Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

to think ds teacher is a bitch?

215 replies

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 16:46

Ds is autistic in a mainstream school, and has 2 full time support teachers. On friday he cae home with the class prize, and I had no idea he was getting it, and he was upset I wasnt in assembly to see him. He has a "hoe school" book which is basically a comunication book between school and home, and I was a bit upset it wasnt mentioned in there so I wrote a small comment in the book thaat maybe if there is a next tie it could be mentioned in this book. Got said book back home tonight with a snotty message in it saying the communication book wa not for this purpose and it would be far too time consuming to write things like this in it. I went straight back to school to have a word with the class teacher who had written this, and was basically told to bugger off in a more polite way!!! She aid there is no time to write these things in the book (I pointed out that if between 3 teachers they find it too time consuming to write a sentence then I a a bit worried). I pointed out that the book doesnt come home evry night a it is meant to, and she said "well it doesnt come back from home all the tie either" to which I pointed out I am pregnant and VERY forgetful, and they are being paid to write in this book and send it home. She was having none of it, and tried to talk right over me, then in the end just said "right" and walked away.
Am I being paranoid or was she being a cow??? She maybe doesnt like me to start with as I found my son almost out of the school gate as the support teacher was nowhere to be seen and his class teacher just let him go, and I complained.

OP posts:

lessnarkypuffin · 08/02/2011 17:24

Fair enough Bettywobble. I think people are reacting to your anger when you got home and thinking that you gave the woman attitude.

If you're going to get pissed off and call her a bitch this is exactly the right place to do it- a nice cathartic rant and no harm done

Original poster

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:25

OMG how much am I laughing now, cheers girls, you really cheered me up!!

OP posts:

altinkum · 08/02/2011 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 08/02/2011 17:25

Is this really a big deal? Just my opinion, but you seem to be quite angry, and unaware of how angry you come across to others, perhaps the teacher was reacting to this and wasnt as polite as she could have been?

Also think Leverkusens idea of something special with DS so he knows you know about his achievement was a good idea, perhaps that would make you feel more positive about the situation?

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 17:25

How on earth do you know what experience I have of an autistic child in mainstream school. You really are very rude actually. No wonder there is little communication between you and the teachers really, your attitude does you no favours whatsoever.

GiddyPickle · 08/02/2011 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpypants · 08/02/2011 17:26

Do the other parents go in if their dcs get the class prize? IE the other kids would know they were getting it and tell their parents so their parents could attend? If so, it's not unreasonable to expect them to tell you via the contact book. If the other kids' parents don't get told, and don't go in, I can't really see the issue - maybe it is not such a big deal in school (you know, rota system, let's have x this week) as you think?

TotalChaos · 08/02/2011 17:27

Yanbu to think one of the staff shld have put it in the book but agree with others, keep your powder dry for bigger issues.

My ds has language delay so i understand how stressful it can be when your child cant let you know whats happening at school

altinkum · 08/02/2011 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2011 17:28

..."We do not have time to record the fact that your son was going to recieve a prize as we find it would be too time consuming".

Right, I read the sentence above as purely factual and neither snotty, abrupt or sarcastic.

I think you can absolutely disagree with the content of what the teacher is saying (and you do). You think they should make time, you want to see it written in the book, you want to know about important events for your son recorded in the book.

But you may have been reading too much in to the words - and I'm wondering if you thinking that the teacher was being sarky with you has got your back up?.

thegoodishlife · 08/02/2011 17:28

Why ask "AIBU" if you are going to argue with anyone who gives a different opinion to you?

baffled

princessparty · 08/02/2011 17:29

Actually if anyone is a bitch....

RunforFun · 08/02/2011 17:30

I think you are being treated a bit harshly here Betty and I think you shouldnt ake to heart what some of the posters are saying.

My son also has communication issues and has a school/home book. I would be concerned if something as special as this had not been put in the book, actually I would be very concerned as these achievements should be marked no matter how many kids are in the class.

If you have been rude to the woman (and I can quite understand why ) then apologise and hold your head high, and enjoy your sons achievement.

How old is your son btw ? as I kind of think that makes a difference, if he is 6 then being at the assembly might be far more important to him than if he is 14.

ValiumSandwichTime · 08/02/2011 17:31

bettywobble, I think in your shoes I'd feel the prize wasn't the real issue.

The real issue is that your child is a square peg in a school with round holes and it really would be more convenient for everybody if he could just conveniently squeeze into a round hole and if you as his mother could just shrug and accept that, then that would be even more convenient for them..

Prize day aside, whether you were there or not, whether they told you about it or not, or meant to, or are sorry they didn't............. that would be the real issue for me.

What's the school's ethos? does it have anybody on the staff with a masters in special education for example (my son's school does and I know this makes a huge difference).

This is going to be one those mumsnet classics where everybody piles in ontop of one another to take yet another swipe at an already upset OP, as though it were just a play of words. This AIBU unfortunately and if I were you, I'd

hide the thread
make an appointment to see the head
ask to see the school's policy on special needs

This doesn't make you a nightmare, it makes you the parent of a child on the spectrum. And it's tough role, that is far from over.

So hide this thread and step away from it. Hopefully the head will come at things from the pov of trying to reassure you that the school does take your son's ASD seriously and that the school is prepared to treat each child differently when that's necessary.

Leverkusen · 08/02/2011 17:31

megatron- thanks

Bettywobble, either stop with the LMAO or get thee to netmums

RealityIsKnockedUp · 08/02/2011 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HingCogNeeto · 08/02/2011 17:32

OP asks AIBU

77,000 replies yes YABU

one or two replies hmm maybe not

OP has a hissy fit

bless

princessparty · 08/02/2011 17:34

but they have done a nice thing for him by giving him the prize and look how you react!!You're doing your DC no favours at all by alienating those who look after him

ValiumSandwichTime · 08/02/2011 17:35

Aibu isn't a game though.

Go and play farmville or bejewelled or something. Upsetting somebody on the grounds that 'this is AIBU' is a bit heartless..

Vulnerable people throw themselves into the ring and are savaged. I know! have done it myself a few times. never again.

catzcream · 08/02/2011 17:35

OP - On the whole, YABU.

Look I get it must be frustrating, but I think you should try and put yourself in their shoes. I hardly think their days leave them with much spare time TBH.

You have said that you have a valid explanation for why you don't get the book in every day, can you on that basis not accept her statement for fact as opposed to reading too much into it? (as I think you are doing)

I also am tempted to say that if this book means that much to you, you should make it a very high priority to get it into the school bag every day, no excuses (and yes IMO, you are using a lousy excuse). Pregnancy is no excuse, get organised.

maryz · 08/02/2011 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:36

((preggy lady nearly wets herself from laughing))))

OP posts:

Original poster

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 17:37

Thank you to all the people who understand where I am coming from, I can see there re a lot of mums here who understand.
To everyone else who just wants to have an arument or to upset me...oh dear!!!!

OP posts:

taintedpaint · 08/02/2011 17:38

Looking at this thread entirely objectively, since I have only just come to it, I can see why betty is upset and I don't think the teacher dealt with the ensuing conversation well.

That said, betty, your attitude towards people on this thread is horrific. I suggest you have a read through some of your posts, you have been quite rude. I appreciate you are saying you didn't have a bad attitude with your DS's teacher, but given that you don't think you have one here, when you in fact do, belies the fact that you may not be such a wonderful judge of your own character.

I am sorry that you've had to go into school, but please think about how you talk to people.

PinkIceQueen · 08/02/2011 17:38

For info op I have been 1 of the support staff you are compaining about, specifically working 1 to 1 with someone with ASD. I have been responsible for the home school book. In a main steam school also.

I would never consider myself a "teacher" I know I am support to the main teacher. My primary role was to support the child I was working with. However, other situations arise ad hoc which cannot be foreseen. On occasion I was not able to write in the home school book.

I would always escort the child to the parent(s) at the end of the day and was available to answer any queries they may have at any time. I shared this responsbility with another members of staff.

The parents of the child were always pleasant and very supportive, they had other things going on their lives also, but never forgot to send in the home school book. They rarely wrote in it, prefering to speak face to face and clear up any misunderstandings in a pleasant and non confrontational way.

If you are unhappy about the arrangements for your child, request a meeting at a mutually agreeable time with all the people concerned so that you can air your views and they can answer your questions. This may give you a more balanced view.

For information, it is not customary at our school to inform parents when pupils are receiving the class prize. If you wish to be informed, then ask, politely, for it to be written in the book. Although it would be unfair to tell your son in advance, imho!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9