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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think ds teacher is a bitch?

215 replies

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 16:46

Ds is autistic in a mainstream school, and has 2 full time support teachers. On friday he cae home with the class prize, and I had no idea he was getting it, and he was upset I wasnt in assembly to see him. He has a "hoe school" book which is basically a comunication book between school and home, and I was a bit upset it wasnt mentioned in there so I wrote a small comment in the book thaat maybe if there is a next tie it could be mentioned in this book. Got said book back home tonight with a snotty message in it saying the communication book wa not for this purpose and it would be far too time consuming to write things like this in it. I went straight back to school to have a word with the class teacher who had written this, and was basically told to bugger off in a more polite way!!! She aid there is no time to write these things in the book (I pointed out that if between 3 teachers they find it too time consuming to write a sentence then I a a bit worried). I pointed out that the book doesnt come home evry night a it is meant to, and she said "well it doesnt come back from home all the tie either" to which I pointed out I am pregnant and VERY forgetful, and they are being paid to write in this book and send it home. She was having none of it, and tried to talk right over me, then in the end just said "right" and walked away.
Am I being paranoid or was she being a cow??? She maybe doesnt like me to start with as I found my son almost out of the school gate as the support teacher was nowhere to be seen and his class teacher just let him go, and I complained.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:49

megatron-dont worry, I am not upsetting myself at all. At the end of the day its nameless posts from nameles faces. My dh and I are just sitting reading through!

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 08/02/2011 17:49

Betty I can understand how upset you are at missing your son getting his prize.

The school should have let you know, and I think the teacher was being unreasonable in her written response to you. If she had just written "sorry, will make sure you are informed next time" you wouldn't have been upset and gone into school. The teacher is paid to do a professional job and I think she has let you down.

As a professional, even if you were a little "het up" when you spoke to her, she should have risen above it, apologised for not letting you know, and said it wouldn't happen again. She should also have been very aware of the importance of this prize, for you and your son.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:49

ohnono- Oh dear. No I'm posting as I wait for my tea to cook to pass the time!

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:50

quicklookbusy thanks :)

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 08/02/2011 17:50

ffs Betty is pregnant, has a special needs child and is pissed off. Don't any of you have any empathy????

taintedpaint · 08/02/2011 17:50

betty, I'm trying to be nice, but please have a read back over your posts. I understand you're upset, but the person seemingly spoiling for a fight here is you. People have tried to help you, just because some responses have been critical, that doesn't make people horrible or just looking for an argument.

This is clearly bothering you, you might be best reposting in SN when you've had a chance to meet with the HT.

catzcream · 08/02/2011 17:51

OP - you are equally spoiling for a fight. If you want to avoid going that route, then my advice is to ignore the posters you think are 'spoiling for a fight' and instead respond to those who are posting more constructively (as I think many are)

Right now, you are instrumental in your thread heading the way it is.

No one will blame you for being upset about this, it is more the way you are coming across about the whole matter.

Megatron · 08/02/2011 17:52

Quicklookbusy lots of us may have been a very similar position and dealt with them differently. The OP has asked for opinions and she has had some very valid suggestions on here.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:53

I don't ind the posts that have a difference in opinion to mine, its just a bit annoying when a lot of the posters cant be othered to ead the op properly and say thing like "the teacher has more than my son to teach" or I actually called the teacher a bitch to her face etc etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:54

excuse the typos, I have a dodgy keyboard!

OP posts:
taintedpaint · 08/02/2011 17:54

Megatron, betty needs to realise that even critical posts are trying to help her, I don't think she's got that thus far. Which is understandable, considering she's worked up before she's even posted, but there is some very useful information being offered up, and it would be a shame for it to go to waste.

ohnono · 08/02/2011 17:54

QLB - lots of people are pregnant, and/or have sn children and/or any number of other problems yes of course we can empathise but none of thosethings give the person licence to behave badly to anyone who disagrees with them

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:54

And yes, there have been many posters with comments that are helpful :)

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 08/02/2011 17:55

Betty I can kind of understand how you feel about uncommunicative school - I have a 5 year old DD (NT) and have attended Open Teatime today to be told she hasnt eaten a thing at lunch since starting in September!! Nice of them to let me know! I wondered why she has been ravenous at home!

But you are being quite rude to some of the posters on here....

Fimbo · 08/02/2011 17:56

I only laugh as this thread has gone the same way as so many...people offer opinions good and bad, then you get the inevitable ones who only post for an argument! It is quite amusing.

Mmmmm, pot, kettle, black spring to mind.

altinkum · 08/02/2011 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 08/02/2011 17:57

My DD has had plenty of things happen which have not been mentioned...it's a case of not broken don't fix it. My DD usually tells me if she's had a prize...your son told you..perhaps they knew he would?

wannaBe · 08/02/2011 17:57

op -

You seem to think that you're being perfectly reasonable on this thread. And that you've not been rude/unpleasant/sarcastic.

The thing is, written communication is widely open to interpretation because the screen (or page) does not convey emotion.

The reality is that in your written communications on this thread you do come across as extremely agressive, and objectionable. Maybe that's not your intention, but that's how it appears. Therefore, if you write in the h/s book in the same way as you write on this thread, it is also possible that the teacher thinks you come across as extremely agressive. Also to march back to the school to confront the teacher straight away does indicate that you were not happy and perhaps were not in the correct frame of mind for a rational discussion.

If the communication book is there for all communication then it is not unreasonable to expect it to be filled in correctly. If you are not happy with that then perhaps you do need to try and have a rational discussion with the senco and/or the head about this matter.

However, being the parent of a disabled child does not give you licence to address people however you want. The teachers in question here are all human beings who still deserve to be treated and addressed in a decent manner, even if your child is disabled.

And being pregnant is not an excuse for anything - pregnancy is not an illness.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:58

oh dear god........

OP posts:
Childlinechick · 08/02/2011 17:59

Do all parents get notified when their dc gets an award?
If they do, yanbu.
But if that is not the norm, then yabu.
They usually rotate prizes/certificates to ensure all get a chance

hmc · 08/02/2011 17:59

Betty - a word to the wise. Have only read first few posts on this thread (and was dismayed by some of the comments) - think you would have got more helpful responses posting this under SEN

Louii · 08/02/2011 17:59

YANBU, ffs you have a child with autism, it's hardly to much to ask that they let you know that he has won a prize, of course it should have been written in his book.

If they can miss out something which is obviously important to him and you then what other things do they not have enough time to write in it.

Sounds like the teacher does not have much of a clue how to deal with children with additional needs.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:01

hmc :)
louii :)

OP posts:
Fimbo · 08/02/2011 18:01

At my local junior school, there is a cup which the children get to keep for a week for good work in class. It is one cup between all the year groups. The headteacher decides who gets the cup during assembly after the teachers have nominated the child from their class. It is not really a big deal thing....

wannaBe · 08/02/2011 18:02

if op had posted "Ibu to be upset that this wasn't written in ds' communication book," she would have got a vastly different response.

but this isn't about the book - the thread is ibu to think ds' teacher is a bitch. A bitch? for not writing in a book? let's get some perspective here...