to think ds teacher is a bitch?

[bettywobble]

Ds is autistic in a mainstream school, and has 2 full time support teachers. On friday he cae home with the class prize, and I had no idea he was getting it, and he was upset I wasnt in assembly to see him. He has a "hoe school" book which is basically a comunication book between school and home, and I was a bit upset it wasnt mentioned in there so I wrote a small comment in the book thaat maybe if there is a next tie it could be mentioned in this book. Got said book back home tonight with a snotty message in it saying the communication book wa not for this purpose and it would be far too time consuming to write things like this in it. I went straight back to school to have a word with the class teacher who had written this, and was basically told to bugger off in a more polite way!!! She aid there is no time to write these things in the book (I pointed out that if between 3 teachers they find it too time consuming to write a sentence then I a a bit worried). I pointed out that the book doesnt come home evry night a it is meant to, and she said "well it doesnt come back from home all the tie either" to which I pointed out I am pregnant and VERY forgetful, and they are being paid to write in this book and send it home. She was having none of it, and tried to talk right over me, then in the end just said "right" and walked away.
Am I being paranoid or was she being a cow??? She maybe doesnt like me to start with as I found my son almost out of the school gate as the support teacher was nowhere to be seen and his class teacher just let him go, and I complained.

OP YABVU to call the teacher a 'bitch' - even if it is just on Mumsnet, this is a public arena and I don't think that it portrayed you in the best light. A person going about their job as well as they can does not deserve abuse online any more than in person. (Poss exception for very zealous traffic wardens, but even then, it's just their job)

If the point of being in mainstream is to be integrated fully and have a totally 'normal' experience then the usual experience for us is that at ds'school the home school book is rarely written in- often it is just a generic typed note to all parents stuck in. If ds is given a prize or put in the 'good news book' it is rare to hear about it before the event and it's unheard of for parents to go into the school assembly for any reason, except at Christmas.

It's great for your son to get a prize - good for him!- but why is it so bad for that to happen for him without your presence?

I have also never known of a situation where a child with a statement has any more than one TA? In secondary school the TA would also often not just sit one to one with the statemented child all lesson, but work with a small group within the class, or withsraw a small group. If said statemented child is getting on fine with the work, the TA will get up and move about and help others. I think there are different schools of thought on this one and even across secondaries things vary but in fifteen years I've only once known a TA to sit purely with the statemented child throughout the lesson, and the child in question had serious physical difficulties, and was wheelchair bound, due to cerebral palsy.

Overall I think it is often frustrating for parents, SN or no, dealing with schools and teachers. No school or teacher is perfect all the time. BUT it sounds as though your son has good support and is getting on well (hence the prize) so I think YABU to get so angry with this teacher.

Exactly Pointylug!

My DD (NT) was upset for the first few months of school that everyone in her class had had a certificate in assembly apart from her. She was in tears on several occasions, and really couldn't understand why she hadn't had one - she actually started questioning if the teacher didn't like her or thought she was naughty.

Then she got a certificate. She was given it in assembly and I didn't know about it. But it didn't matter - she came sprinting out of school with it held high, she was so pleased. Didn't occur to me to think about the assembly - I was so pleased to congratulate DD there and then.

I understand its a different situation with an autistic child. However, I think you should concentrate on enjoying your DS's achievement, and wait until you have calmed down, and then arrange a meeting with the school about whether communication can be improved.

the communication book is for communication. Winning the class prize is a pretty big deal and could easily have been communicated to the op via the book which is used for ...communication. The OP made a comment in the book, the teacher wrote a sarky comment back stating that they didn't have time to write in it. OP's son has TA support - no excuse for not using the book. When the OP went in to speak to the teacher the teacher spoke over her and walked away - so rude and unprofessional in any circumstances! I'm with the OP.

So cornsilk it's just fine to publicly call someone a 'bitch' is it??

she hasn't - isn't this site anonymous?

YANBU. and am a little shocked by some of the reactions. I think people are not taking into account the reason why pupils with A.S.D often have homeschool books. They are not just for academic issues, but are essential in cases where there might be communication difficulties, for many reasons.
Yes, it is part of their job to let you know what is happening. This is standard practice in specialist schools.

Not being rude didn't get the OP an invitation to the assembly - so being rude to the teacher - if she was- hasn't actually lost her anything.

The teacher insulted the parent by saying I didn't have enough time to tell you something.

How do people usually feel if they are told - well I didn't have enough time for you - it will get parents backs up and they will go away thinking the teachers doesn't see them or there dc as worthy of time spent on them.

it doesn't forge very good relations between teacher and parents. I am sure things work all round better if parents and teachers work together and forge good relations as it will help and assist the children.

Can you imagine going into a cafe and the waitress serving everyone else but you and then you say excuse me what about me - then the waitress say oh I haven't got enough time for you. You wouldn't be to happy and it would get your goat,especially if your hungry.

Perhaps the OP hasn't handled the situation very well - but she hasn't had the training to handle the situation, it should have been the teachers handling the situation even when it went wrong so that a good outcome was achieved for the child.

Agree with those who say whether YABU or YANBu depends on what is normal.

Ds would be absolutely devastated if I had not been there to see him get a prize if parents were usually invited.

However at his school parents are not invited into the weekly assembly where duch rewards are given out, so we think nothing of it.

But how was the outcome bad for the child? The child has done well and been rewarded, sounds good to me. Has two TAs apparently, sounds great!

Don't know why I am getting so cross about this thread, can see both sides, but I think calling a teacher a bitch is just beyond the pale, it's not a particularly anonymous forum cornsilk, it's an open forum in a public place, ie on the Internet where anyone can see it, and either the OP or the teacher could be 'recognised'. I just think it's wrong to abuse people in this way.

I can't see anywhere that it is usual for OP's school to invite prizewinners' parents to assembly. (Sorry if I missed it)

If it's not their usual practice, the YABU to expect it to be different for you.

Maybe your boy only knew he'd won the prize on the day he got it?

Your DS's teacher obviously thought you were overreacting, and unreasonable, as she walked away from you rather than engage at your level. Maybe she walked away from you rather than saying something unconstructive?

I say this because, from your posts, you do rather seem to be a person who is always in the right (for example, it's apparently ok for you to forget the book, but not for the school)

Being the Mum of a kid with SN doesn't mean you're entitled to be right all the time, about every little thing concerning your DS.

Try to celebrate his prize, instead of making a big fuss about how you weren't included in it.

Having read this thread, it is so much about your own feelings, and not your son's at all. And you might possibly have made enemies of three people who want nothing but to help your son. Just because they're not that fond of you, doesn't mean to say they're not busting a gut to help him.

YANBU.

You should have been informed about the assembly, but teachers are only human and make mistakes. She should have apologised. No wonder you are disappointed and angry.

Some teachers do happen to be cows. Luckily, not many, but it seems that this one is.

MY DS's school also has home school diaries. If all is going well I don't worry if it doesn't come home every night, but if there are any problems I expect it to always come home. If my child was autistic I would expect effective use of the diary on a daily basis.

Wow, I've only read to page 3 and I'm not sure I can cope with your manic laughter any longer OP - I think your arse has been off for quite some time now.

YABU, and you sound absolutely horrible.

YWNBU to mention that in future you would like things such as this to be recorded. YWBU in every other way, how you dealt with it and your reaction to others on this thread.

And I don't think this is the place to call the teacher a bitch, after all you have given enough detail for her to recognise herself and the situation and possibly others. You do sound like the kind of person who would be publicising all the teacher's faults at the school gate.

with an autistic child they should be on the ball about his needs - this incident highlights that they aren't. speak to the head and showhithe communication book/run through the whole convosation too as that in itself is unacceptable. teacher should have taken your problem on the nose and discussed how it could be delt with better next time. teacher sounds defensive. you really need the class teacher and TA's to use the communication book properly.

Bettywobble, YABU. I only read the first few posts but that was enough for me - you sound like a thoroughly rude and unpleasant individual.

"to which I pointed out I am pregnant and VERY forgetful"

Well that's game set and match then isn't it?what a reasonable argument from your P.O.V. and you presented it to her so politely as well.
Of course yabu here.

I like that everyone who disagrees with your POV is wrong, OP. Why even bother posting if you're not willing to listen to other opinions?

it doesn't sound like the right school for an autistic dc really

How is it that on such a long thread, with so much shouting and blustering from the OP, there is still no answer to the question that so many have raised? Is it the norm in this school for parents to know in advance of this minor prize and is it the norm for them to attend the assembly?

I attend weekly assemblies at the local school to play the piano for them, Stars of the week are announced at this assembly, but noone knows who it will be till the teacher announces it, not even the head. Maybe they are chosen on the day in your sons school? As a mum who had a statemented child all through their education there can be stresses all round, best to take a deep breath and count to ten, teachers can have bad days too!

FWIW I have never been present when my child has received an award. These are given out in school assemblies at lunch time. Parents' assemblies happen once or twice a year per year group - and then any parents who want to are there.