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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think women CAN have casual sex?

217 replies

GastonTheLadybird · 15/03/2011 13:10

I have read a few things recently that have said that women and men are essentially wired differently and that women will always feel rejected, cheap and used after casual encounters.

I think this is just as bad as saying that casual sex is empowering etc. For some people it will be, and some people will feel rejected but equally some women can just enjoy casual sex without it being any more or less than that.

Or AIBU and we are 'wired' differently?

OP posts:
Mrswhiskerson · 16/03/2011 00:33

seejanekick I am married and I do not believe love and sex always belong together in fact I think amazing sex comes from great chemistry , Do most couples not have the best sex when they first get together before they fall In love when it's all new and exciting ?before I got married I had a few casual encounters and enjoyed them very much and the ones I did not enjoy helped me learn what I wanted from sex , my dh and I have a very good sex life and apart from the. Fact we love each I think it's partly to do with the fact we have both had experience and know what we want .
I would lime to say that I never felt emotionally bereftor used after any of these encounters or empowered I just felt good like you do after a good session.

HHLimbo · 16/03/2011 00:43

I used to have loads of casual encounters. Grin
I had one lover whose only goal in life was to give me orgasms, so I would let him, sometimes..

But actually I never had full sex except with serious boyfriends. I was otherwise having so much fun in life that I really didnt want to get pregnant, and it was a long time before I was prepared to start a family.

CheerfulYank · 16/03/2011 00:59

I had some casual encounters, and I was perfectly capable of not falling in love. :) I wish I'd known when I was going to meet DH, I'd probably have had more! :o

The whole "nuclear family" thing is funny...I never thought it would be my life, and then all of a sudden, it is. Well, I only have one DC, a son, right now. But I intend to have another and I'm sure it'll be a little girl, to go along with our suburban house and our golden retriever. Sigh...

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/03/2011 01:11

What an excellent thread. I have nothing to add except another voice in the chorus of 'of course we bloody can!'

It's safe to say that I have never been one for pining over sexual partners, and if anything I've found men more inclined to do so. I found it quite funny/unnerving that I didn't behave like a 'typical woman' by obsessing over men I had slept with. Then I realised that the stereotype was a load of old toot.

HHLimbo · 16/03/2011 12:48

I did pine over some men, the ones I was in love with already.. The ones I didnt it was just a fun roll in the hay!

carminaburana · 16/03/2011 13:00

Oi - PA4PM - I know my way around in the dark you know

PeterAndreForPM · 16/03/2011 13:04

you back for more carmina ?

I must have been goooood Grin

carminaburana · 16/03/2011 13:06

grrr

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 16/03/2011 14:31

Oh I sometimes felt miserable or narky when a bloke didn't want to come back for more, and sometimes blokes felt equally miserable or narky when I didn;t want any more. But that's life, you don't get everything you want. It doesn't make the enjoyable shags that did take place any less enjoyable that they only happened the once or twice.
ANd FWIW I had one or two mad crushes on men that didn't last beyond the first sexual encounter as they turned out to be rubbish at it.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 15:06

Oh, god, yes, Brass! That's the worse, you fancy the hell out of them, you both flirt and play the game, then he turns out to be a Two-Pump Chump, or have a slender willy, or is just. . . bad.

What a letdown!

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/03/2011 15:11

ARF at "slender willy".

Like a sort of sprouting daffodil stem?

expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 15:16

Pencil Dick, as it's known.

carminaburana · 16/03/2011 17:03

If someone is physically beautiful - ( in your eyes ) you're onto a good thing. you can help them out in the bedroom if you think they're a disappointment. - you are attracted to someone's face and body in the first instance, and then their personality, you can never change those, but you can teach someone how to perform better in bed. ( if you're any good yourself that is - which of course you might not be and expect to just lie there and do nothing )

Original poster
GastonTheLadybird · 16/03/2011 17:42

Only just come back to this, really interesting views (mainly).

Good to see the majority of people think it is personality specific not gender specific, sometimes RL just isn't MN enough for me. It makes me feel like I am going mad!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 17:58

'If someone is physically beautiful - ( in your eyes ) you're onto a good thing. you can help them out in the bedroom if you think they're a disappointment. - '

No, sometimes you really can't, especially if the other party is unwilling or unable, for whatever reason. This is how a lot of people wind up in the Relationship boards about their terrible sex life that is tearing about their marriage or relationship. Because they were never sexually compatible in the first place, but were mislead into believing that lurve would conquer it all and their personal sexual fulfillment was secondary. They kidded themselves that sex didn't really matter and only a bad person would consider breaking things off at the dating/pre marriage or kids stage because of bad sex/sexual incompatibility.

Now they're miserable and stuck with a couple of kids as well.

It's interesting, however, to see certain posters denegrate others who don't agree with their views as less of a person than themselves - physically unattractive, needy, shallow, bad in bed. Honestly, why would anyone care about how much sex someone else has or with whom enough to generalise about such people? Says a lot about themselves, IMO.

ledkr · 16/03/2011 18:02

Grin at slender willy.There should be a law for slender willy owners to wear a sort of badge or t shirt to avoid women waseting their time and to avoid humiliation.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 18:06

A friend of mine was told, 'It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean.'

Her response was, 'You can't go out to sea in a dinghy.'

Happylander · 16/03/2011 18:22

I have had quite a wild past....had many a different sized penis. One so small that I could hardly see it let alone feel it and he lasted two strokes and rolled off and then had the cheek to say how amazing it was...I didn't even know we had started!! Have never liked a pencil dick either...it's like being shagged with...well...a pencil LOL
Now my DH...boy do I love his dick...just perfect....shame he's not here or I would be jumping on him right now as thats the kind of dirty bird I am Wink

carminaburana · 16/03/2011 18:27

That might be true for some people expat - but I wouldn't be with a fat boring minger - even if his dick could perform open heart surgery and send rockets to the moon - you don't stay with someone just because they're a good fuck - you just don't.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 18:30

It doesn't have to be one way or another, carmen. It's entirely possible to have a terrific husband/wife/partner who's always been good in bed.

Hmm
ledkr · 16/03/2011 18:39

would be a bit disapointing tho to meet the fittest bloke ever and hes shite in bed.I once shagged a bloke my mate had shagged when very young,we both agreed massive willy but 2 dips and a squirt.
Di that make us cock sisters?

expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 18:41

Led, you slag. You must have been very needy and unattractive :o.

At one particular university, where one of my friends went, some guys would be passed round an entire suite of 4 girls.

That was too much even for me!

This one chap had been with them all when I came to visit her. He was dishy, but I just couldn't go there because after all, there's a lot of men in the world :o.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2011 18:42

'two dips and a squirt'. LOL. AKA, a two-pump chump.

Happylander · 16/03/2011 19:09

I did pull a bloke who was fit but he came on the carpet before he's even got in me......I wondered why he stopped kissing etc and then i went to touch his winky woo and my hand went in the wet patch. I was gutted as thought he'd be great because he was fit. How naive I was LOL

Skifit · 16/03/2011 19:16

No,YANBU