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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you to add to this thread...

220 replies

Valpollicella · 13/03/2011 23:18

...and possibly complete the first ever MN romantic novel (Mills & Boon style)..

Rose-Marie looked down at her oil covered overalls and considered her aching muscles. She had spent all afternoon working on the old Merc for the local landowner and still hadn't managed to get to the bottom of the problem.

She slumped down at the small bench and greedily unwrapped her ham sandwiches....

OP posts:
Bigpants1 · 15/03/2011 22:16

..an illicit affair he had had when posted on Craggy Island. Would this woman "out" him as the Vicar with the "most boring voice ever", not to mention the night of Irish Dancing in Graham Nortons caravan-well, that was his story and he was sticking to it.
Rose-Marie declared the Vicar unwell and helped him derobe and slip into something more comfortable.
Suddenly... a loud banging...

sharbie · 15/03/2011 22:17

it was father dougal

er ted ....he said

QuickLookBusy · 15/03/2011 22:18

was greatly recieved by Rosie.

QuickLookBusy · 15/03/2011 22:19

[Oh I x post every time!]

Bigpants1 · 15/03/2011 22:22

No, dougal,he replied, tis me, the Vicar with "the most boring voice ever". Go and ask Mrs Doyle to make some tea, I have some important business to attend to.

Bigpants1 · 15/03/2011 22:32

Thankful for the loud banging, though rubbing her head from where it had made contact with the headboard several times, Rose-marie attended to the real reason she was here...

Catnao · 15/03/2011 23:01

Hang on Bigpants1 - why is there a headboard in the vestry or wherever in the church they have gone? Continuity, dear girl!

Any way, having banged her head so hard and so often on the VESTRY ROBE CUPBOARD, Rose came over all peculiar and begged the lustful man of the cloth to....

Original poster
Valpollicella · 15/03/2011 23:08

...forgive her of her sins.

'I have sinned,' she sobbed post orgamsic. 'I was such a good girl until Quentin corrupted me with his throbbing gasket...'

OP posts:
ChaosTech · 15/03/2011 23:15

Message Deleted By Mumnet.

ChaosTech · 15/03/2011 23:16
Blush
Original poster
Valpollicella · 15/03/2011 23:18

Said Rosie's post the next day when she asked for advice on MN....her description of how this supposed man of the cloth made love to her made them fear for another SWMNBM episode.

Without advice she wasn't sure where to turn...

OP posts:
ChaosTech · 15/03/2011 23:19

but ran to the priest hole anyway................

Catnao · 15/03/2011 23:21

But found it already occupied, so....

Original poster
Valpollicella · 15/03/2011 23:40

She tuned to the only person in the world who wouldn't judge her.

Slowly she walked to her car knowing that there would be no way back from this.

After an hour and a half of nervous driving she arrived at the coast, at the house of her Aunt Celia.

She knew that she would have the answers. Celia had lived through the Sixties, and was known to have had a wild past...

OP posts:
Bigpants1 · 15/03/2011 23:41

LOL Chaos Tech-what did I miss??? This isnt a Jackie Collins novel dant ya know?
...opening her burberry handbag and clutching her blackberry,she phoned Nico-well, any port in a storm! Come, Nico, quick, she rasped, her B&H habit making her sound like a buzz-saw,take off my heels, and bring the contraband...

Bigpants1 · 15/03/2011 23:55

Unfortuantely, Nico was playing house with Gok, so Rose-Marie did indeed turn to her trusted Aunt Celia!(note to self-keep-up!)
She threw herself at her Aunts mercy, and revealed her torrid sexual liasons that had been her undoing.
Imagine then, her surprise, when Aunt Celia smiled, and said....

ChaosTech · 15/03/2011 23:55

Celia welcomed her in and wafted past in a aura of Biba on the way to the sitting room where the conversation turned to the .............

Bigpants1 · 16/03/2011 00:08

torrid sexual liasons..blah,blah,blah...
You can stay, Rose-Marie, but you must work-this isnt the sixties you know, I have become an ardent Conservative follower and Money is my God now.
Tis good you dont need breaking-in.Now, go freshen-up,here is your first client.
Shyly, Rosie opened the bedroom door and gasped...Colin!.....

Catnao · 16/03/2011 00:18

Ye Gods! Bloody Colin, for one so desirable, is very desperate to get back in with me! (Thought Rose - Marie).

Any way, Rose - Marie was by now weary, and decided that she must at once take her heaving bosom to bed, before she stayed up all night writing waffle on the internet, when she had important and groundbreaking work to do in the retro fashion industry in the morning....

Am36butfeel66 · 16/03/2011 00:23

And he wasn't alone, as on the bed beside him was Quentin and Lord Haw Haw (remember them?).. was she having a Bobby Ewing moment? or was this reality...she felt her heart begin to race, and a throb starting...

Bigpants1 · 16/03/2011 00:30

Sooo, said Colin,for some reason his shirt and tightly fitted breeches still dripping,do your stuff Rosie ye ole tart. He slapped her thigh playfully and handed her a curly-wurly....

To be continued when I have rested my ample bosom.

Am36butfeel66 · 16/03/2011 00:32

Could she resist the curly-wurly as her father asked? Or would she give in to temptation?.... Or was there another choice to make?..

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny · 16/03/2011 07:24

Unwrapping the CurlyWurly tentatively, she revealed the twisted chocolate and toffee, seeing the echos to her twisted confused thoughts..

Oh just to lick the tip, taste the divine sweetness..

A sob escaped her throat and she fell to her knees, hurling the CurlyWurly away from her with abandoned passion.. She froze as a shadow slowly appeared on the floor before her.

And now she gasped.. even as a Shadow, the voluptuous curves of Merry Quaint sent her abdominal muscles into spasm..

AtYourCervix · 16/03/2011 08:06

It was her father, the right reverend Green.

'Rose-Marie' his baritone boomed through the cat-house. 'Thank kerist I am in time to save your virtue'

Rose=Marie wiped a dribble of cum from her thigh and hoped her father couldn't recognise man-juice.

'Dad' She gasped, rolling her eyes her bosom heaving,'forgive me'

On the bed Colin lay perplexed, his cock rearing from the sheets like a misguided marrow....

Catnao · 16/03/2011 18:11

[I just read that as misguided sparrow! Thanks for making me nearly choke!]