to ask you to add to this thread...

[Valpollicella]

...and possibly complete the first ever MN romantic novel (Mills & Boon style)..

Rose-Marie looked down at her oil covered overalls and considered her aching muscles. She had spent all afternoon working on the old Merc for the local landowner and still hadn't managed to get to the bottom of the problem.

She slumped down at the small bench and greedily unwrapped her ham sandwiches....

Now, you are mine, Jamie leered, thrusting his marrow menancingly at Rosie. Youre tightly laced corsets wont save you now...

"Oh my good God!", she shrieked. "These aren't CORSETS, they're...

Rosie sighed. She had always known it would come to this. She could feel his hard,(ouch, VERY hard),marrow pushing where her mother had told her god-fearing girls never spoke of.

Too late, the only thing she feared now, was that her Orgasm would equal those spoke of,(ad-nauseum),in every "naughty" womans bible-"Cosmopolitan".

But as it turned out, she OBVIOUSLY had nothing to fear, and besides, Jamie had had his eye caught by the very lissome...

....ankles Rosie had hidden under her corsets-or whatever lady-garment she was wearing....
Yes, they didnt call her "double-jointed Rosie" for nothing.(Actually, "they" called her "an olde slapper), but Rosies ear-trumpet was not what it once was.
Anyhoo....just as Jamie thought his marrow could take no more excitement....

....the kids from the dream school arrived, dressed becomingingly in traditional Morris wear, and shouted, "look out, Rosie! We know what he's got under those chef's whites, and it's....

(Hang on - wasn't Rosie a mechanic in overalls at some point? I appear to now be in some Tess of the D'urbevilles story! Bed time I think!)

(Plus, my spelling has deteriorated badly. As you were).

(Catnao-tis ok, Rosie shed her overalls when she did shart them due to sudden onset of IBS. Also, Sir Colin Firth had something to do with Rosies un-doing also...)
(Back to plot...) ....before the members,(purile snigger), could finish telling Rosie what Jamie had under his chefs whites they were outraged when it was brought to their attention that ye ole twat, Master Matthew Wright,was telling all on "Ye ole wright stuffe". How very dare he steal their thunder again! He was a bounder of the very worst kind.
Would Rosie ever be destined to find out what she truly, urgently needed to know.....

Catnao-me thinks we should patent(???) this novel and run off into the yonder, swinging our pig-tails and laughing at ye ole Vall-whats-her-name,cos we stole her idea. (and probably ruined it).
But, first I must retire and loosen my corsets-theyre chuffin killing me!

As long as you leave Colin behind, yes run off into the yonder.

Where is Colin anyway, I've been dreaming of his wet dripping breeches all night.

The next morning a bounding, throbbing sun broke over the idyllic vista.

Rose-marie was woken by the birdsong, she stretched and winced. Every muscle in her lite body ached as though she had run a marathon. As she moved, her soft, white hand brushed against the adonis sleeping peacefully beside her. His beautiful, sculpted, bronzed body was a picture of perfection and Rose-Marie smiled as she remembered their night of passion.

Quietly she slipped out of bed and padded across the shag pile to the en-suite. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and gasped......

The sun had just danced thru the opened curtains at the window and settled it's light on the marrow.....

which looked tired and bruised.

A smell of freshly brewed coffee rose from the hallway and the clink of siver cutlery aleted Rosie to the fact that they were not alone.

Greasping the marrow firmly in both hands like a cudgel she crept silently towards the kitchen. Taking a deep breath, which caught her tender ribs she licked her kiss bruised lips and....

Suddenly there was a thunderous knock at the door. A shrill voice could be heard outside...

Brilliant, just brilliant Frustrated trash romance novel writers, the lot of you...

Rosie opened the door slowly and was surprised to find a large woman heaving filled bin bags from the boot of her BMW x5. Her voice carried across the still morning air and Rosie heard her wailing and moaning.

'You can have him' she shouted, spitle flying from her puce lipsticked mouth. Rosie recognised the colour as a Chanelle one she had spurned in Selfridges the weekend before.

'You're well suited' the woman continued, 'Tell him to never darken my doorstep again'

At that moment Rosie noticed three little wan faces peering at her from the leaher seats of the fasionable 4x4. The breath caught in her throat and she felt her muscles go weak and she dropped the marrow.

She bent and picked up the nearst bag but it was as heavy as her heart and split, out fell a

placenta

The end?

Rosie had been meaning to put it in the freezer the previous day but had forgotten, and now it was lying sprawled over the kitchen floor while Chanelle was picking up the marrow, she her the sound of footprints upstairs and froze...

But she knew that the man upstairs was a vegetarian, suddenly an idea flashed across her brain, she could feel the beads of sweat forming on her forehead, her pulse was starting to race

Maybe, just maybe, she could ask the man upstairs to rid her of the two timing (though achingly masculine and charismatic (??it IS Jamie Oliver, right?) man she had woken up with!

She dashed up the stairs, her bosom heaving even more than usual, due to her 30 a day B and H habit, left over from her mechanic days, and hammered on the door of the artistic and fey, and undeniably attractive man upstairs, Nico...

(Disclaimer - I do not think Jamie Oliver is achingly masculine, or indeed, charismatic)

rosie dashed into the kitchen to find colin, his shirt damp andclinging attractively to histoned torso, making breakfast.

'oh colin' rosie gasped 'forgive me, i havemadea terrible mistake'

colin took her firmly in his arms and gazed into heremerald eyes as if he couldread her soul.

'my darling',he murmured, 'i too have shameful mistakes i would rather forget. let us never mention this again'

the breakfast congealed in the microwave as he bent rosie over the breakfast bar and he took her eagerly from behind.