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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask would you be disappointed if you didn't get a card/ present for motherday

259 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 28/03/2011 22:21

more of a discussion really.

over the school this seems like a hot topic, and some mums expect alot from there OH to deliver cards and presents.

as long as i get a card i really don't care

OP posts:

PlanetEarth · 29/03/2011 09:10

I'd be upset if I didn't get a card, not bothered about presents.

But what I'd really like (but never get!) is some consideration. It would be nice if someone (preferably the kids) offered to cook lunch, tidy up, or whatever else I normally do, instead of watching the telly/playing computer games while I resentfully cheefully do all the jobs or nag ask nicely for them to do it.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 29/03/2011 09:11

I wouldn't be uspet in the slightest if nobody remembered me on mother's day. As we have lived abroad for the whole of DDs life, it is generally on a different day to the UK anyway.
I will send my mum a card, she doesn't want or need anything and gets cross if we waste money on stuff (her words) when we could spend it on fags DD.

msbossy · 29/03/2011 09:16

I am expecting a card and perhaps flowers from DH as DD is only 2 (and given that I'm being induced on Saturday maybe even a baby!). I've bought cards and made gifts for DM and MIL. DH has thanked me at least twice for sorting out MIL so I have no issue helping him out.

I agree with poopnscoop's sentiment - it's about being grateful and taking time to acknowledge ALL mothers and the contribution they make. This is DH's opportunity to show his appreciation for the care I give his DD just as Father's day is a time I will show appreciation for his care for her.

leplan · 29/03/2011 09:16

I am quite specific about my low level demands on mother's day, which DH tends to get a bit wrong but he does make the effort.

I want him to take the children shopping to buy me a card or sit with them and make me a card. NOT (as usually happens) buy a couple of cards when he happens to be in paperchase.

I would like breakfast in bed but DO NOT want to have to wrestle the children in the bedroom for half an hour whilst DH faffs around in the kitchen.

I would like something a little bit naff as a gift, chosen by DSs. Mummy Mug, Picture Frame, random bit of tat. This is contrary to the rest of my everyday life but I think Mother's Day is for indulging these guilty pleasures .

memphis83 · 29/03/2011 09:19

i know he has bought me a charm for my bracelet, i would be happy with just a card that said mummy in it as for my 1st birthday as a mum he wrote my name in it instead of mummy!!!!

YouLittlePiggy · 29/03/2011 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cyclebump · 29/03/2011 09:24

I always go to the mothering Sunday service with my mum, as do my sisters. Mum never expects anything more (again, she sees the other bits as card company rubbish), but we generally take her for lunch or do something nice and we give her a few nice bits.

What I do like about the church service at her church is that flowers are given out to mums by their children and it's encouraged to not just give them to your 'real' mum, but to all the women who have been 'as mothers', including those who perhaps haven't got children but who have helped take care of you or have taken on a maternal role when you've needed it.

Then they give them to all the women in the church in acknowledgement that we may be in that position one day.

Everyone's included and I think that's nice. Sorry if that's a bit twee

Cyclebump · 29/03/2011 09:26

Oh and I'm due the day after mothers' day this year and would rather like a 'happy mother's day' said by someone even if baby hasn't arrived by the requisite day...

WidowWadman · 29/03/2011 09:43

No doubt I'll get something my daughter will make in the nursery. I don't expect anything from my husband, but then I'm not his mother.

He's brought me breakfast to the bed in the past, but he sometimes does it without any special occasion anyway, so I don't see the fuss.

(He's not getting anything for father's day from me either, same reasoning)

GooseyLoosey · 29/03/2011 09:48

No presents - except a bunch of daffs picked from the garden. Homemade cards from the kids. Coffee and toast in bed. Ahhhh!

Notion of expensive present/card bought from the shops is a bit lost on me to be honest. What would the point of that be?

SummerRain · 29/03/2011 09:53

My older two are in school so I'll get card made by them which is all I want really.

DP is going to have the day from hell on Saturday to accommodate me going to an OU tutorial (up at the crack of dawn to drop me to a town an hour away with all three kids in tow, then home, then a 40 minute drive to dd's swimming lesson where he'll have to hang around with two bored boys going wild, then home and then an hours drive to collect me in the evening and back again) so I wouldn't expect him to be thinking of mother's day on top of that!

I only expected dp to do something the years we had very young babies... a recognition of what i'd gone through giving birth and doing all night wakings with them. Now that they're older I'm not bothered.

confuddledDOTcom · 29/03/2011 10:00

I always (although this year may not be able to as I'll be due a baby or have one in which case we'll both be ill in hospital) go to the Baby Show and spend loads on Father's Day. Personalised jewellery, mousemats, photos of the girls, other things I see and get for him. He gets well over £100 out of me and the eldest is always excited because she chose the things for him and wants to give them to him. As far as I'm concerned they're babies, they don't even get pocket money let alone be able to go to the shop and choose something without me, so it's my responsibility to do it.

Mother's Day we get the "You're not my mum!" although his mum is lucky to get a bunch of flowers. My mum has been having words with him this year, last year she went out and bought a load of things for the girls to give me and got my daughter to write a card from her and her sister.

It's his weekend to be with his other children and I had to insist he only went for the day because a. I miss out on him being there and b. his XW isn't really going to want to share Mother's Day with him! Took several attempts, him agreeing then forgetting next time we discussed it!

His XW (used to, might have changed now she has a partner and children with him) buys her own cards and presents!

tallulah · 29/03/2011 10:48

When i was little I always made a really big deal of Mother's Day. Mum always got a card, and some flowers I'd bought myself, and usually a small present as well. Even as an adult i always made sure to post a card in time.

DH is another one who can't be bothered, and if pushed will turn up with a card he's obviously bought at the last minute, which says Mum or Mother and not mummy (DD is just 4). He also "forgets" his own mother.

The year before last not one of my kids bothered with mothers day and I was really upset. They were 23, 21, 19 and 17, so no excuse. I shamed them on FB . Hoping one of them can at least get me a card.

ScarlettCrossbones · 29/03/2011 10:59

Can't believe how demanding some of these answers are! Mother's Day may have ancient roots, but I find the expectation of getting things artificial, materialistic, and, well, just a bit attention-seeking really.

babyicebean · 29/03/2011 11:03

Is Mothers day the same as Vaentines day and birthdays then?

If so I shall get naff all as usual.

pinkytheshrinky · 29/03/2011 11:04

I must be honest I would be absolutely gutted if DH or the children didn't bother - I know it is silly but that is honestly how I feel - I always make sure that everyone else birthdays and Father's Day and all that. I think all these daft celebration days are obviously daft and an exercise in marketing etc for card companies - I personally think it is very nice to have an excuse to spoil someone.

A card from the DCs - made by them and some flowers are enough and last year I managed to get a breakfast in bed which was just lovely.

exhausted2011 · 29/03/2011 11:28

yes i would be.
not from the children, from DH
once again he is away
don't want a big fuss, don't need to go out for lunch
just a card and a lie-in

FaultyGoods · 29/03/2011 11:30

I'd be disappointed if I didn't get a card from my DC. They usually make me breakfast in bed. I'm happy with that.

working9while5 · 29/03/2011 11:39

With all "occasions" in our house, we discuss expectations beforehand.

We've been together nearly 13 years. About a week to a fortnight before our anniversary, we discuss whether or not it will be a "deal" this year. Sometimes we're skint/not bothered, other years we might go for a meal, for our tenth anniversary we went to Canada!

I have told dh that this year I want to be made a fuss of as it's also my birthday this week. I also agree that it's a good habit to get kids into - we are very lax about things like birthdays etc in our own house but there are many people in the world who take these things Very Seriously Indeed and I feel it is important to prepare them to take part in all of that for the future!

I like organising more than receiving - but yes, this year I want a bit of pampering.

MorticiaAddams · 29/03/2011 11:41

Not so much for me but the kids have always got excited about having a present to wrap up and give and bringing breakfast in bed with some flowers from the garden.

That seems to be enough effort for them and it all goes back to normal after that.

lilyliz · 29/03/2011 11:42

my DH always said I am not your son,I know DS cares about me but on the cards and flowers front he is hopeless so if I get something Iam suprised

Rootle · 29/03/2011 11:52

I would love to have some acknowledgment that I'm a mummy as this is the first year. DS is only 8 weeks old, but after struggling to get pregnant & having a horrible traumatic birth I'd like my OH to recognise what I've been through & my new role just as I will do for him on Fathers day. Not looking for him to spend lots of money would just like to be made to feel special. Do not have high hopes however, he's pretty useless when it comes to his own mum.

Quenelle · 29/03/2011 12:02

I wouldn't be disappointed, no. Getting a shop-bought card from my husband isn't really what it's about for me.

I would be disappointed if he didn't help DS make something for me when he's old enough though.

My friend got an iphone for Mother's Day last year, from her 4 year old daughter. Totally unnecessary IMO. But I think it's her husband's lack of imagination that's to blame. He doesn't attach any value to children's homemade cards, although I think my friend would have loved it.

Sweetpea215 · 29/03/2011 12:05

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest...

It's all sooo commercial.

I've also told hubs NOT to get me flowers on valentines day (as they are UBER expensive then...and a bit of a rip off) but to buy me a bunch another day in the year if he wants to (he does).

candleshoe · 29/03/2011 12:07

Home made cards and possibly flowers and brekkie in bed.

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