to want to start a relationship with my friends Ex Husband

[PandaLove]

I am new to the site having being introduced to by my cousin who is on MN.

I met my friend through another friend and we have known each other for about 13 months. I knew she was divorced but I had never met her ex husband until recently. He came to his DD's birthday party at my friends house and we had a normal conversation.

I bumped into him in London whilst we were both there for work and ended up having lunch. We exchanged phone numbers and have been to dinner twice. There hasn't been anything physical between us mainly because I am feeling guilty about our liasons. I am sure though that I like him and I think he does too.

Deep down, I know I am being unreasonable but I can't ignore the fact that he might be the man for me? Do I ask my friend for permission? Do I let him go?

As far as I know, their relationship broke down because 'they had grown apart'. My friend has 2 DDs with him (age 7 & 9) and I have a 5yo DS.

Thank you.

Isn't it amazing how there can be so many different opinions and interpretations about one incident. Seems quite a lot of over identification by some posters. No wonder there are wars in the world.

Panda, good luck hope it works out.

Op you have done nothing wrong I wish you both the best of luck.

Well Panda, that is some progress. Good luck!

I rest my case - Some people on here really DO have "Ishoo's

Me thinks that Spidookly has recognised the OP and is probably one of the 'friend'

Spidookly haven't read all your posts, so apologies but has something similar happened to you, this thread really seems to have wound you up somewhat.

Sort of x posts with OliPolly. .

That's great news Panda - clearly she's been on a bit of a rollercoaster processing all of this: Oh that's fine, NO it's not fine you fucking bitch, Oi you lots check out what this fucking bitch is doing, Oh dear I think I may have overreacted a bit, Actually it is a little bit weird but at the end of the day not too bad. Soon she might even realise that it's "better the 'devil' you know" and having a good sort involved with her kids Dad is much better than some random unknown entity. Bet you will soon be back on great terms and will all move on from this sorry episode really well. I'm glad she has apologised to you and you've both cleared the air/were able to talk properly.

Oh & of course the relationship is still so early days! Best of luck with it.

I'm not wound up in the least.

The people who seem wound up to me are the people who are insisting that it's not "playground" to snog the boy you fancy no matter how much it hurts someone you call a friend.

"having a good sort involved with her kids Dad is much better than some random unknown entity"

I doubt she thinks of the OP as a "good sort" anymore, given recent events.

That had crossed my mind too Fimbo & OliPolly

YANBU. You did not steal your friends husband.

She will not give you permission, so I would see how things progress with this man, before telling her.

Spidookly you are convincing me more and more that you are actually the "friend".

I really don't see what the problem is the relationship was over three years ago. The ex the OP's friend still clearly harbours feelings for her ex, and that is not the OP's fault.

She should move on, we all have to move on after a relationship breakdown, and shouldn't force our hangups onto others. If these things happen they happen.

My Ex slept with my friend under my roof when he came down to visit his children. You didn't hear me moaning why would you they both adults, they both have lives.

Just read some more of this thread. Well done Panda. You are not the other woman, and I think how you have acted is fine.

It is completely different, but I had a friend date an ex-boyfriend once. I was head over heels in love with this boyfriend, and it took me a very long time to get over him.

Ten years on, if I am honest with myself, I have still not forgiven friend for dating ex, but I keep this to myself, and we get on, but I'm always slightly wary of her.

glad to hear this development Panda, hope you can now all relax and get to know each other better.

Panda,

Bet you'll think twice about posting on here again, I know I would in your situation.....

Going back to the beginning of the thread the reaction you were getting was....'don't tell her yet, see if anything comes of it first' within a page or two, you were in the wrong for not telling her quick enough....!! seems you can't win !

You did what you thought was best & FWIW if one of my friends dated my EXH i'd be happy for them both...I have a good EXH & good friends too...why would I not wish them anything but happiness ( after I'd got over the wierdness that is

Well, what's clear here is that despite the fact that the dv was 3 years ago, and they had both had relationships since that sounded quite serious, the 'friend' still had feelings for him.

It may have been this situation that brought it home to her. For her to say she is 'losing him' (even though this was all that time ago, wasn't it?!) shows that there was still stuff there. That is not Panda's fault.

Sounds like it could turn out in the wash. Well done for keeping your cool, Panda.

However, I reiterate, find other friends!!!!