To not want to moderate my language in front of these children?

[notanumber]

I am a teacher (Secondary in inner London).

Contrary to popular belief, teachers mostly don't clock off at half past three and are in school for a good while after the pupils have left.

This means that for those teachers who are also parents, they cannot collect their children straight from their school but have to make other arrangements with childminders/after school clubs etc.

However, my teaching colleague has children who attend the nearby primary school and he chooses to have his children (about 7 and 9) walk up to the school we teach in and and hang about in the staffroom until he is ready to go (usually about 90 minutes).

The school is short of space, many people don't have their own classrooms, and in any case classrooms are often used after the end of the offical day for twilight or revision lessons.

Therefore, the staffroom is very very busy in the hour or so after the final bell. Lots of people working (marking or planning), some people doing the networking stuff (talking to HOYs about particular pupils, calling parents, discussing upcoming lessons with their department) and others just relaxing and gossiping.

Basically it is full. Full of teachers who have got to the end of the day and dealing with all the stuff they have to do or just blowing off steam.

Teahing is a stressful job and sometimes shouting, "cunting top set year 11 make me want to kill myself!" is necessary to maintain sanity. This is extreme though, but many people do swear and discuss non-child friendly things fairly routinely.

Ok, after all that, here comes the AIBU!

On occasion, when there has been some colourful language the teacherparent
has been known to admonish with, "Language! Do you mind? There are children in here?"

The thing is, there shouldn't be children in the staffroom IMO. The clue is in the name - it's a staffroom, not a crèche.

It is the one space in the school where you can let you guard down and say what you like. especially if it's "after hours".

AIBU to think that if he doesn't want his children to hear "language" then he should make proper arrangements for them?

His children shouldnt be there and if he doesnt like the language (which presumably he is ok with if his kids arent there?) then he should make alternative arrangments. Do you have a library or learning centre they could go to?

Are they even allowed to be there in terms of insurance etc? I know that such things are complicated in schools.

I would make a complaint to the head about it as apart from anything else it could set a precedent. could you imagine the chaos if you all decided to do that with your kids?!

"Also, how about a bit of understanding - having DC come laong and waiting must be so much easier. I would want to do that too rather than paying CM or whatever."

I would rather not pay my CM to look after my DC if I could have 'em hanging round the staffroom for free.

But I do because it is not my employer's responsibility to shelter my kids and inconvenience my colleagues.

Our school does not allow children in the staffroom for numerous reasons, confidentiality and freedom of speech for adults being two of them.
I'm surprised your school doesn't have rules on that.

well not everyone swears!
you can let off steam without using foul language IMO.

Is it that hard to not use bad language? There are children in there, rightly or wrongly, why can't you moderate your language for them? I don't get it anyway, I'm an adult and I can't stand people swearing, doesn't create a nice impression.

Wouldn't there also be issues of confidentiality if you are speaking about pupils. "Johnny you know your big brother in Y10, Miss Notanumber was telling MissYOH that he's a cunting asbo waiting to happen"

Yeah, I know, talk to Head. But it's difficult when you're "telling tales" on someone, isn't it?

He's a nice bloke, I don't want to get him into trouble or anything...

I am surprised his children are allowed in the staff room. Not particularly because they might hear a swear word, but because of issues of confidentiality. I think you should have a quiet word with him about that, rather than the swearing. But be prepared to talk to a member of your leadership team or the head.

Why are people so anti the swearing when that isnt really the issue?!

Whether you agree with the swearing or not, the fact remains that it is accepted behaviour in that particular staffroom. As the children shouldnt be there at all, the parent who brings them anyway needs to accept that he is encroaching on adult space and should accept what that entails.

I am sure that the OP and her colleagues wouldnt dream of walking into a softplay and start effing and cee-ing with gay abandon because it is a child centred area.

The issue is, is the parent being a prick by asking them to stop their normal accepted behaviour because he has broken the rules. And yes, he is!

YANBU. I can see where your coming from. I note that largely it's other teachers who do toohank goodness, in your number.

Your staffroom is not an office or a boardroom but somewhere where the staff can go to take a break. How the fuck can you do that if you can't be yourself and ask how the fuck you can do that! :o

I'd go so far as to say that if there were any objections on the part of the parent concerned he was reminded that the clue is in the word "staff" and suggest that he took his children out of the STAFFroom.

If you build your house next to the abbatoir, don't complain when the pigs squeal and all that...

it seems weird - I wouldn't have my dc hanging around in the office - not for that long on a single day, let alone day after day. Just because it happens to be a school doesn't change that. I say this as daughter of two teachers. I was taken off the premises!!

So YANBU. Even if it's not a language issue, you need a place to discuss your job. Blimey, who hasn't come off the phone (if you have that sort of a job) after an hour of polite negotiation and not whispered "w@nker w@nker w@nker" (once you've checked the speaker's off, obviously ) - also being fairly certain that on the other end someone's going "what a total and utter bitch". If you have a stressful job, you have to let off steam.

Definitely confidentiality issues, apart from anything else!

But ultimately - it's an adult workplace. If the culture of it is that rude words are used with enthusiasm, then the teacher-parent puts up or makes other arrangements.

I once had to take ds in to school with me (last day of summer term, his primary finished the day before).

Never mind the c*nting swearing, he had to sit through a 45 minute valedictory speech by retiring Dep Head!

Tough. It's not a creche.

Notanumber - not if you do it from a "concerned parent and teacher" POV. That you are concerned that it isnt an appropriate space for the children to be and mention insurance etc just to put the wind up the head!

@ val, out of all the posters on MN you are the last person i would ever have expected to hear that particular saying from!!

YANBU - our staffroom is a place where swearing and general filth have been elevated to an artform. I promise that we are all impeccably behaved around the rest of the school but that space is ours, goddammit.

He is BU

Some people cry in the staffroom, some drink strong coffee and gather their strength for the next demand.
Some discuss confidential things about their own families with friends because they are the only other adults you see. Some discuss worries about children in their class and compare info with others that know them to see what might be the next step.
He is being selfish to expect all that to cease because he wants his children to be there.

:o Booy... I'm very careful where I build my house, me! :o

I don't think you're being unreasonable about the situation. However I don't think the swearing is an issue and surely you could refrain from that. I just think adults should be entitled to a child free space. Even if the language is exemplary I am sure there are times when staff want to let of steam about a particular pupil or situation which really should be confidential and not repeated in front of children.

My son comes to meet me at work but sometimes there are sensitive conversations which need to take place and I send him out of the way to watch tv in the canteen (it's empty at that time of day)or something. In my place of work bad language is not acceptable anywhere so that would be challenged irrespective of whether children were present or not.

The children should not be there. I'd get someone else to mention it to the head, focusing on issues like insurance, confidentiality and what would happen if more teacher/parents followed his example.

YUBU, you need to curb your instinct to swear until you get home. You are still at work and children or not, should learn some decorum. BTW DH is a teacher in a secondary school and would never be so uncouth, or so I am told

absolutely agree he is BVU in bringing his children into the staffroom. get him told!

YANBU, it's an adult space so a child coming into an adult space may hear some swearing and adult conversation. It won't kill them

If I took kids into a pub I wouldn't expect others to mind their Ps and Qs in there to protect their delicate sensibilities.

The staffroom is hallowed ground, he has transgressed a very important boundary there.