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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think women CAN have casual sex?

217 replies

GastonTheLadybird · 15/03/2011 13:10

I have read a few things recently that have said that women and men are essentially wired differently and that women will always feel rejected, cheap and used after casual encounters.

I think this is just as bad as saying that casual sex is empowering etc. For some people it will be, and some people will feel rejected but equally some women can just enjoy casual sex without it being any more or less than that.

Or AIBU and we are 'wired' differently?

OP posts:
Deliainthemaking · 15/03/2011 19:13

I agree I have some friends who are very cavalier with love and sex and some who arent each to their own

TheSecondComing · 15/03/2011 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gay40 · 15/03/2011 19:17

Course they can. And it's not gender specific. But some women think less sex/sexual partners is somehow virtuous. Some men think this as well.
Utter shite.

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 19:24

But there's more at risk for a woman...a man can't get pregnant and be abandoned either emotionally or financially by the woman can he?

carminaburana · 15/03/2011 19:35

Of course women can have casual sex, but I don't think they pull it off as well as men - ( as hard as they try ) woman are more emotional and value their bodies a bit more - which is a good thing.

And we don't want sex as much as men so the need isn't there.

usualsuspect · 15/03/2011 19:52

I wanted sex a lot, back in the day Grin

carminaburana · 15/03/2011 19:59
Grin

I was always too romantic - I wanted someone's heart and soul not a body part

Casual sex is for beginners

QueenStromba · 15/03/2011 20:16

Speak for yourself carminaburana - I have a higher sex drive than most men.

Anyway, I've had lots of casual sex whereas my DP has only had sex with people he loved.

musicmadness · 15/03/2011 20:23

It depends on your personality, not your gender. Personally I see sex as something fun, but not particularly special and have no problem with having different sexual partners (as long as its safe), if you see sex as something special I think it is much harder to have multiple short term partners.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 20:24

SeeJane but a woman can stop herself getting pregnant much easier than a man can stop her (but that doesnt just apply to flings)...

If she does accidentally get pregnant, she can choose to have an abortion, a man cant make that choice, hes in for the ride.

So using that logic, its easier for a woman to have a one night stand, as shes more in control (pregnancy wise)

FWIW, I never once had a pregnancy scare in my younger days. In fact, I was worried when I started TTC that I might have something wrong as everyone always seems to have one accident. And I never got any STDs from all of my one nighters either. Though I did from my XF (go figure... Hmm)

PeterAndreForPM · 15/03/2011 20:29

SJK..have you never met a man that has been "abandoned emotionally" by a woman ?

and not all women are financially dependent on men

have you arrived in a time machine from the 1950's ? Smile

bringonthegoat · 15/03/2011 20:36

Some people enjoy casual sex - I don't. I have a higher sex drive than anyone I know - including my male friends.

expatinscotland · 15/03/2011 20:39

What Gay said.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 20:40

On that point bringonthegoat , my sex drive isnt high at all. Even if in the olden days I had a ONS every time I went out though, I was only having sex once or twice a week :)

Twas different with my FB and we did it nearly every day, lol. But that was enjoying phenomenal sex with someone I got on very well with, rather than just enjoying sex... Wink

SardineQueen · 15/03/2011 20:42

Depends on the person, depends on the stage of their life as well. At some points in your life casual sex might be a great idea, at other times a proper relationship is what you're after.

Having said that I know many men and women who are not casual sex type people at any stage of their life.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 20:44

PS, before DH reads this and gets offended, former FB wasnt as well endowed as he is Grin

rinabean · 15/03/2011 20:46

Of course women feel cheap after casual sex. Women who have casual sex are immoral sluts who are destroying nuclear families (even if they use contraception apparently). There's nothing inherently cheapening about casual sex, it's our society's perception of it that might make some women feel shitty afterwards.

For the record, I'm totally personally against casual sex. I couldn't do it. Not with a stranger, anyway, maybe an alternate me could sleep with her friends? But I'm just not like that. Sometimes I wish I could, I bet it's fun, but at the end of the day you have to be happy with who you are.

bringonthegoat · 15/03/2011 20:46

I'd happily have sex every day and more than once - if only I had time and a willing victim partner Wink

I think how you feel about yourself is a major factor in this. Low self esteem and casual sex is a recipe for disaster. IMO men have higher self worth so are better at casual sex - but of course it cuts both ways and is a generalisation (I do love generalisations Smile)

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 20:48

Ahh, and as a generalisation, a lot of women have low self esteem!! I see a theory coming from this... :)

carminaburana · 15/03/2011 20:49

Casual sex is for a certain type of person - sorry.

TobyLerone · 15/03/2011 20:50

Grin PAforPM. Totally agree.

My bf and I are only together because he couldn't deal with casual sex. I'm SO happy it turned out this way, but at the time I was perfectly equipped to keep it casual.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 20:50

SJK what on earth makes you think men are incapable of investing unreciprocated emotion ina relationship/fling?

do you think men are emotionless? incapable of being hurt?

a woman can become pregnant and choose not to keep a child. the man has no say over this. he may have chosen to keep the child and raise it alone. i would say that is a pretty big risk for a man.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 20:51

and you can get lost with your lone parenting not being ideal crap.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 20:51

what is that type carmina?

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 20:52

I too am intrigued....

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