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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think women CAN have casual sex?

217 replies

GastonTheLadybird · 15/03/2011 13:10

I have read a few things recently that have said that women and men are essentially wired differently and that women will always feel rejected, cheap and used after casual encounters.

I think this is just as bad as saying that casual sex is empowering etc. For some people it will be, and some people will feel rejected but equally some women can just enjoy casual sex without it being any more or less than that.

Or AIBU and we are 'wired' differently?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 15/03/2011 22:05

My head exploded a bit at 'owner'.

adamschic · 15/03/2011 22:07

My best friend has lived all her adult life with her first lover, had the church wedding before the DC's etc. Life has been very different for me, she envies some aspects of my life and vice versa, not sure either would swap places though.

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:07

rinabean

I took the exerpt below from a website on sexual health..will get link in a mo.

Condoms not the perfect solution
Condoms made of latex or polyurethane can help reduce the likelihood of most STD's, but even these sometimes allow the transmission of disease; 2-6% of condoms break or fall off during intercourse, and a condom can break even if you use it perfectly. A condom is not protective against human papillomavirus (HPV

Gay40 · 15/03/2011 22:08

Rina, you definitely need to get out a bit.

Sex is a physical feeling, love an emotional one. They are not the same thing.

Nice to see some silly stereotypes being perpetrated about women who have lots of partners.

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:09

Plus rinabean I'm not saying that ALL people should commit...but just that multiple partners is not healthy.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:09

SeeJane I already pointed out upthread that I am married (and was so before having DS). However, I believe that you can have just sex with someone, without being in a relationship.
IMO sex in a relationship is different to sex out of a relationship, neither is better as they are incomparable.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/03/2011 22:10

SeeJane - I am married. Very happily. DH and I have a great sex life (when I'm not 9 months pregnant!).
I will never be unfaithful to him, I'm committed to him for the rest of my life.

It doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy sex purely for the sake of sex when I was younger.

See I can appreciate your viewpoint, I'm not saying that everyone should behave in the same way - but you are - which in my book makes you somewhat narrow-minded.

Gay40 · 15/03/2011 22:10

SJK, I'm in a monogamous committed long term relationship, and I do not think that sex and love are the same thing at all. Nice to have both, but not mandatory for happiness or morality.
But...horses for courses.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:10

SJK i asked my partner and father of my children to leave in august. as a result of teh pressure i felt under in that relationship i have decided that i want to parent alone and dont wish to have another person (aside from my now EX) in my childrn's lives who feels liek thay may have a say in how i raise them, how i spend my money, my evenings, my spare time, etc. but you know what? i do still like sex and i have a friend who also likes sex and doesn't want to become a step parent or start putting his income into a family pot, nor does he want to feel obliged to spend more time with me than he is comfortable with. should we not enjoy some time with each other because neitgher of us are willing to commit to a relationship? i enjoy his company and am very relaxed with him, we know each other very well and we hae great sex. we also have safe sex. we are also both fucking gorgeous so that blows carmina's appearance theory out of the water. Grin

you aren't understanding my point WRT teh risk for a man from a ONS.

ginmakesitallok · 15/03/2011 22:10

I had loads of casual sex before I met DP - for my first couple of years of Uni - and it was FAB!! I've been with DP for 17 years now - and he's been my only sexual partner in those 17 years. Sex and love are very different

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:11

Of course they're not imcomparible allsquare! Sex is sex. With a man or a woman...it's all sex isn't it?

Basically the same actions with variants...

rinabean · 15/03/2011 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:15

sex is not an emotion SJK it is an act. you may choose to only have sex when you feel an emotional attatchment to someone but the sex is not the emotion. sex can happen without emotion.

tinierclanger · 15/03/2011 22:15

Some women can
Some women can't
Some men can
Some men can't
It doesn't make you a better person to have never had casual sex
It doesn't make you a more interesting person to have had loads
It's not weird to only want sex with love
It's not weird to separate the two
And it will have suited some people at some point in their lives but not necessarily forever

Does that cover it all?

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:16

Slainte...but before you had DC that would have probably been a relationship...you say yourself HE doesn't want to be a step parent and HE doesn't want his money in a family pot but you both like sex.

Wouldn't you like it if he DID want to be in a relationship with you and be part of your household?

Your ex sounds controlling...don't blame you for getting out of it...and maybe you need the space of a non-committed relationship...but still...

supersewer · 15/03/2011 22:16

personally I couldn't imagine not having an emotional link to a sexual encounter - but that is what works for me:)

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:16

IMO, having experienced both, I can tell you that one does not feel the same as the other. Having not experienced both (as far as I can see from your posts) how do you know I am wrong.
Not that my opinion can be wrong, its my opinion Hmm

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:18

I don't thin sex and love are the same thing. But I DO think women are more vulnerable for being usually the main carers of children when they arrive. And it's this which makes me think that it's good to have a partner who is interested in the long term...yes...sex is a physical act but I still don't think it should be promoted as something easy come easy go.

supersewer · 15/03/2011 22:19

didn't say you were wrong all squared just that it's not for me.

SeeJaneKick · 15/03/2011 22:21

Well alsquare I never said I hadn't experienced sex outside of a relationship did I? I have in fact.

But it left me feeling bad...I did it three times in total and every one left me with a bad feeling.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:21

Not you super :)

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:21

SJK did you read teh first part of my post. i said i dont want someone else in my or my childrens lives taht feel tehy have a say inany of it. i do not want a partner. what on earh makes you think it is impossible for me to want to be alone?

he doesn't want to be a step parent and i dont want a step parent for my children

he doesn't want to be part of my household and i dont want anyone to be part of my household

he doesn't wnat to sacrifice his income for my family and i don't want anyone to feel liek they have a say over the spending taht goes on in my home.

bottom line, i do not want a relationship with anyone above and beyond that which i have with my friend.

"and maybe you need the space of a non-committed relationship...but still..."

what does this mean? are you saying that you understand i need space but that really i should be looking to commit? why?

ledkr · 15/03/2011 22:25

i had a lot of casual sex after i was divorced.Twas grand and got me over my marriage break up,i dont regret it i was always the one in control and was very safe.

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 15/03/2011 22:25

i also dont understand why you say before i had children it would have been a relationship. teh fact is that where i am now, i have chidlren. saying that it would have been different if, is silly because it isn't what has happened.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 15/03/2011 22:25

Well thats your opinion and I (nor any of the pro-ONS brigade) never said that everyone should sleep around, just that its not wrong if someone chooses to.

And I did say "as far as I can see from your posts"...