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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OW/OM , I think they really are quite stupid .

258 replies

droves · 12/03/2011 14:28

Why would you want to have a relationship with someone , when you know you will only get at best 50% of their attention ?.

Not to mention missing out on all the nice things , like having them introduce you to their family and friends. Or being know as the girlfriend/boyfriend.

Why on earth would anyone one want to be kept secret , like a dirty secret?.

I cant understand why anyone would put up with that.

If you find out that the person you are seeing is married/has partner you get rid because they are
a) dishonest lying twat.
b) untrustworthy
c) will probably do it again when they get bored of you ,
and d) has a overblown sense of entitlement that they believe its their right to treat people so badly.

Dont buy the "but we fell in love , so its ok" line either.
Thats just stupid .
If they are decent they would split with their dp , before they make their mind up to persue someone else.
I dont believe ow/om are evil , just stupid. so aibu?.

OP posts:
Underachieving · 12/03/2011 14:30
Biscuit
valiumredhead · 12/03/2011 14:30

yawn

Maylee · 12/03/2011 14:32

I think these situations aren't always as black and white as some people might like to believe.

Original poster
droves · 12/03/2011 14:47

why not maylee ? you meet someone you like , simply ask them if they are single...if not they can jog on.
nothing hard about that.
However if they lie and you find out different , then they have been wasting your time.
Even if you do like them a lot/love them ...they have tricked you so therefore dont deserve you.
If you still see them , your just stupid.

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 12/03/2011 14:52

yabu because just sometimes circumstances are different.

ObiWan · 12/03/2011 14:54

The OW/OM might be perfectly happy with not seeing too much of the other person, not meeting their family etc.

The other persons relationship is not any of their concern, as one half of that relationship evidently thinks seeing other people is perfectly O.K. It's just a bit of fun.
Not all relationships are based on monogamy, occasionally it's a question of convienience.
The OW/OM can only go on what the person they're seeing tells them.

WomanOfMassDestruction · 12/03/2011 14:56
Biscuit
macdoodle · 12/03/2011 15:00

YANBU, but not everyone has morals and human decency!

Original poster
droves · 12/03/2011 15:07

Surely the risk of s.t.i's would be a concern ?.
Even if nothing else.

I know that monogomy is not for everyone, and some people are more relaxed about relationship boundries.If the spouse/partner has agreed to an open relationship then its not an affair is it ? So by that standard the other person involved isnt an OM/OW .

OM/OW are such because the original partner/spouse thinks they are in a monogamous relationship.
The deceit from the cheating party is the problem .
A person who is willing party to the deceit must be stupid.Or else they wouldnt allow themselves to get involved in that.

OP posts:
judgejudie · 12/03/2011 15:09

what about if the OW/OM turns out to be the "real one", the soul mate, the one he has been waiting for all his life

Original poster
droves · 12/03/2011 15:12

I also think serial cheats are just looking for a variety of places to put their genitals ...and that it has really nothing to do with the people connected to those places.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByALamb · 12/03/2011 15:12

You are stupid because you cannot spell properly. OK?

I presume you have issues around this subject.

WomanOfMassDestruction · 12/03/2011 15:14

Exit my thoughts precisely...

FattyArbuckel · 12/03/2011 15:15

I would say your world view in this respect seems narrow, naiive and overly simplistic.

How things are for you is not the same as how they are for everybody else in the world!

Original poster
droves · 12/03/2011 15:15

If a person suddenly meets their "soul mate" , and is unfortunatly encumbered with a current partner/spouse , then they should remove themselves from that relationship before making any advances on the next.

If they dont , then they have no respect for either of the relationships/partners.

decency cost nothing.

OP posts:
JumpOnIt · 12/03/2011 15:16

OFGS

Whole pack of Jammy Dodgers.

HecateTheCrone · 12/03/2011 15:17

All these biscuits are making me hungry.

If someone in a relationship falls in love with someone else then he/she should end their relationship to be with that person, and not run around behind the current partner's back.

It's cowardly.

If someone is claiming to be in love with the OM/OW, there is no reason to not do it like that apart from cowardice, but I think more often than not the cheater is just after a bit on the side for sex and is feeding the om/ow a load of crap.

I think the blame lies with the cheater, who is probably promising a lonely person the earth. Saying they love them and they want to be with them. Of course, the current relationship is dead and they are only staying for the kids etc - everything a lonely person who wants to be loved wants to hear.

I don't think they're stupid. More - desperate for love and affection and they'd rather have a half than nothing.

Or perhaps they have issues themselves and feel safer in a relationship that they know can only be a half one?

AlistairSim · 12/03/2011 15:17

I wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who could lie so effectively.
If he/she isn't lying to the person they are having an affair with, they are certainly lying to their husband/wife.
How could you feel comfortable with being with someone who does that?

amberleaf · 12/03/2011 15:17

Pack?....box of packs i think!

Original poster
droves · 12/03/2011 15:18

Im dyslexic , so i cant spell properly.Wink.

I dont have issues .
I just dont get why people in general behave this way? .
I also dont understand wars, violence or any of the other horible things that people do to each other.

OP posts:
FluffyDonkey · 12/03/2011 15:20

What happens if the OW/OM doesnt WANT a full-blown relationship?

Not at all condoning affairs, but I know someone who got attached to a married man precisely because it meant she didn't have to have him 100% of the time. She could keep him at arms distance etc. Ok, she has ishoooos but as others say, it's not all black and white. Not all OW/OM want to break up the marriage.

Original poster
droves · 12/03/2011 15:29

Loads of people dont want full blown relationships , but they dont go for attached people.
A casual relationship is what is they have.

Or a fuckbuddy (sorry , i hate the term , but dont know what else to call it).

OP posts:
FattyArbuckel · 12/03/2011 15:33

I have no idea what you are trying to achieve with this thread OP - perhaps you would be better off talking to your vicar?

Happymm · 12/03/2011 15:34

OP has this happened to you by any chance? Has your OH done the dirty on you? All seems a bit personal to me...Hmm

Melly19MummyToBe · 12/03/2011 15:49

My dad left us when I was 7, him and my mum were arguing a lot and my big sister was in france on a school exchange trip so I was all alone while they were shouting at each other. I couldn't understand what was happening, I thought they were mad because my sister was in france. Then I got up one morning and my mum was sat in the kitchen in tears having been sat there all night, my dad had gone. I remember quite clearly mum explaining to me that "daddy had left because he said he doesn't love mummy anymore. He still loves you and janine though"

I never thought it strange that my dad left and moved straight in with another woman until a bit later on when I knew what affairs were. I asked my mum if thats what my dad had been doing and she said it was. That OW is now my step mum and I love her to bits! I have a little sister out of it now and couldn't be happier with my family!

So no, not all OW/OM are stupid.

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