to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

[blue2711]

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OK lets not panic about something that hasn';t happened yet. Just because shes been silly over the shoes doesn't mean she's going to be over the hair.

Just do your hair as you usually do (same with make up), if she's not happy with it that is her choice and up to her to do something about it.

Remember this is your friend, you like her and she likes you, she been bridezillaish over the shoes and belt but button up about the hair (not the shoes, def stand your ground there!) and in years to come you can have a good laugh about it.

Imagine what she'll be like with her PFB!

It seems that if she hasn't mentioned anything about your hair, you should leave it and style it the way you would if you were going to a party or something.
If she has issues she'll let you know before the wedding day and you can take it from there.

I would let her know you aren't very good at putting hair up, and that you plan on styling it your usual way - that way, if she wants something different, she can plan accordingly and book (and pay for) the hairdresser to do your hair on the day.

I paid for my BMs' whole outfits including shoes & jewellery, and also for their hair to be done, as I wanted them to look the same & 'finished'!

I have a current bridezilla friend - she is already a control freak but this is bringing out the worst in her.

Wedding is abroad, she has arranged eveyone's apartments and told who is sharing with who - really!

Has sent at least seven email updates with further planned acitivities - she has now planned 'optional' activities for four of the seven days we are there.

Best by far though - in an email:-

'It is likely to be hot on the day of the wedding so we suggest that male guest wear cream linen and females wear maxi dresses.'

I kid you not!

'It is likely to be hot on the day of the wedding so we suggest that male guest wear cream linen and females wear maxi dresses.'

Shit!?!!!!!

Oh, dear, overcooked. Is she at least nice about the suggestions, and when someone doesn't take her advice?

My best friend is a bit of an over-planner, but is good at receiving refusals/ "deviations" from her advice/techniques quite graciously. Much better than she used to be, in fact, which shows that she is open-minded, and that makes the best kind of friend! I know it stresses her slightly, so I try to be diplomatic about my "deviations", or just matter-of-fact in cases when my method is demonstrably superior! (I don't say it's not superior; I just concentrate on having got it done, not on why I didn't do it her way)

I think your friend sounds a little unreasonable, but I do think that you are looking for problems now. If you have seen her since the shoe buying I would assume she has bought them and not mention it again. Hair is down to you unless she specifies otherwise.

I know she has been a pain over the shoes (I was the most laidback bride possible so is alien to me) but apart from that, is she a good friend? If so forgive her madness a little and stop trying to find things to be put out about. I would imagine she'd be upset to read this and see a load of people taking the mick out of her dresses etc.

'we suggest that male guest wear cream linen and females wear maxi dresses.'

Huh! No way my husband would wear cream linen. Ever.

Mine wore a beige summer suit to a German wedding, at which all the Northern European men turned up in dark colours. It was funny how very visual the cultural divide was!

unless you are stick thin,maxi dress's make you look fat - or do to me lol

no way my dh would wear white linen, let alone to someone else's wedding

nutty friend

I haven't read the whole thread but no, YANBU. I asked my 4 bridesmaids to buy their own shoes, but only asked them to get silver ones, otherwise they could get whatever style they wanted. They all got the same strappy sandals from New Look, £20 each, job done. I had paid for their dresses myself, £150 each, and would never have expected them to pay for those.

Think yourself lucky. My DD is being a BM for my friend and I've had to pay for her dress AND her shoes!

i really dont get this

if you as a bride ask someone (a friend, friends dd etc) to become a bm, then the bride pays for the stuff

as if you were not asked to be a bm, then you wouldnt be wearing any of the stuff

ninkynonker talks sense
it sounds like she has bought the shoes, so hopefully no need to mention paying for them (just don't offer)
hand over the belt
do your own hair (& make up.) i am sure on the day whoever does hers can give it the once over if required, and if not then she is trusting you to do it how you normally do.

Thanks ninkynonker and dandylioness. You're right; it's time to let it go now. She is a lovely friend who has just got a bit carried away with her big day and why not? She deserves a lovely day and I've just been venting. And yes, she would be gutted to see this and I now feel guilty!

Getting it all out has made me feel much less riled though. I'm just going to concentrate on being a good bridesmaid and enjoying the day now!

Thanks!

What a fairytale wedding ending... sniff... sniff.... so looovely.... sniff...