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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think that the MIL is wrong to call me extravagant

150 replies

onceamai · 13/02/2011 08:37

Every time she comes there's a comment about what I'm wearing, how much it cost and a little dig about extravagance. I think I'm quite frugal and buy what I need - bear in mind I have to look decent for work; my mum thinks I should spend a lot more on myself.

We are very comfortable, the dc are 12 and 16, no mortgage and I work full time. In the last 12 months I have spent:

Hair - 400 (3 cut and blow dry, 3 half head highlights)

Make-up - probably about 70.00

Clothes: Per Una outfit 75, Per Una suit 75, 3 per una blouses - 90, 2 per Una tops - 50, East dress - 79, M&S cardigan 25, Kew linen coat 99, M&S skirt - 39.50, Next blouse - 32, Boden top - 59, Van Dal shoes 79, Joseph Sieber comfy sandals 55, Clarks ballet pumps, John Lewis ankle boots 70, Evening shoes 115, outfit from Phase 8 for evenings special occasions - 175, Radly handbag - 120, smart black holdall Oliver Bonas 39. Probably another 100 on underwear and tights.

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 13/02/2011 08:38

PER UNA? YABU.

Fernie3 · 13/02/2011 08:40

I spent £30 on a hair cut my mil thought that was very overpriced - she had hers done for £12. I have no idea how she gets it so cheap. I would say your things are expensive so i would agree with her.
But whose business is it but yours.

cupofteaplease · 13/02/2011 08:40

Well, you've spent more on clothes and hair than I have in the last 12 months, but as you say, you have no mortgage and you work full time, so you are entitled to spend whatever you like!

You can't take it with you, as my Mum would say!

samay · 13/02/2011 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

woollyideas · 13/02/2011 08:45

YANBU - it's not her business. But I don't think you can honestly describe yourself as 'quite frugal'. I mean, £400 on hair... Confused

grumpyhairbear · 13/02/2011 08:47

Its your money so you should do what you like and don't ever feel the need to explain or justify it! What is her problem? She sounds like a pain

alfabetty · 13/02/2011 08:49

Unless you are spending money you don't have, and are getting in to debt, you are not being extravagant.

You can't judge yourself and your lifestyle by anyone else's standard, just whether you are in the black at the end of the month.

I wouldn't dream of justifying how I spend my own money to anyone else, unless I either owed them money or were dependent on them in some way - for example, I can see someone raising an eyebrow if you rely on them for free childcare and then spend your earnings on treats.

SnailWhaleTail · 13/02/2011 08:49

I don't think you're being extravagant at all.

If you spend according to your means and everyone in the family has what they need then it's no ones business but yours.

squeakytoy · 13/02/2011 08:51

Yes, it does sound extravagant, it also sounds more like you posted it as an excuse to brag too.

Hmm
shirazgirl · 13/02/2011 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alfabetty · 13/02/2011 08:53

Getting specific, I don't think £400 a year on haircut/colour is extravagant!

And the clothes, over a year, for a working woman who needs to look smart, is pretty reasonable by anyone's standards.

But that said, it really is no-one else's business... Wink

Although I know my MIL takes the view that I'm spending DH's money (even when I worked full-time), and I think that's a bit of a generational thing.

traceybath · 13/02/2011 08:54

Its your money but that is quite a lot - did smile at you regarding yourself as frugal.

I mean I know I'm fairly extravagant and so would never describe myself as frugal.

And do upgrade from per una Wink

Megatron · 13/02/2011 08:55

Buy what you like, it's your money.

How on earth would you be able to list every single item you have bought yourself over the last 12 months, do you keep an inventory? Grin

That amount would be extravagent for me but as I said, it's your money and nothing to do with MIL.

TallulahDoesTheHula · 13/02/2011 08:55

I think whatever you wore or spent she would say it's exteavagent, some people just think like that.
I get my haircut every 6 weeks £35 a time and I spend more than you on clothes but I'm a sahm with a big mortgage!
We can afford it though so no one elses business tbh!
Maybe you should put it back on her.. Whenever she comments maybe you should act pleased that she has noticed and encourage her to treat herself more as she deserves it/doesn't make enough of herself etc.
Chances are she is reflecting how she feels about herself with her comments rather than about you iyswim

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2011 08:55

Yabu wearing per una

onimolap · 13/02/2011 08:57

Whether or not you see yourself as extravagant, your MIL sees you like that and does not see anything wrong in saying so.

She is not going to change her opinion, or her voicing of it. It is up to you to decide how you live with it. For the sake of family harmony, I'd recommend ignoring.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 13/02/2011 08:57

When the OP says "frugal" perhaps she means she has to spend a certain amount on looking good for her job, but only lives on value beans on toast? :)

Shes only listed clothes spending, she could easily be frugal with the other million things that people need to eat/use/do

traceybath · 13/02/2011 08:57

Oh 12 months - I thought that was the last month and was a bit Shock

For 12 months thats fine - fairly frugal I think but this is mn where people only buy one pair of knickers every 5 years Wink

DrNortherner · 13/02/2011 08:58

Doesn't sound extravagant to me at all, you can afford it so there is no problem.

However love, step away from the Per Una. It's not stylish and it's not clever Grin

Misfitless · 13/02/2011 08:58

what shirazgirl says.

You are not frugal, but who cares?

You really don't need to list all your purchases here, you know!

Can I suggest that if you reel them off in that fashion to your MIL, including all the prices of what you've bought you'll be fuelling the fire, and she might also think it's her right to ask you how much things cost and where you bought them.

Personally I hate it when people tell me how much things cost if they're expensive and I hate it when people ask.

I spend almost nowt on myself because I have nowt and I would only dream of saying how much something cost if I got a bargain eg

'I like your new coat misfitless'
'Thanks, it only cost £12 in the sale!'

RMCW · 13/02/2011 08:58

Its your money.

Do what you want with it.

traceybath · 13/02/2011 08:58

I'd also make a big thing to your mil about how much you spend and in fact treble the cost of everything - just for fun Smile

belgo · 13/02/2011 08:59

Extravagene is all relative. Compared to 50/60 years ago, we are all living in a very extravagant society.

rathlin · 13/02/2011 09:00

Over one year, this is not much spent on clothes. I think it is quite a bit of hair - I would personally have bought more clothes rather than spend £400 on hair Grin

Fiddledee · 13/02/2011 09:01

Just lie say its from a charity shop. Very weird you know what you have spent in the last 12 months

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