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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think ds teacher is a bitch?

215 replies

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 16:46

Ds is autistic in a mainstream school, and has 2 full time support teachers. On friday he cae home with the class prize, and I had no idea he was getting it, and he was upset I wasnt in assembly to see him. He has a "hoe school" book which is basically a comunication book between school and home, and I was a bit upset it wasnt mentioned in there so I wrote a small comment in the book thaat maybe if there is a next tie it could be mentioned in this book. Got said book back home tonight with a snotty message in it saying the communication book wa not for this purpose and it would be far too time consuming to write things like this in it. I went straight back to school to have a word with the class teacher who had written this, and was basically told to bugger off in a more polite way!!! She aid there is no time to write these things in the book (I pointed out that if between 3 teachers they find it too time consuming to write a sentence then I a a bit worried). I pointed out that the book doesnt come home evry night a it is meant to, and she said "well it doesnt come back from home all the tie either" to which I pointed out I am pregnant and VERY forgetful, and they are being paid to write in this book and send it home. She was having none of it, and tried to talk right over me, then in the end just said "right" and walked away.
Am I being paranoid or was she being a cow??? She maybe doesnt like me to start with as I found my son almost out of the school gate as the support teacher was nowhere to be seen and his class teacher just let him go, and I complained.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:03

fibmbo its slightly different for a statmented child, but thanks.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 08/02/2011 18:04

YABU.

She's not a bitch. She made a mistake, assuming parents are usually invited to watch the assembly if their child gets a prize.

mumbar · 08/02/2011 18:04

OK, betty maybe telling teacher she is paid to write in the book was a little U.

But I can see your point. If your DS has 2 TA there to support him then their responsibility is to see all his needs are met. And when this is praise and certificates and chance make a big fuss over him then they should have informed you if its normal for parents to attend and watch these assemblies.

I work as an LSA in a special school. We are as responsible for the teacher that home/school books are written in. Often at the end of a day the person who has worked with a pupil a lot will write a comment, or has been with the pupil when they made a great acheivement will write it.

For those getting shirty with the OP, perhaps instead of pulling the op up on her angriness/ agression try empathising with her. She wants an inclusive education for her DS and expects those paid to give him that (2 support teachers) to fullfil those requirements.

betty I think when your less angry you need a proper chat with DS teacher and be honest with her but not accusational.

claig · 08/02/2011 18:05

YANBU. You were spot on, well done for having it out with the teacher. Maybe she will now think twice and notify you of big events like that?

SoupDragon · 08/02/2011 18:05

I understood where eyou were coming from and what the problem was when I read your op. Unfortunately, having seen how you replied here, I am wondering whether you came across as really arsey to the teacher and this put her back up.

Megatron · 08/02/2011 18:06

That's what I was trying to say taintedpaint, I didn't mean to come across as saying the critical posts didn't raise valid points, because I think they did.

I only really see this thread going one way now don't you? Confused

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:06

mumbar thanks. I will try another meeting with the teacher at some point, just gets a bit annoying when this is the third time I have mentioned about the book.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:09

soupdragon I dint come across as anything like that (so I did on here, apologies, I was pissed off by then). The teacher was the one with the attitude, and even if she didnt like what I was saying, she didnt really act overly preofessionally imo.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/02/2011 18:09

If you have a chat with the teacher about it again, start of with something like "Im sorry you thought I was being unreasonable abbot the book before, but DS was very upset that I wasn't there blah blah blah" NB that you are not actually apologising for anything. Then calmly say what you and your DS need to hav e written in the book.

OffToNarnia · 08/02/2011 18:09

Have a relaxing glass of wine Betty!! Wine
Good luck with the teacher. Keep calm... Deep breaths!

Megglevache · 08/02/2011 18:10

That's brilliant about your son winning the prize Betty,what an acheivement!

I would've been miffed if I was you.

Hope you sort out the communication issue soon.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 08/02/2011 18:10

The whole point of a communication book is to...

wait for it...

shock horror...

communicate

Now, those of us who have children who require a communication book know that one of the reasons they need this is they are not always capable of telling us everything we need to know.

So it is written down in the book so that parents and teachers/TAs are working together and share all relevent information.

Making sure the parent knows that an award is being presented is absolutely what the communication book is for.

I think, betty, that you should request a meeting with the SENCO to discuss this.

It has the potential to become a breakdown in the relationship between you and the teacher (been there!) and it's best to address it sooner rather than later.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:13

Thank you all! ps will have cup of tea coz even smelling wine makes me feel ill right now!!

OP posts:
OffToNarnia · 08/02/2011 18:14

oops ..forgot you were pregnant..Sorry!

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:16

I'll have a (massive) bar of choc to make up for it!!

OP posts:
mumbar · 08/02/2011 18:17

Quite hectate

I work with autistic children (SEN school)

Its great that the teacher has recognised that DS has done something wonderful and given him a certificate but she shoud realise it is a big deal to betty too.

It always amazes me how everyone spouts out about parents working with teachers/TAs/school but how when parents expect it vice versa they are BU Confused

cobbledtogether · 08/02/2011 18:20

I agree totally that the communication book is for this kind of communication, but as to whether the teacher is a bitch Hmm I'd need to understand the circumstances better as this is obviously a bit one sided.

I'd really have to know what the "small comment" you wrote in the book was and what the "snotty message" she wrote back was. Lets face it, if your small message was actually quite snotty then it may explain why the teacher was a bit irked.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 08/02/2011 18:21

I know.

When either of my children get an award I am jumping for joy with a grin so wide it splits my face in two Grin

If I found out I'd missed it because their TA hadn't put a note in the book, I'd be gutted.

And bloody furious.

I'm not saying I'd make them give it again the following assembly, but... Wink

maryz · 08/02/2011 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:22

Just to point out though, the TA's are great, it was just the fact that ds teacher knew how much it means to him getting a prize, and last year I was told everything like this in his book (different teacher) and when I went in to say I was a bit upset that she felt it took up too much time to let me know, her attitude was basically along the lines of "we dont have time to write this in his book" (which we agreed was for this exact purpose), and when I tried to tell her why I felt it important that I knew, she talked completely over the top of me and walked away.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:24

cobbledtogether I only wrote that maybe next time if ds was to get a prize it could be noted in his book as it had been in the past so I could make a point of being at the prize giving as they know how it affects him if I am not. I made sure it wasnt nasty, sarky or whatever, as I didnt want to have her thinking I was being a cow, and I actually had 2 different people read it just incase!

OP posts:
Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:25

MARYZ AND HECATE THANKS :)
ooops sorry for caps lock...

OP posts:
KarmaDevil · 08/02/2011 18:26

YANBU The teacher should realise how important it would be for you to know what your son's achieved. Especially as he has 2 full time teachers to support him alone! Jeez my daughter is in a class of 15 with the class teacher and TA and they manage to send letters home to tell me if my dd is getting an award in assembly. Can't be too hard to write a sentence in a book can it. Hmm The way she dealt with it wasn't very professional either.

Original poster
bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:27

thanks karmadevil
I guess all teachers work differently :)

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 08/02/2011 18:28

I did come across a hateful teacher years ago.

She seemed to loathe having a child with sn in the class. Never interacted with him, passed everything to the TAs, wasn't interested at all. Out and out lied to us more than once.

Oh, and it turned out my son was being babysat in the office on regular basis (more than once or twice each week )while the TA funded for him on his statement was being diverted by the teacher to work with small groups and shit like that.

I know all this because his TA was so upset by the way my kids were being treated by that school that she showed up on our doorstep one night.

So I know that sometimes teachers can be bitches.

I'm not saying this is the case here, because there just isn't the information. Just saying it can happen.