To not want to moderate my language in front of these children?

[notanumber]

I am a teacher (Secondary in inner London).

Contrary to popular belief, teachers mostly don't clock off at half past three and are in school for a good while after the pupils have left.

This means that for those teachers who are also parents, they cannot collect their children straight from their school but have to make other arrangements with childminders/after school clubs etc.

However, my teaching colleague has children who attend the nearby primary school and he chooses to have his children (about 7 and 9) walk up to the school we teach in and and hang about in the staffroom until he is ready to go (usually about 90 minutes).

The school is short of space, many people don't have their own classrooms, and in any case classrooms are often used after the end of the offical day for twilight or revision lessons.

Therefore, the staffroom is very very busy in the hour or so after the final bell. Lots of people working (marking or planning), some people doing the networking stuff (talking to HOYs about particular pupils, calling parents, discussing upcoming lessons with their department) and others just relaxing and gossiping.

Basically it is full. Full of teachers who have got to the end of the day and dealing with all the stuff they have to do or just blowing off steam.

Teahing is a stressful job and sometimes shouting, "cunting top set year 11 make me want to kill myself!" is necessary to maintain sanity. This is extreme though, but many people do swear and discuss non-child friendly things fairly routinely.

Ok, after all that, here comes the AIBU!

On occasion, when there has been some colourful language the teacherparent
has been known to admonish with, "Language! Do you mind? There are children in here?"

The thing is, there shouldn't be children in the staffroom IMO. The clue is in the name - it's a staffroom, not a crèche.

It is the one space in the school where you can let you guard down and say what you like. especially if it's "after hours".

AIBU to think that if he doesn't want his children to hear "language" then he should make proper arrangements for them?

[scottishmummy]

all staff rooms are swesrie and well good thing too.down time after ahard day.and teachers naturally have a professional persona for parents,children.but that shouldnt extend into children in staff room ongoing basis

[allypall]

A friend of mine works in a school where there is no staff-room swearing or banter allowed - it may well be that your DDs school is the same. Up to the head I guess.

I'm amazed, I suppose, because it's not a cloistered world - there are plenty of depictions of staffrooms on tv shows etc. But I suppose my pov is skewed by being around teachers all the time!

[jenandberry]

My children have grown up being around schools at the end of the school day, although I would not leave them in the staffroom. Not to avoid any swearing but just because I see staffrooms as social areas and I don't really have time after school to sit around and be social - certainly if my children were in school. If they are in school with me it would be because I am in my classroom or office working.

My son now attends the school in which I teach so he tends to go and play sport until about 5pm, he will then do homework in my classroom until about 6pm when I take him home. If he wants a lift into school in the morning he can come in with me and again do homework in the morning. However now that he is well into his teenage years I tend to be at my desk before he has even worken up.

My dd sometimes comes down to see me at the end of the school day rather than walk home, she is at the local primary. I don't see it as free childcare but she is a wannabe teacher and has proven to be a useful source of free labour. She loves nothing more than to put up a display, sharpen pencils, tody my room or organise resources that have become muddled. I am not expecting this to last much longer! Sometimes she turns up and I am in my office working and she knows ( as does my son) that she cannot enter there if I am on the phone or with a parent.

I think the problem with teaching is that it is very difficult to say when your day ends so it can be difficult to keep your working life and home life apart. This is even more the case when you work in a boarding school as I have.

In my present school we do not have a strong staffroom culture and perhaps because of that I have never seen any swearing or hysterical behaviour. But it is a very controlled kind of school, you have to be a certain type to work there. We have faculty staff areas but again my children do not go into those areas unless it is to get a quick drink or water for my plants. My dd finds this unbelievably exciting.

[ChippingInNeedsCoffee]

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[mitochondria]

We don't have children in our staffroom. If anyone needs to bring them in for any reason they sit in an office, or a classroom. Not really because of the swearing, but as others have said, issues of confidentiality.

Totally inappropriate for man to have his children there every day after school, he should make other arrangements.

[vintagesocks]

We couldn't actually see into the staffroom at my secondary school - if you wanted a teacher for some reason and knocked, the cigarette smoke wafted out like brick dust from the opened door.

I'm thinking that at least swearing isn't bad for your lungs (wasn't there some cod research to show that swearing reduces pain, so going ferkity ferkity ferk when you stub your toe is a good thing?) - so that's an improvement!!

Anyway, also bear in mind that teachers aren't supposed to swear in the classroom (my French teacher hadn't read that manual, though!) so they could perhaps be allowed a bit of Anglo-Saxon in the staffroom.

That's the end of my thoughts now :)

[VivaLeBeaver]

I agree the kids shouldn't be there. But I do think YABU to swear if they are there. To be honest there are plenty of adults who don't like hearing swearing. I swear sometimes and at an old job one of my colleagues asked me not to as he didn't like it. I was a bit but he was right.

[gapbear]

The staffroom is a sanctuary.

Not only do teachers / TAs let off steam, but confidential issues to do with children is often discussed in there. It is totally inappropriate for children to be in there.

[cerealqueen]

YANBU - a staffroom is not a place for kids, and you should be allowed to say what you want. If other adults don't like the swearing, that is different. Are you expected not to talk about other issues, ie other student issues which may be confidential, in case they hear?. He is BU, in fact he is taking the piss. He should arrange proper childcare - what if other staff followed his example, the staff room would be an alternative nursery facility.

[lesley33]

I agree that the teacher shouldn't be bringing his boys into the staffroom every day like this.

But I don't accept that because a job is stressful you need to swear. Some staff in our place have very very stressful jobs, but we are not allowed to swear at work, which tbh I think is fair enough for a professional environment.

[Goblinchild]

I think swearing should be illegal and liable to an on the sopt fine of £20, and £50 if directed at someone.
I've just sorted the economy out.

[wellwisher]

It is polite not to swear in front of children, whether or not they "should" be around. If you went to a friend's house for dinner and they let their children stay up late, you would moderate your behaviour and language accordingly. However, I don't understand how a London secondary school doesn't have a more suitable place than the staff room for these children. Why aren't they in the IT suite or the library, or playing outside?

Have skim-read so I'm not sure if this point has already been made, but is there any chance that the children will one day attend the school? If so, it's not appropriate for them to be overhearing staffroom gossip, let alone witnessing the cursing, wailing and gnashing of teeth that (sometimes) goes on. They could end up being taught by you/your colleagues, or overlapping at the school with children whose problems are currently being discussed. Maybe this is an angle you could take?

[notanumber]

The swearing really is not the issue.

Whether or not you swear in your workplace or whether or not you think that there should be any swearing in any workplace, there is swearing in ours. A good bit of it. Those of us who work there are fine with it (and anyone who isn't certainly hasn't articulated any objection).

Tbh, if there were such sensitive flowers that a bit of staffroom effing and blinding would send them into conniptions then there is no way on God's green earth that they'd last five minutes with bottom set year nine. (Sample dialogue: MRS NAN - Open your book Parvatti. PARVATTI: Fuck off)

Additionally, as I said earlier up the thread, it's not as though every sentence is peppered with profanities. It more that it's a big school so someone always has had a tough day. And if there are reports due or departmental reviews coming up then people are a bit more stressed. And any day when Michael Gove has opened his stupid fat mouth is guaranteed to raise the swear quota.

If there were kids in the staffroom as a one-off then I'm sure that everyone would regulate language etc automatically without resentment. It's just that it is every day, which means that the whole staffroom has to adjust its preferred and natural way of behaving and this pisses people off.

Ok, yes, will go to Head. Just wanted to confirm that am not BU before doing so! Though would it be better/fairer to approach colleague first? I do like him and he's a pretty reasonable guy I think.

[TanteAC]

YANBU - staffrooms are sacred, would he bring his kids into a heated debate in a boardroom and admonish people for their language?

We would LYNCH any adult who brought a student/their child into the staffroom. Tis where we take our masks off

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

Kids should not be in the staffroom is the bottom line. Most employers would NOT allow you to bring your kids to the workplace for 90 minutes each day........ Not ideal for the kids either - they should be at home relaxing properly, or at some proper after school club doing appropriate activities.

Agree, staff need somewhere that is just for them - ie the staffroom. While swearing not ideal we all do it at work, albeit very rarely.

[Udderly]

One of my parents taught in the secondary school of the primary school I attended and I had to wait every evening. I was never EVER allowed into the staffroom, I never actually saw the inside of it, it was an adult place for stressed out adults.
I think you are being totally reasonable. In my old workplace I would never swear in front of a customer, but the canteen was fair game.

[lesley33]

YANBU

I know swearing in your workplace is not the issue - fine. But I don't agree it is necessary.

Where I work we do lots of work with what is euphamistically known as disenfranchised families - think underclass. So we are all used to getting sworn at, verbally abused, threatened, etc on a daily basis.

Of course everyone needs time to let off steam. I just don't think that means you NEED to swear as you have implied.

[viewfromawindow]

Our town has the new secondary school opening next Monday (replacement building). They have deliberatly designed it so there is NO staffroom at all!! This is to force the adults in the school to have to mix with the children at lunch and break time. Personally I think it's a mad idea as even teaching staff (who you would think like children!!) need some time away from them....

[mitochondria]

Hmm, that's been designed by someone who isn't a teacher. Or hasn't been a teacher for so long they've forgotten what it's like!

[notanumber]

Ah, the bright saviour of education that is the shiny new academy.

The sponsors know about education, right? I mean, they went to school. It's a brilliant idea to have no staffroom at all, I think it will be huge sucess.

Though I think they've missed a trick by not insisting that teachers take a few kids home with them for tea too. How on earth will they mix properly with only break and lunch?

[tethersend]

YANBU- but when you go to the head, make sure you make it a confidentiality issue, as others have pointed out.

Leaving aside any sensitive discussions about children which may be taking place in the staffroom, there is usually confidential information pinned up/written on whiteboards/on photocopier. This is potentially a very serious issue.

I think it will look more professional than going to the head complaining about not being able to swear- even though it is a fucking necessity

[sunnydelight]

YANBU. I would be tempted to arrange with my colleagues to bring every single teacher's child in to the staffroom every day for a week after school, from babies to surlies, to show your colleague just how selfish it is for one person to assume it's ok to bring children to work.

[Bonsoir]

OP - I don't think there should be children in your staffroom, ever.

I don't think teachers should be swearing in the staffroom, ever.