread in AIBU...

For everyone who says that thier friends are trying to rip them off by ordering extravagently on purpose knowing the bill will be split...either you are right, in which case they are not your friends, so get a grip and get some real mates.

or

they are just having a good time, ordering what they want and assuming you are doing the same ...

Morloth - they STILL split the meal btwn themselves after the meal... just having deducted £10 (my share) off the bill!!!

Not hard to do, they aren't idiots, they weren't drunk, no-one took any offence (unlike some of you here would at SUCH a social slight...). Was not a huge party bomb or a reason to not ever have a meal with me again! hahaha

'Her face went red. I honestly think none of them ever given any thought to what people are actually eating/drinking! They want to split the bill, non the less. Seems I have broken some secret social law.'

They sound like they were annoyed and took offence.

Look, just say at the start, why is that so hard? Problem solved.

I don't give any thought to what other people are eating and drinking, if I have had a lot of wine I will always offer to cover the booze, people are not trying to rip you off. They just don't want to deal with numbers any more than strictly necessary at the end of a nice meal.

Please read the whole thread Morloth. This has been answered. They were neither annoyed or took offence.

I don't think that it is a problem, but it is essential that you mention it at the start before you order.

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE AT ALL

I hate people who stuff their face/drink like a fish then expect you to pay for it

You will need to come here LeQueen I can't fly anywhere ever again after my last trek.

I know some fantastic restaurants here in Sydney though, we can all drink too much and make the husbands drive us home, fuck, lets make them pay as well.

poop, why couldn't you just say at the start of the meal that you were not very hungry, would not be eating much and would like to split your bit out from the main meal? Why?

Why wait for someone else to have to ask you? Why sit there while the worked out what the split was and then not put in the same share waiting for someone to say something? It is seriously weird behaviour.

Just say, don't hint, it is a PITA.

'awkwardness at the end of the meal, no secret resentment'

There was NONE of this.

'no feelings of achievement because at long last you have dared to bring it to everyone's attention that you feel you're often subbing other people's meals, no sense of moral oneupmanship...'

There was NONE of this.

Making assumptions of my character are quite nasty LeQueen

If your friends are doing that RunAwayWife then you need new friends.

YANBU to not want to pay.

You didn't handle it terribly well on the night, that's all. Your friend clearly did feel bad about having forgotten that you were not eating much.

Can I ask - apart from in the OP's case where there is a medical reason for her not eating very much - what exactly do you do, you people who "never have a starter"? Do you sit there with nothing while others eat? That doesn't sound very friendly. Generally if I go out (and this can be with different groups) someone will say "are we having starters" and we all agree to have starters or not have starters or have some stuff to share. It would seem strange to eat while others had nothing.

YANBU OP. There are plenty of people out there who are so busy ordering what they like and enjoying themselves that unfortunately they don't notice that you aren't eating much/aren't drinking/always order the cheaper veggie option. They're not nasty, just a tad thoughtless, as your banker friend's subsequent phone call shows.

I agree with lots of the posters here that it's best to drop it into the conversation early if possible. If you're a bit shy and can't face shouting out to the whole table, have a quiet word beforehand with the person doing the adding up at the end and explain how you feel. Then she can explain it to the rest of the group.

Splitting the bill's just easier, though I always try to take note if anyone is not drinking, or eating radically less than everyone else, so that that can be taken into account. I'm not a big fan of tight wads, though, who insist on adding up if they've basically eaten and drunk the same amount as everyone else.