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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be offended that they're going abroad for 6 months..?

244 replies

bigredtractor · 13/02/2011 22:13

Hi, we're expecting, due in Aug - 1st grandchild for PIL ( my parents have both passed away).

PILs have been talking about going travelling in Sept so we wanted to tell them about the baby ASAP (after scan) once we were past the magic 3 months. We were worried they'd book flights etc before they knew.

Anyway, we went over on Friday to tell them face to face, show scan pics etc and MIL was v excited but FIL's first words were 'well we'll leave in October instead".

We were (both) slightly shocked that they'd still plan to go away for 6 months when our baby will be weeks old - no first Xmas together, missing his first months etc. It isn't a special occasion that might fix the travel dates either.

Flights have been booked today so we can't change their minds, but I feel v disappointed in them. DH asked them about missing xmas and their redponse was 'the baby will be more fun when it's older and wont even know'.

I feel sad for DH and a bit resentful now. AIBU?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 13/02/2011 22:16

YABU, yes.

When should they take 6 months to go abroad?

Better for them to be around later on when the baby can get to know them and recognise them.

Kerrianne · 13/02/2011 22:16

YANBU but then nor are they really.

They'll get to hold baby when it's born and make sure you're ok, then they'll be back in plenty of time to be a part of baby's life.

It does suck a bit though.

EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 22:16

YABU. This is your baby, not theirs. I'm sorry, but you can't expect anyone to be as excited as you are. They can't be expected to put their (very exciting) plans on hold for you and your PFB.

Ragwort · 13/02/2011 22:17

Congratulations on your news - just be pleased that you won't have interfering in-laws, have you read some of the threads on here? Grin - this way you can enjoy your lovely new baby all to yourselves Smile.

LessNarkyPuffin · 13/02/2011 22:17

They're supposed to put off their travelling plans to hang around and dote on your DC?

Katey1010 · 13/02/2011 22:18

It won't get any better to go (missing 1st birthday, missing walking, missing first day of school). Actually, I sort of see their point, go now and the DC won't know any different. I understand that it is hard on you so YANBU either.

SlightlyTubbyHali · 13/02/2011 22:19

You are being a bit U, sorry.

The perk of being a grandparent is that when there's a new baby you get to coo at it a bit and then go and have a life.

I'm sure they're very excited for you, but that doesn't mean they need to put their plan on hold.

TrillianAstra · 13/02/2011 22:19

If they did put off travelling, when would be a better time for them to go away for six months? When your baby is 1? 2? Once the baby has gotten to know them, but when 6 months is long enough to forget them again. When the baby is old enough to miss them?

psiloveyou · 13/02/2011 22:19

I do feel for you. But your PILs have a right to live their lives and if they had been planning this trip a while why should they cancel. The baby will only care that you and dh are around for the first few months.
There will be plenty of time for them to get to know your LO when they get back.

BluddyMoFo · 13/02/2011 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kerrianne · 13/02/2011 22:21

To be fair to the OP. Her parents have passed away and this is her PIL's first grandchild. She's going to feel a bit down about them taking so much time away.

There'll be no harm done relationship wise with the baby, but surely people can understand how she feels a teensy bit, no?

AgentZigzag · 13/02/2011 22:21

Disappointed possibly, but not offended, I doubt they're doing it because they don't care.

BluddyMoFo · 13/02/2011 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenightsky · 13/02/2011 22:21

YABU.

6 months away travelling sounds fantastic and I'd go in a heartbeat.

sunnydelight · 13/02/2011 22:22

YABU. The world does not stop because you are having a baby.

trixie123 · 13/02/2011 22:22

To be honest the baby's first six months aren't really that interesting. The developmental milestones are things like teething and weaning which are not that thrilling for anyone other than the parents. DC won't know anything about Christmas at 4 months. Better they go then than when your DC is a toddler and learning to walk, speak etc. If this is something they've been planning for a while I think really you should try to be understanding.

compo · 13/02/2011 22:23

Aw don't worry about it
they'll be around for when your baby is more exciting

scurryfunge · 13/02/2011 22:24

I am sorry but how can you justify asking someone to postpone their life plans just because you are having a baby?

Remember, people have been having babies for some time now and they will be able to catch up on this significant happening a little later.Grin

Enjoy your baby and let them enjoy their plans too.

squeakytoy · 13/02/2011 22:25

They have already said they would delay their trip until the baby was born. YABU

Original poster
bigredtractor · 13/02/2011 22:25

No - I don't expect their lives to revolve around us and you make some valid points about it being more noticeable once the baby us older, but what hurt was:

The fact that it was the first thing he said - literally
That I have no family nearby ( 300+ miles away) and so would have appreciated some support.
Plus that I should imagine that a baby changes more quickly over 6 months when it's younger - but maybe wrong on that score!!

They just seemed to have more excitement about their trip than their first grandchild and I was surprised.

OP posts:
Waswondering · 13/02/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrandyAlexander · 13/02/2011 22:26

Sorry but you need to get a grip! They will be away for 6 months right at the beginning it won't make any difference. Babies don't even do anything at that age/stage anyway.

Vallhala · 13/02/2011 22:27

YABU. These (presumably retired?) people have done their child-rearing and cooed over their own babies. I'm sure they will be delighted at the birth of yours but you can't expect them to put their lives on hold for it... they did that many years ago for their own!

No-one is going to be as overjoyed as you are and you can't expect them to be. You can't get to grandparent age and throw up the chance of 6 months travelling after a lifetime of work and childrearing of your own just because someone else's baby is being born, even if it is that of your son.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/02/2011 22:28

He's a fella! And from a different generation...he is thinking ...Oh nice...a baby...better change the flight then.

He wont be thinking of the "firsts" he may miss.

Don't expect too much help..you may find you get none. I dont.

It will be a very special time with or withut the PILS. Dont worry about it...yu maybe a little bit hormonal and sensitive.

EvilTwins · 13/02/2011 22:28

Perhaps it was the first thing your FIL said because he wanted to reassure you that they would be around for the birth. Sometimes men aren't as sensitive as we'd like them to be.

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