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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
ZombiePlan · 22/03/2011 15:53

Why not tell her you'll pay for the belt (and keep it Grin) and let her choose whether to buy the shoes from LKB or let you wear your own NK ones - seems like a reasonable compromise - she doesn't have to pay for everything, but you don't end up paying for stuff you neither want nor need

Figgyrolls · 22/03/2011 15:59

Ooh good plan Zombie - was going to suggest that too!

scruffybird · 22/03/2011 15:59

Leave it really late to buy them then say they didn't have your size left and its a good job you have some that look nearly the same to wearWink

MrsH75 · 22/03/2011 16:08

I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids which they chose (they cost more than my wedding dress- but my wedding dress was only £100 in total) and let them sort out the shoe/jewellery/accessories arrangements themselves.

I think it's unreasonable to say "You must wear these shoes - and pay for them"!

MaterTheGreater · 22/03/2011 16:11

Really sorry, bit rude but I've not read the whole thread, but I just wanted to tell you the story about what one of my bridesmaids (well, her and her mum) did.

I wanted them all to have the same shoes, but was obviously going to be paying for them.

Anyway one day I got a text to say that they were going shopping to get the bridesmaids shoes.

I was a bit Angry, because obviously I wanted to choose them, and also my sister has a problem with her feet that meant that she needed to have a certain type of shoes.

Anyway, I had so many other things going on at the time that I just thought "pick your battles", and let them go ahead. My only stipulation was that they were a peep toe closed back shoe in cream.

Anyway, they turned up at the house the next week with a pair of diamante studded strappy sandals, and asked for the money for them Shock.

I said that as they were not the same as the other shoes, I would need to get them dyed so that they all matched. This did not go down too well as apparently she wanted to wear them again to her school prom.

So basically they were just wanting me to pay for her fucking prom shoes!

I was fuming. And this was my husband's sister and daughter. I'm not one to hold a grudge but I've never forgotten about that.

Bumperlicioso · 22/03/2011 16:22

DO NOT PAY FOR THE SODDING SHOES! Seriously, £150 on shoes that she is choosing for her wedding is fucking ridiculous.

The woman needs to take her head out of her arse. Is she a really good friend?

Bumperlicioso · 22/03/2011 16:25

Surely most brides think people are going to be more interested in looking at them than their bridesmaid's feet? She must look shit in her dress Grin

Really, who the hell is going to notice? I'm completely fuming on your behalf at this!

MaterTheGreater · 22/03/2011 16:26

Sorry forgot to also address your question!

I don't think you should pay for the shoes - just say that you can't afford it - end of discussion.

If the other bridesmaid ends up paying then hopefully it will shock your friend into seeing how unreasonable she is being.

spidookly · 22/03/2011 16:31

Do NOT pay.

I bought my bridesmaid's dress and shoes and she picked both.

And they were gorgeous and not at all bridesmaidy. AND I know she's worn them again.

You're doing her the favour here.

springbokdoc · 22/03/2011 16:34

Those are practically the same shoes! But I do love them - oh to be able to wear heels like that Envy

Just tell her that you cannot afford that kind of money. Has she actually seen your nl ones? She might just think that they can't possibly be the same and went for a knee jerk no. Perhaps if she actually saw it she'd realise that no-one on earth could tell the difference.

Oh for my wedding I couldn't afford to pay for BMs' dresses/shoes Blush so asked them if they would mind getting their own in whatever style they liked as long as it was blue. They very gracefully agreed and co-ordinated amongst themselves. I really appreciated it :)

Hulababy · 22/03/2011 16:35

Only been a bridesmaid once as an adult and I bought my own shoes. But I also got to chose them and was able to chose reasonably priced ones, ones that fit me well and ones I would wear again.

I did pay for DD's bridesmaid dress and shoes last year when my sister got married. But again, we chose them (just had a colour scheme to follow) and we agreed to this upfront.

springbokdoc · 22/03/2011 16:36

I didn't notice the price of the new look one. Hmm might have to see if I could look like a baby giraffe wear them.

dancingmummy · 22/03/2011 16:42

Hmm, i asked my bridesmaids to buy their own shoes.... the shoes in question were £10 from Primark! And I still felt slightly tight!!
£150 is a silly amount.

plopplopquack · 22/03/2011 16:48

A belt is part of the dress (IMO) so she should pay for that. The shoes appears to be a grey area but it is so unreasonable to expect you to pay that much! I wouldn't pay that much for one item in a million years.

What are you going to do?

spidookly · 22/03/2011 16:50

There is no grey area here.

If you are requiring a person to wear something of your choosing, for your event, then you must supply it.

The only way she gets you to pay for your own shoes is if you wear shoes you already own.

oldwomaninashoe · 22/03/2011 16:55

Are the dresses short or long will the shoes be that much on display?
Will the guests say "OMG the bridesmaids shoes do not match"

ChristinedePizan · 22/03/2011 17:21

I can guarantee that no one will even notice the bridesmaids' shoes

ZZZenAgain · 22/03/2011 19:03

unless they are dancing on the tables, no one is going to notice whether the bridesmaids are wearing the same shoes

You don't need two pairs of shoes that are beige patent leather high heeled court shoes. For what?

lurkerspeaks · 22/03/2011 19:09

Same as many others:
I've either been given shoes to wear that the bride paid for

OR
been told to wear shoes of a certain colour. I've then either worn a pair of existing shoes or bought new ones.

Your friend is crazy if she expects you to spend serious shoe money on bridesmaid shoes (esp in nude patent leather...)

NoobyHoHoHo · 22/03/2011 19:12

Has she actually seen the shoes you already have? Does she know how similar they are? Perhaps if you show her what you have shown us, she'll see how unreasonable her request is.

IloveJudgeJudy · 22/03/2011 22:06

When I've been a bridesmaid I've/my parents have bought the shoes, but we got to choose them and they were always shoes that we could wear afterwards.

I had two small and one large bridesmaid. I think I just looked through the shoes they already had and said that those would do.

Inertia · 22/03/2011 22:48

Tell her you have the shoe issue under control and will be wearing nude court shoes as required.

She will never notice what shoes you wearing on the day, neither will anybody else. I can't believe you are seriously considering offering to go halves on the shoes when you have some almost identical ones!

manticlimactic · 22/03/2011 23:03

My friend is getting married in July. She has bought my dress, shoes. My daughters dress and shoes too. She wouldn't hear of anything else. And I'm on the top table because I have helped her a lot going here and there with her sorting stuff and generally being there for her when she wants to vent.

You know what. I'm not even a bridesmaid!! Shock

No friend, sorry that should be no true friend, should expect you to pay for a pair of £150 shoes when you have a similar pair.

BTW my friend has paid for all of her bridesmaids whole outfit.

elphabadefiesgravity · 22/03/2011 23:38

When I got married I insisted my bridesmaids wore ivory sating shoes from a dancewear shop and the little bridesmaid wore satin ballet shoes.

So I paid

ZillionChocolate · 23/03/2011 00:07

I bloody hope my wedding guests were looking at my bridesmaid's shoes

juicy.mashkulture.net/english/2009/11/02/vivienne-westwood-melissa-lady-dragon-2010-spring/

they were the shoes I'd wear if I didn't have dodgy legs. We chose them together, or perhaps she accepted my choice, but I paid for them and she kept them.

Your friend is being completely unreasonable. I probably could not wear any shoes chosen by someone else - maybe 1 in 25 pairs fit me. Last time I was a bridesmaid I chose the shoes for all of the bridesmaids, but we just had rainbow club shoes dyed to match.