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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 22/03/2011 09:14

No it is not the norm.

Bloody cheek!

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:18

I was surprised,I must say! They're so expensive too. But I didn't have the big white wedding so not really sure about how it usually works with bridesmaids.

I can - just about - afford it, but it's the principle as well as the money. But then is it ever worth falling out with a dear friend over money??

OP posts:
Desperateforthinnerthighs · 22/03/2011 09:20

Erm no - it's bloody ridiculous!! YANBU!

AxisofEvil · 22/03/2011 09:20

In your position I'd tell her that you'd be happy to buy your own shoes but that you can't afford these and so will go out and source your own.

vj32 · 22/03/2011 09:27

My bridesmaids bought their own shoes as it was easier that way. They could get anything they wanted that was a certain colour though.

scurryfunge · 22/03/2011 09:28

I would look for a pair that is more reasonably priced and wear them.

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:29

I've told her that I have some (much cheaper) ones already that are pretty much the same as her choice (both nude patent courts but mine are New Look!). She said no as I have to have them the same as the other bridesmaid and to match the belt she has chosen.

And the other bridesmaid has offered to pay which makes me look awful!

OP posts:
canyou · 22/03/2011 09:29

£150 Shock
Twice I was a bridesmaid, once the bride picked the shoes and paid and we wore them [mine went back into the box after the meal and have never been taken out since, The other time the bridesmaids paid and we were told silver sandals with a bit of bling and left choose our own I thought that was normal
But £150 for a pair of shoes is unreasonable, can you link them maybe we could help with a cheaper option says she with 120 pairs of shoes and asize 4--

scurryfunge · 22/03/2011 09:30

I would be backing down as bridesmaid then. She sounds nutty.

NinkyNonker · 22/03/2011 09:30

Just say no. If she wants you to pay, you choose. Unless the pair she has chosen will be useful. Just say you can't afford the full amount, perhaps offer her a token.

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:31

vj32, I would have been willing to pay if they were a pair of my choice but this feels different. They're fine but not really what I would buy myself and certainly not for £150.

OP posts:
vj32 · 22/03/2011 09:31

I would tell the bride if she wants specific shoes she has to pay for them - otherwise you will wear some of your own that fit the theme/colour.

rebl · 22/03/2011 09:34

I've been bridesmaid twice. 1st time the bride dictated what shoes I had and she paid. The 2nd time the bride just said what colour she would prefer but that was it and I just bought them as I could choose and got a nice pair that could and did wear alot afterwards.

brass · 22/03/2011 09:38

But a 'dear' friend wouldn't pressure you to pay for shoes you wouldn't normally buy and are unlikely to wear again.

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:45

I've said that I didn't really want to pay for them and she went quiet and said she'd think about what to do. I have a feeling that she'll suggest paying half each. Do you think I should agree?

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 22/03/2011 09:46

why can't you just wear your own shoes? What colour/style are these shoes she wants?

ZZZenAgain · 22/03/2011 09:48

I'd pay half if they were shoes I'd wear elsewhere, otherwise I don't see the point in it. If they are turquoise satin or something that goes with the dress but you will never wear them anywhere again afterwards, I find it odd to expect you to pay for them.

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:48

Incidentally, the belt which she has picked is £50 and she has said she will pay as long as she can keep it after the big day! But she can't keep my shoes as we're different sizes.

OP posts:
compo · 22/03/2011 09:49

No I don't think you should agree
tell her no one will be looking at your shoes, they'll be looking at her

GooseyLoosey · 22/03/2011 09:49

Either you get to choose your own shoes (within her guidelines) or she pays. Simples!

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:50

They are nice shoes - nude patent courts from LK Bennett - but I have some cheaper ones already which are almost the same. Plus I'm a SAHM so don't get much need for nude patent heels...

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 22/03/2011 09:50

It's still £75 even at half.

Removing the principle, can you afford it comfortably?

fedupofnamechanging · 22/03/2011 09:51

If she suggests paying half each, then I think I would agree in order to keep the peace. I guess it depends on whether you want to keep the friendship. However, I think that if she wants complete choice, then she should pay the whole cost really.

YADefNBU. I really hate how people think their weddings are at the centre of everyone else's universe and we should all be happy to fork out extortionate amounts of money for stuff they want.

ZZZenAgain · 22/03/2011 09:51

if you have some that already that are almost the same then I would wear those.

FollowMe · 22/03/2011 09:52

My bridesmaids paid for their own shoes but they chose them themselves and had free reign on what to choose as long as they were the right colour.
I think thats fair.

I'd say not to pay anything if I were in your shoes (excuse the pun!) as you already have some that are near enough identical and wouldnt wear the new ones again so pointless buying them imo

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