To not want to moderate my language in front of these children?

[notanumber]

I am a teacher (Secondary in inner London).

Contrary to popular belief, teachers mostly don't clock off at half past three and are in school for a good while after the pupils have left.

This means that for those teachers who are also parents, they cannot collect their children straight from their school but have to make other arrangements with childminders/after school clubs etc.

However, my teaching colleague has children who attend the nearby primary school and he chooses to have his children (about 7 and 9) walk up to the school we teach in and and hang about in the staffroom until he is ready to go (usually about 90 minutes).

The school is short of space, many people don't have their own classrooms, and in any case classrooms are often used after the end of the offical day for twilight or revision lessons.

Therefore, the staffroom is very very busy in the hour or so after the final bell. Lots of people working (marking or planning), some people doing the networking stuff (talking to HOYs about particular pupils, calling parents, discussing upcoming lessons with their department) and others just relaxing and gossiping.

Basically it is full. Full of teachers who have got to the end of the day and dealing with all the stuff they have to do or just blowing off steam.

Teahing is a stressful job and sometimes shouting, "cunting top set year 11 make me want to kill myself!" is necessary to maintain sanity. This is extreme though, but many people do swear and discuss non-child friendly things fairly routinely.

Ok, after all that, here comes the AIBU!

On occasion, when there has been some colourful language the teacherparent
has been known to admonish with, "Language! Do you mind? There are children in here?"

The thing is, there shouldn't be children in the staffroom IMO. The clue is in the name - it's a staffroom, not a crèche.

It is the one space in the school where you can let you guard down and say what you like. especially if it's "after hours".

AIBU to think that if he doesn't want his children to hear "language" then he should make proper arrangements for them?

[ivykaty44]

where I used to work it was common place for the chefs and waiting staff to swear, fuck was used a lot as part of everyday langauge. As long as no one swore at someone it wasn't a problem. No children where allowed in back of house areas -insurance I expect would also be an issue with chefs and knives - chefs sometimes also throw objects at walls so can be dodgy place to be if you are only 4 foot.

I don't think any of the staff would have taken a blind bit of notice if they where asked to stop swearing - infact they may have stopped to laugh

i did once take my dd into work through the back door as I was collecting something - I left her in the tiny staff room - where the waiters where playing cards. the waiters asked me not to ever bring her again as it cost them money, they didn't realise she could play cards (neither did I ) and she wopped them for a stash of money. it wasn't until later the supervisor who was also a friend of mine admitted she had been teaching my dd cards on a joint holiday. The waiters didn't swear in front of children, no idea why not..?

so I guess it depends whether they are insured to be in the staff room, whether swearing is normal practice in this area - if so then why should it stop? and if you have a card ring - be careful dc can play cards don't be fooled

[Salmotrutta]

notanumber -YANBU - staffroom is for staff. I'm very surprised that it is allowed at all.
Each school I've worked in has had very strict rules - no pupils are allowed in there and nobody brings their kids into the staffroom.
Confidentiality is a big deal - you may want to discuss concerns about specific pupils with another staff member, sometimes the staffroom is where meetings are held, staff pigeonholes (with confidential documents) are usually located in the staffroom, and yes swearing/moaning/whingeing about "the usual suspects" is allowed in the staffroom.
Your colleague is the unreasonable one - he is cramping your style, so to speak. The staffroom is an official space for teachers and his kids should not be there.

[celticlassie]

Sorry not read whole thread (but going to do so now but YA Definitely NBU. At the end of the day teachers need a space to vent and if you want to take kids in you have to be prepared for it. If you went to his house, you would not swear in front of his kids but there should not be kids in your workplace

[curlymama]

YANBU, he wouldn't expect to take his children into a bar of an evening and expect the language and conversation to be suitable for children, same goes for this adult only area.

[mrsbumbledosem]

Can't you say something directly to him? Like 'I need to let off steam and I don't want to feel anxious about what I might say. I hope you'll forgive me but can we drop the no swearing comments?'. Children are not stupid anyway they know about swearing. Its not like it's gratuitous or threatening- you are just expressing yourselves. If it were me I'd be well peeved.

[omaoma]

defo got to approach teacher/head or both for quiet word about this. it wouldn't be on for somebody to bring their kids into any work environment for an hour every day until they finished work. well, maybe if you own the business.. but you get my point. either he is there on work time, so can't look after his kids, or he is looking after kids, so shouldn't be using his workspace. gobsmacked the head hasn't already had a problem about it. is he sneaking them in or something???

[omaoma]

also just clocked that the kids are primary school aged, and yours is a secondary school - they don't have any excuse to be in that building outside school hours, even if it was outside the staffroom! it's not appropriate environment on every conceivable level!

[privategodfrey]

Just tell him straight that you (and presumably others) will continue to swear in the staff room and that his children will just have to put up with it. Like it or lump it.

Surely there is somewhere else they can sit and wait for him?

I swear like an absolute bitch at work but never reveal my potty mouth at home

[GKlimt]

Why aren't you talking to the H/T about this? Why is this so difficult? I'm perplexed.

[weegiemum]

I am also a (currently not working as such) secondary teacher and am amazed at how many people think teachers shouldn't swear! Some of the most eloquently fantastic put downs I have ever learned have been in the staff room - particularly from one RE teacher I knew!

My big concern with this is confidentiality, esp as the teacher's kids are at the primary school down the road and is therefore likely in the catchment area - these kids could be hearing stuff about children they know/siblings of friends.

Totally inappropriate - far more so than teachers swearing while in a "child-free" space.

[lazylula]

From my experience, it isn't uncommon for children of teachers to wait at the school until their parents had finished doing whatever. The deputy at the school I worked at did it and so did some of the TA's, but they children were not allowed in the staff room, mainly staying in the parents classroom. In this case, I think that is what should happen as even if you put the swearing issue aside, there is the confidentiality issue to think about, which in my opinion is far more of a worry.

[mumeeee]

YABU, I actually hate swearing myself and don't like to hear people doing it in front of children

[omaoma]

i speak from experience as child of a headteacher that hanging round for 90mins every day in an empty school, when you're 7, is sh*t.

i get that childcare is expensive (pay for it myself, funnily enough) but can't he arrange for a couple of days of childminder, two days going home with different friends, and they wait for him on a friday or something? five days is unfair on the kids, even if it is widely done.

your description of him correcting your language when he is taking advantage of your goodwill in the first place, makes him sound really smug and this more than anything makes him the U one to me!

[UnseenAcademicalMum]

What are your official working hours? If your official hours are until 3.30pm, your colleague is NBU to have his children in the staff room whilst he does some additional (out of hours) work. If your working hours are (as for most people) 37 hours per week, he should make sure he has childcare for that many hours per week.

As a university lecturer, we can be lecturing till 6pm at night (and have no holidays when the undergrads are off). However, I know this goes with the territory so I negogitate with the nursery as and when necessary. If my official working day ended at 3.30, I'm afraid I would be tempted to say that whilst I'm prepared to stay and do the additional work required, I also have responsibilities to my children and I'd want them with me asap.

I have a hard day with undergrads sometimes, but I wait till I'm home to vent that. Perhaps you need to do the same?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Your colleague is frankly taking the piss. His children should not be there. He is IMPOSING on you all. He does not get to call the shots.

I would quietly pull him to one side and point out to him that he needs to make other arrangements before it comes to the Head's attention. Health and safety, insurance issues, confidentiality (I would personally stress that one) yadda yadda if need be; but he really needs to not bring his children into the staffroom. He is in the wrong here.

[omaoma]

next time he complains i would ask him if there's a reason why he doesn't take both his work and his kids home as that would solve the problem for everybody in the room, rather than just for him

[scottishmummy]

yanbu,he needs to make adequate provision.like others do.i also have a stressful job and environment and milieu not suited to schoolchildren.at all

in fairness after day at work op you (and others) have expectation and need of debrief and down time - he is unreasonable away from pupils and a cheap skate

[OliveMalay]

YABU

[scottishmummy]

so the rest of you have school kids in your workplace at 330?and moderate the pace and language so not to upset 7 and 9 yo sensibilities?

this guy is a chancer
and staff room as name suggests is for staff,their down time.not mind your language as parent teacher cannot make adequate provision

[UnseenAcademicalMum]

Actually Pixie, I am not employed till only 3.30, so I ensure that I negotiate childcare accordingly. However, if I were employed till only that time, either that is working hours (and in which case, you should be paid), or is not, in which case you are doing it of your own free will.

I would expect that whether I had my children in work regularly or as a one off, that they would watch their tongue. It's really not that hard. I have many undergrad lectures where I feel like screaming as a result of, but I don't go mouthing off to all and sundry, because that would not be OK, so I choose who I do that with and do it behind closed doors. Teachers are not except from that. Especially not if official working hours are till 3.30pm .

[scottishmummy]

paid a salary make adequate childcare provision.like rest of us