aibu to think that the MIL is wrong to call me extravagant

[onceamai]

Every time she comes there's a comment about what I'm wearing, how much it cost and a little dig about extravagance. I think I'm quite frugal and buy what I need - bear in mind I have to look decent for work; my mum thinks I should spend a lot more on myself.

We are very comfortable, the dc are 12 and 16, no mortgage and I work full time. In the last 12 months I have spent:

Hair - 400 (3 cut and blow dry, 3 half head highlights)

Make-up - probably about 70.00

Clothes: Per Una outfit 75, Per Una suit 75, 3 per una blouses - 90, 2 per Una tops - 50, East dress - 79, M&S cardigan 25, Kew linen coat 99, M&S skirt - 39.50, Next blouse - 32, Boden top - 59, Van Dal shoes 79, Joseph Sieber comfy sandals 55, Clarks ballet pumps, John Lewis ankle boots 70, Evening shoes 115, outfit from Phase 8 for evenings special occasions - 175, Radly handbag - 120, smart black holdall Oliver Bonas 39. Probably another 100 on underwear and tights.

If you don't look right in many jobs you earn less money. Studies even show women who don't wear make up on average earn less. So if you spent less (and for women in the City interested in clothes etc those sums are very very small changes, laughably low) you might earn more.

Don't let it bother you. It's not her money. May be you earn more than the motehr in law. Perhaps respond with - I am sure it is a small proportion of my earned income than you spend.

Van dal shoes and Per Una - YABU

As others have said it's all relative. The fact you can list it all shows you must keep track which is better than my DSis who spend money like water and then suddenly goes on an economy drive which means no smoked salmon!

It doesnt matter if you spent £100 or £1000, it has nothing at all to do with your mother in law.

Next time she askes how much something costs just say "oh I can't remember" and change the subject.

Xenia is right - you should send a certain percentage of your income on looking right if you are in a professional role and £400 a year if you have, for example, highlights, is only a quarterly haircut and highlights.

YANBU to spend your money how you want - if you can afford it and you want to, go for it.

You are not frugal though. Neither am I!

YABOS - over sensitive - about your MIL though. Apart from the odd comment or dig, she hasn't exactly done anything wrong. Maybe she isn't intending to be horrid, but is just mentally comparing to what she had when she was your age.

I might go for a "can't remember, why do you ask?"

Doll, your mil is trying to find a polite way of making you rethink your Per Una habit. You must look awfully frilly and frumpy.

I was in Per Una when visiting London in January, and it hasn't changed. I was still browsing together with 70 year olds.....

If you need to look smart for work, you should definitely stay clear of Per Una. It is anything but smart. I really hope you dont work in Advertising or Marketing, or any job where Branding and brand awareness, or even selling yourself is important features....

YANBU to spend your money on what you want.

To me it seems an awful lot and would do a whole summer warddrobe for £50! but thats because its all I can afford.

I would say though if your in a job that requires £75 suits then the job probably pays well enough for you to afford that iyswim?

Its all relative IMO and IME.

whispers I quite like Per Una.

As long as you aren't asking her for money why should she care?

How do you remember everything you've bought? I'm impressed!

But seriously, it's none of the mil's business how you spend your money. It's not like you're buying clothes at the expense of feeding her grandchildren.. tell her to bog off.

Why does everyone on here hate Per Una? I occasionally buy Per Una clothes. I also spend about £400 over 12 months having my hair done - cut and colour every 5 - 6 weeks. I have short hair and if I leave it for longer than 6 weeks it looks terrible.

My MIL always takes the joy out of spending money on anything by complaining about the cost. I once made a cake using 3 eggs and she said it was an expensive cake!!! She is a pensioner BTW, but that really took the biscuit (or the cake).

I also think that nice hair makes far more difference to how you look than an expensive outfit - well it does in my case.

Yanbu to spend your money how you choose.

Yabu to call her 'the' mil, it sounds disrespecful (irl anyway)

I look smart for work and I shop in charity shops. So it does seem extravagent to me, but it's none of my business.

For a person of your means - full time work, only two dcs, no mortgage - there is nothing unreasonable about your outgoings. Stop wth the Per UNa though - it's all awful. I like the Autograph stuff though.

I know my mil thinks I spend too much on the dcs - but she never says so. THat's fine with me.

I agree that £400 a year on hair is probably about average if you have to have regular highlights. I cut can cost about £40, depending on where you live.

I would kick the Per Una habit though, mind you, if you bought those outfits its Boden you would probably spend about £4,000 a year Seriously though, Ive never seen anything age appropriate I like in there.

It is your money and you are mortgage free and work hard for it. You shouldnt have to justify it. My mum is the same, I just half everything or, tell her I got it in the sales!!

Sounds cheap to me. It's not about clothes you don't know how people spend their money.

I have friends who don't buy clothes but eat out three times a week, have sky, a cleaner etc

I spend about 5k a year on clothes (well I do if I can find them). eBay old ones and raise about 2k so that's 3k.

A cleaner every week and sky would cost more than that but I have neither of tons. It's my choice and it's your choice.

Tons is those grrr iPad

YANBU, I would defo wind her up and stick an extra 0 on the end of any price when she has a dig, say, 'what this little thing? It only cost £xxx. It's a bargain don't you think?'

She sounds pretty jealous and po faced to me, have some fun with it and don't take it to heart.

That is not a lot to spend on cut and highlights for the year to be honest. ( i charge a lot more )

I think your mil has no right to comment, next time she asks how much an item of clothing is, just say "oh well i found it in a skip, so it was free!"

per una, east, kew - that is a fashion axis of evil

Some new definition of the word frugal that I havn' previously come across - but that's irrelevant.

Can't decide which is more bizarre - that you MIL feels she has a right to comment and thinks you should spend less, that you can list what you've bought, or that you say that your mother thinks she has a right to comment and thinks you should spend more!

What is per una? Shall google and return! :)

Your money, your choice. Your MIL probably belongs to the generation who grew up with less nice stuff - are you sure she wouldn't like you to treat her occasionally? Maybe she's looking at your shopping habit with a bit of envy?

At least you know she thinks you look classy and expensive, as opposed to frumpy/down-at-heel!

That does seem a lot on hair to me, but hey it isn't any of my business, nor your MILs!

The clothes I don't think is an extravagant amount at all.

I'd probably go with the exaggerating plan too myself. Tell her you've decided to start treating yourself to designer clothes this year.