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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 22/03/2011 12:54

Next have almost the same as the lk bennett for about 40 quid.

JaneS · 22/03/2011 12:55

They are very similar. She's being a twit.

If she is so keen for them to match, she should buy you and the other bridesmaid the New Look ones and return the other bridesmaid's LK Bennett ones. But honestly, no-one will notice.

talleyrand · 22/03/2011 12:55
  • tell her you will buy the ones she wants
  • then wear your own.
She won't notice.
JulesJules · 22/03/2011 12:58

Yours are virtually identical!

No-one will notice!

She has lost it, I'm afraid. Please don't give in!

MintyMoo · 22/03/2011 12:59

YANBU the shoes are so similar it's not worth anyone paying £145!!! for an almost identical pair.

This has reminded me that when I get married I'm just going to ask each maid to wear whichever dress of hers she deems the nicest, have her hair however she wants and to wear whatever damned shoes she likes. And to hell with the photos Wink

There is no way I would buy the shoes if I were you OP, for starters I can't wear shoes like that as I'm severely dyspraxic and need straps else I fall over, also same issue with the heels and have a bad rheumatic condition which makes wearing shoes like that very painful on my joints and muscles. Plus a skin condition makes my feet blister like mad (16 across both feet at one time is my record, all on the soles) so you wouldn't see me dead in tiny shoes (also have massive size 7 feet with a J width).

Plus £145 for plain shoes is obscene, they're not even sparkly or a weird colour which exactly matches the shade of the dress. They're plain, cream shoes Confused - why would anyone pay that much for a pair of plain shoes! Shock

elphabadefiesgravity · 22/03/2011 13:01

How much!!!!!!!

Totally YANBU.

NinkyNonker · 22/03/2011 13:02

I was about to say the same as Minty, they're basic! Lovely, but so easily copy-able why buy the expensive version for one day?!

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 13:03

I know, MintyMoo!

I mean, I have been known to spend extortionate amounts of things that I have fallen in LOVE with and have then consequently worn to death, probably 200 plus times. But that's when it's something I have chosen and really feels worth it to me. These just don't seem worth it... although I guess they do to her...

I know I'm right but do want to make her happy on her wedding day, after all. I still think a pay half each might feel like a good compromise.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 22/03/2011 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anonacfr · 22/03/2011 13:05

The other bridesmaid probably bought the shoes and belt cos she was bullied into it.
Since when do friends/bridesmaids have to start paying for everything?

You buy the couple a wedding gift and usually have to pay for hotel/accommodation. Surely that should be enough?
I eloped anyway but the thought of not only spending all that money (even if I could afford it) but insisting that my friends do the same makes me ill.

scotsgirl23 · 22/03/2011 13:08

They're very dull for that amount of money! I have a shoe fetish at the best of times and probably have a couple of pairs that cost close to that but they are special or unusual ones. Nude patent can be done so much cheaper!

I paid £200 for my own wedding shoes but they were fabulous, covered in diamantes and really unusual.

I think you should dig your heels in (pardon the pun) as yours are virtually identical. What need could you possible have for 2 identical pairs of shoes

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 13:09

The other bridesmaid is paying for her belt and gets to keep it. She is sister of the groom and said she's OK with paying.

DandyLioness, I like the sound of you! No brideszilla-ness there!

OP posts:
Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 13:10

Yes, scotsgirl, I agree. I will spend on stuff that feels really special or really makes an outift. These are just nice basics.

And my New Look ones really are nice!

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 22/03/2011 13:12

I actually like the new look ones better - I think the slight platform is nicer and makes them look a bit more modern. I think the LK ones are slightly frumpy (sorry!)

but then you did say she's making you wear green.......

crapbarry · 22/03/2011 13:17

tell her you'll buy them as a wedding present for her :o

I gave my bridesmaid £150 and told her to get a blue dress and some shoes that didn't clash with it. Ended up with a dress I liked (and it was in the sale), and she didn't hate, and some shoes she adores and I'm a bit meh about. She had some cash left over for a nice bra too :o my wedding, my costs, I feel.

Figgyrolls · 22/03/2011 13:20

OH GOOD LORD, your friend is a pillock, why doesn't the other bridesmaid buy the new look ones?

I appreciate you not wanting to upset her but although the day is ALL about bridezilla there, you buying these shoes will make you resentful and I expect your relationship will fail in the long run. Future SIL is probably just keeping the future political piece Grin

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 13:21

I agree scotsgirl! I'm only early 30s and they're a bit too 'classic' for me yet...

And you're another lovely sounding bride, crapbarry. I would have LOVED her to trust me like you trusted your bridesmaid. Bet she was really happy about being the bridesmaid too, rather than feeling self-conscious in a dress she didn't really like!

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 22/03/2011 13:21

If the other BM likes the shoes and belt and can afford them (will wear them again etc) then great. Doesn't mean you have to. If she is young or poor the groom's family might be helping.

See what she comes back with.

donkeybotherer · 22/03/2011 13:22

The perfectly correct response is "Is £150 is more than I can afford", yes, do let her "think about it". Good grief.

seriouslycantbebothered · 22/03/2011 13:25

the shoes are practically the same she is being a silly cow . sorry but she is .

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/03/2011 13:29

The idea of making women in their early thirties wear matching dresses and shoes is just so weird anyway, I had a fab wedding, but in no way felt the need to specify anything anyone else wore!

MaryThornbar · 22/03/2011 13:29

You shouldn't be the one feeling bad - she should feel bad for putting you in a position of having to pay such a lot of money!

I would feel terrible asking anyone to pay out such a lot of money for my wedding, whether I thought they could 'afford' it or not!

She is totally out of order, and you should be the one who is a bit Hmm not her.

She needs to take a long hard look at herself. She is trying to save herself money at your expense.

Do not offer to pay half and wear the New Look ones if she will not pay - they're nice! Why would you want two pairs of almost identical shoes??

notquitenormal · 22/03/2011 13:47

My Bridesmaids bought their own shoes...but they did choose them. I didn't even specify a colour...I trusted they'd pick something that went with their dress.

They couldn't have had the same anyway...we had a very narrow size 4, a size 9 and an extra wide size 5.

She chooses, she pays.
You choose, you pay.

EldritchCleavage · 22/03/2011 14:49

I agree the other bridesmaid is probably keeping the peace because she is the SIL. Don't let yourself get pressured into anything on the basis she has done it-the poor SIL probably caved in because she was told you were doing it...

pigletmania · 22/03/2011 15:02

Sounds like a cause of severe bridezillaness to me. I would be embarrassed to ask for my bridesmaids to contribute towards their clothes. I have chosen them to be bridesmaids so I should be paying, and if she wants specific items that she wont compramise on than she should definitely be paying, what a cheek!