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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think ds teacher is a bitch?

215 replies

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 16:46

Ds is autistic in a mainstream school, and has 2 full time support teachers. On friday he cae home with the class prize, and I had no idea he was getting it, and he was upset I wasnt in assembly to see him. He has a "hoe school" book which is basically a comunication book between school and home, and I was a bit upset it wasnt mentioned in there so I wrote a small comment in the book thaat maybe if there is a next tie it could be mentioned in this book. Got said book back home tonight with a snotty message in it saying the communication book wa not for this purpose and it would be far too time consuming to write things like this in it. I went straight back to school to have a word with the class teacher who had written this, and was basically told to bugger off in a more polite way!!! She aid there is no time to write these things in the book (I pointed out that if between 3 teachers they find it too time consuming to write a sentence then I a a bit worried). I pointed out that the book doesnt come home evry night a it is meant to, and she said "well it doesnt come back from home all the tie either" to which I pointed out I am pregnant and VERY forgetful, and they are being paid to write in this book and send it home. She was having none of it, and tried to talk right over me, then in the end just said "right" and walked away.
Am I being paranoid or was she being a cow??? She maybe doesnt like me to start with as I found my son almost out of the school gate as the support teacher was nowhere to be seen and his class teacher just let him go, and I complained.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 08/02/2011 18:28

If it didn't do part of my job and then told the person on the receiving end that I was to busy to do that part of my job as it is to time consuming - I would be being UR - it is my job whether time consuming or quick to do I have to do all of my job and not make excuses for not doing.

We can't pick and choice to do parts of our job due to taking up time.

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 18:31

hecate-that sounds terrible! Your poor son, I can iagine how you felt.
ivykaty44 thanks, I guess I just felt puzzled as to why she decided she had no time to tell me about his prize :(

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 08/02/2011 18:34

Yes.

After the lovely TA came to our house and told us everything, put it this way - that teacher is lucky that my husband is well trained in control & restraint. Wink

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 08/02/2011 18:47

I am a TA and specifically employed to look after a child with ASD and specific language impairment. However- in practice I work with the whole class, and ime that is often the case in mainstream schools.

Am shocked that your ds has 2:1 support- have never seen that before except in the case of a child who displayed extreme agression.

MalcolmFuckinTucker · 08/02/2011 19:01

Anyway OP - well done on antagonising the teacher! Good call. Now you're never going to get anything but the most basic assistance with anything. Gee you must be proud of yourself. It's fairly easy, you know, to get anyone to do anything for you - it's all about how you speak to them - a skill of which you clearly know nothing. Read the answers here and learn from them

Why does Maryz keep whimpering to 'hide the thread'? Stop mewling and puking woman - we're all grown up here. With the possible exception of you.

Viking75 · 08/02/2011 19:04

I teach..I on average do a 60hr week and have 10 years experience and my work is NEVER done..beleive me, if they haven't written in the book is not because it has been overlooked..it is because in the grand VERY busy scheme of things it wasn't a priority, that day.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 08/02/2011 19:11

I agree with others that have said your rude manner will get you nowhere.
And am bemused by the fact that you often forget the book, but it's ok as it's your own son and you aren't getting paid for parenting Hmm

mumbar · 08/02/2011 19:14

Home/school books are for both parents and teachers to keep each other informed of the child's life.
This does only work when the teachers/TAs and the parents support each other. And that especially involves celebrating acheivements.

I haven't said it yet OP but I am too proud of your DS acheivement on getting the certificate/award. Well done him Grin To me this proves the high level of support is helping him understand and meet the expectations placed upon him.

Just as an aside OP. Does the teacher/TA always manage to write when there are 'negative' incidents? If so it may be worth pointing out to her the positives are important for this exact reason. Its a balance and gives an overall view of DS school day/time.

NacMacFeegle · 08/02/2011 19:20

YABU.

You really are.

How on earth did you manage to get 2 TAs? Or do they job share? I am amazed, as a teacher in an SN school we had to BEG the board to let us have 1-1 for extremely challenging kids. Oh, and I had a parent who used to drive me mental by writing reams in the book every day, and then getting the hump if she got less than a page in return - it doesn't help, teachers are always pushed for time, and if you get people's back up, they are even less inclined to help you out. Even if they are being "paid" to do so.

As a parent of a child with ASD in MS, I find it is easier to not sweat the small stuff, and fight for the stuff that is really important.

Jane054848 · 08/02/2011 19:20

I am not sure why so many people are insulting the OP and calling her angry, aggressive, a terrible communicator, etc.

It seems like the teachers overlooked something important and you are understandably upset about it. "Bitch" does not seem like an overly strong term to use while letting off steam on AIBU.

So, no. Not U.

maddy68 · 08/02/2011 19:23

OMG what on over reaction!
why should you be in assembly? Kids get awards/certificates all the time in assembly, (I'm a teacher)
In my school at least 1 assembly a week has certificates/awards given out, PE/attendance/ effort etc

NO parents are invited - its just a normal part of the school day

Try being less protective over your child and allow him to be as 'normal' as possible and treated like every other child (many of which have SEN)
By the way I also have an autistic son so I understand your anxiety

Oblomov · 08/02/2011 19:24

Agree with other posters, Betty, AIBU is the wrong place for this. You have been rude to Altin. and Vallium among others have posted some great stuff to you.And yes I do understand, becasue I have a possible AS ds1 in mnainstream, and his teacher has well narked me this year, but some of Bettys posts have been unfair.

RMCW · 08/02/2011 19:26

I would be very dissapointd too.

Next time, go straight to the HT.

activate · 08/02/2011 19:26

A school gets paid to fund 2 extra teachers purely for one child with autism?

really?

a state school in the UK funds 2 teachers purely to focus on 1 child with a statement?

I simply do not believe it

Panzee · 08/02/2011 19:28

I wonder how big a deal the class prize really is (not to you OP but in school). We give out certificates in assembly on Friday for various bits of good work/behaviour etc. I will dish them out for genuine reasons, but

  1. I make sure everyone has got at least one for something by the end of the year so it's not always as important as it may seem and
  2. I make them on Friday lunchtime, so no time to let anyone know in advance.
RMCW · 08/02/2011 19:28

oh...and some teachers are bitches!

and some are great.

as with all human beings, surely?

Opinionatedfreak · 08/02/2011 19:29

Please tell us if it is normal for parents to attend these prize givings?

If it is then I think you might be reasonable to be upset (but I totally oppose the way you have approached this post).

If however parents don't routinely find out until after the award has been made YABtotally and utterly U. You found out afterwards. Same as everyone else in the classes parents would and surely this is the point of mainstream education for a SN child. Treating them the same and allowing them to be 'normal' .

I have NEVER heard of parents going into see kids getting these weekly award things. But perhaps your school is different.

Please enlighten me.

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/02/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ilovesooty · 08/02/2011 19:34

I hope for the teacher's sake the other 14 parents of the children in her class are less problematic to deal with.

RMCW · 08/02/2011 19:34

At my sons school they do a "celebration assembly" at the end of each term and prizes are handed out then so parents can be there.

They also like the kids to bring in certificates etc for stuff they have done outside of school too.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 08/02/2011 19:36

Pixie and Opinionated freak have hit the nail on the head. If it is usual for parents to see weekly assemblies then YANBU..but if it's just normal run of the mill assembly then YABVU

SenoritaViva · 08/02/2011 19:36

Betty, lots of feedback on here - I only got to page 3 and don't have the time to read the rest (do many men say this too???) so sorry if repeating (and I know it annoys some).

YANBU to have wanted to be informed of the prize and to attend the assembly.

However, I'm not sure you used the right approach to communicate it etc. It might have been better to have said, 'delighted DS got an award at assembly last week. I would love to know in advance so I can attend where possible. Please can the TA let me know in future, either verbally or using the book?'

It just might have diffused the situation somewhat.

ninah · 08/02/2011 19:45

yanbu, I am a ta
I can't see why the teacher has time to write in a book 'I don't have time to write in your book?' v poor
she should have told you, or run a team capable of efficiency - ok everyone is busy, oversights happen, but you just apologise
this kind of 'small' thing is important, esp in SN case
are all parents told and invited in?

ninah · 08/02/2011 19:46

opinionated yes parents are invited to our weekly awards at the parents assembly on friday
if your child is nominated you get a phone call the previous day

pointylug · 08/02/2011 19:51

Who nominated your son for the prize? Wasn't the bitch , was it?