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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think women CAN have casual sex?

217 replies

GastonTheLadybird · 15/03/2011 13:10

I have read a few things recently that have said that women and men are essentially wired differently and that women will always feel rejected, cheap and used after casual encounters.

I think this is just as bad as saying that casual sex is empowering etc. For some people it will be, and some people will feel rejected but equally some women can just enjoy casual sex without it being any more or less than that.

Or AIBU and we are 'wired' differently?

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:25

I don't know Slainte. I suppose I just can't grasp it...it's as if it's beyond my comprehension.

I think the way you descrbe yourself and your needs is quite a rare way for a woman to choose to live. I'm not saying it's wrong at all...it seems you know exactly what you want nd have got it.

I think that there are very few women who are in a financial position to enjoy such liberation once they have children.

I don't know...it's alien to me. I just can't undertstand it.

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:27

I can't say that I feel one night stands are good on a regular basis...but I do see now that in Slaintes situation she does appear to somewhat have it sorted...nice balance.

carminaburana · 15/03/2011 22:27

Ha ha ha PA4PM - I most certainly do not watch JK - just the sight of those people makes me itch - ( and not in a good way )

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:30

i totally accept that it is alien to you but i dont think that gives you any right to judge it as unhealthy. it may have been unhealthy for you as you clearly associate sex and emotion but you simply cant make that judgement for others. we are all different and i just because it is your way, doesn't make it the right way. there is no one right way.

financially i am at rock bottom, but it is my rock bottom and i will get myself out of it. i would feel like a total sell-out if i committed to a man in order to fix my financial problems. i would have to sacrifice too much of myself, more than the financial gain would be worth.

majordanjarvis · 15/03/2011 22:33

Slainte - it's not all about you and your feeling a "sell-out". Someone should be trying to provide the best upbringing for your children, financially and otherwise.

faeriefruitcake · 15/03/2011 22:34

I had loads and I enjoyed it Grin

It's not for everyone, some people have other ideas about how we use our bodies.

Certainly would have the amazing sex life with DH is we both hadn't got in the practice hours

PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 22:37

boo...can I be in a relationship with you please ?

I like the sound of yours Smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/03/2011 22:38

majordan - please tell me you are not suggesting that slainte commit to a relationship she doesn't want purely for the sake of financial stability?

I really hope I have the wrong end of the stick there....

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:38

If the only reason you were comitting was to have someone to pay the bills then I agree that would be very wrong.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 15/03/2011 22:39

I think it would be a lot better if more women had more casual sex, particularly if their aim is ultimately to have a monogamous or at least committed relationship. If you insist on commitment before having sex, you might well end up with someone who is rubbish in bed and never know better; you can also end up thinking you have no or very little libido because you are sick of sex with your One True Love without realising that the problem is the One True Love is One Crap Shag. If you don't take sex too seriously, enjoy it for what it is and understand that it's up to you whether you have it or not, you are more likely to demand and expect more from any man you actually decide to have a relationship with.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:39

Major I think Slainte is not going into another full blown relationship for her kids... Hmm

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:41

"Someone should be trying to provide the best upbringing for your children, financially and otherwise."

Hmm

oh god, i wonder who that someone is? certainly not me with my selfish attitude of not wanting to emotionally involve someone in my life for financial gain. who do you suggest i get to put my children first? should it be my casual sexual partner? should i run out in the street and ask if anyone wants to support my children? or should i just ignore you for the dickhead that you are and carry on confident in the knowledge that my EX and I are perfectly capable of raising our children between us to a standard that wont have the neighbours calling SS anytime soon.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:43

peterandre has just asked me for a shag??? ShockGrin

igetmorelovefromthecat · 15/03/2011 22:43

I have gone through spates of having lots of casual sex, especially when I was younger. I thought I was the one in control, I was the one using men, and to be honest I just really liked shagging. Then in my mid twenties, when I was in a pretty good relationship, I suddenly just shut down sexually. I would not let my partner anywhere near me and eventually we split up. I had some counselling at Relate and worked out that what had happened was I had been using sex like a drug for years, to make me feel better about myself, and actually in the long term it had done quite the opposite. I think if you don't have respect for yourself and your body then sooner or later it will come back to haunt you.

Also, in my experience, most causual sex is pretty rubbish. Knowing someone properly and knowing what the other likes is much sexier.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:44

i agree SGB.

carminaburana · 15/03/2011 22:48

SCGB;

The best lover in the world gets boring after a while - it's something to do with familiarity - he ( or she ) isn't going to blow you away every single night - some people just like the excitement of someone different - even if they're not that great in bed -

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:49

"some people just like the excitement of someone different - even if they're not that great in bed -"

nothing wrong with that.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:49

So what is the view on men having ONSs then?

robotlollypopman · 15/03/2011 22:50

Cats have one night stands and they seem happy.

robotlollypopman · 15/03/2011 22:50

Pinocchio INSISTS on no strings fun.

adamschic · 15/03/2011 22:50

Variety can be the spice of life, so they say.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:50

they're encouraged too allsquare, they're men afterall Hmm

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:51

Am roffling at you, RobotLollypopMan Grin

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:54

So can I get this straight...

If women are unable to have ONS without being emotionally affected...

Man ONS with man is ok
Woman ONS with woman is ok
Man ONS with woman is ok
Woman ONS with man NOT ok

???

carminaburana · 15/03/2011 22:54

No, there's nothing wrong with that - I was just pointing out that having a fantastic lover means nothing. I love expensive organic meat - but every now and then I crave a Mcdonalds

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