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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my bridesmaid shoes?

268 replies

blue2711 · 22/03/2011 09:13

Title says it all really. I am being bridesmaid for my friend and she has chosen a pair of very expensive shoes (which I don't need or particularly want myself) and she would like me to pay for them. Is this the norm? They are £150 by the way!

OP posts:
JaneS · 22/03/2011 12:27
Shock

Point out to her it's traditional for the bridesmaids dresses and shoes to be bought for them.

Cheeky mare!

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:28

So glad everyone agrees! I had been thinking the word 'bridezilla' myself.... I have already 'cheerfully' gone along with the green satin dress (why do all previously stylish brides pick a terrible dress for the bridesmaids and then say with a straight face "and you'll be able to wear it again!"???) but the shoes feel a step too far.

In fact the only nice bit is the belt - nude patent from LK Bennett too - but I'm not allowed to keep that!!

Thanks for all your suggestions. Ihave already offered to wear the ones I own already, which are actually really nice, but she said no immediately. The one other bridesmaid has agreed to pay for the belt and shoes herself! Which made me wonder whether I was being unreasonable, hence me posting on here...

By the way, can't do links very well but am going to have a go so you can see the famous belt and shoes...

OP posts:
JaneS · 22/03/2011 12:31

Please do the link! Grin

Seriously, show her the thread ... she's lost perspective.

My bridesmaids wore dresses they chose themselves (I paid for one and the other she'd bought already), and everyone commented on how gorgeous they looked. I think it's, frankly, extremely rude to say to adult women who're supposed to be your friends that you don't trust their taste enough to let them dress themselves.

PepsiPopcorn · 22/03/2011 12:32

I was asked to pay for bridesmaid shoes, and I assumed this was normal and paid without a thought. They weren't something I could wear again. However it was an honour to be a bridesmaid and I didn't mind at all.

OP posts:
electra · 22/03/2011 12:34

Why is it that weddings turn people who are usually quite reasonably behaved into the most spoiled brats on the planet??

YANBU

AKMD · 22/03/2011 12:34

They are nice. I still wouldn't pay for them.

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:35

Oh, Pepsi, you're clearly much nicer than me. I think if I actually had a salary of my own it might have been an easier call, but I'm dependent on my DH at the minute and he's not exactly up for forking out for the shoes when he thinks the ones I've got are fine.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 22/03/2011 12:36

I like the shoes, but have seen equally nice ones for a lot less money.

The belt is okay, nothing special for £55, but I can see why they would need to be the same for both bridesmaids.

AlmaMartyr · 22/03/2011 12:36

YANBU! My bridesmaids bought their own shoes but I told them they could choose whatever they wanted. I think one of them wore a pair she already had. My mum made (and paid for) their dresses, and I asked them each to pick out some jewellery then bought it for them as a thank you gift. They both looked fab and individual (despite the same dress).

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:37

I know, they ARE nice, but I still don't really want or need them. I think I'm missing the wedding gene too, which doesn't help. DH and I got married in NY on our own and I wore black!

OP posts:
PepsiPopcorn · 22/03/2011 12:39

Blue, I'm sure I'm not nicer than you, I was a student (with no money) at the time and it just didn't occur to me to say no. I'm older and grumpier now :o

JaneS · 22/03/2011 12:42

Blue, we really need to see the New Look ones for contrast...

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:44

That makes me feel better pepsi, I know just what you mean. Ten years ago I'd have said nothing and just stumped up, but now I'm less obliging.

The really difficult thing is is that we can afford to pay and I think my friend probably thinks we're loaded (we're not)and it is nothing to us (it isn't). However, I feel like if I say no, then I'm going to feel terrible everytime I see her and I'm wearing something new!

OP posts:
ItsMeYourCathy · 22/03/2011 12:46

I did not make my bridesmaids pay for their shoes. I took them shopping and let them choose a pair (when we found some the right colour). I think that if you have asked someone to be your bridesmaid, they shouldn't be EXPECTED to pay for anything that is required for this role. I think its rude.

Why not try, "Those are lovely but I'm afriad £150 is a lot more than I can afford" and see what she says...

AKMD · 22/03/2011 12:47

Just say no. If she makes a fuss, show her this thread.

If you do that I'll do that to my bridezilla :o

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:48

www.newlook.com/shop/womens/shoes/patent-court-shoes_217892414 The New Look ones!

Mine are like these but no strap.

What do you think??

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 22/03/2011 12:48

or just buy them and then spend very little on her gift....

MmeLindt · 22/03/2011 12:50

I like both belt and shoes, but would not be paying for them myself.

YANBU. I have been bridesmaid several times the bride always chose either inexpensive shoes, or we bought our own satin shoes and had them dyed.

JulesJules · 22/03/2011 12:50

But you would never buy something new for yourself costing £150 that you would only wear once, would you?

This is something that she is insisting that you wear.

Just say no Grin

Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:50

ItsMe (great name) - I already said that to her and she said I couldn't wear the ones already and that she would "have a think" about what to do. She did not sound happy. So now I'm feeling awful and wondering whether to just cave in and offer to pay.

Although you've all made me feel as if I do at least have the moral high ground!

OP posts:
Original poster
blue2711 · 22/03/2011 12:51

I mean -the ones I have already.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 22/03/2011 12:51

Oh, for goodness sake. They are so incredibly similar, aside from the slight platform.

She is daft.

exhausted2011 · 22/03/2011 12:52

that's just bloody ridiculous.
of course you should be able to wear yours, who the hell is going to notice
I'm annoyed for you now

MmeLindt · 22/03/2011 12:52

yy to ItsMeYourCathy's suggestion:

Why not try, "Those are lovely but I'm afriad £150 is a lot more than I can afford" and see what she says...

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