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Original poster

My childs future Godparent groped me

280 replies

Changedhername · 04/02/2011 16:23

To cut a very long story short me and OH have a friend who is in his seventies and last year lost his wife.
Me and OH are alot younger then our 'friend' and we let him spend Easter/Xmas etc with us as he told us how lonely and bored and sad he was.
We even asked him to be Godfather to my youngest(DS 2 aged 7m).My eldest(DS 1 age 2.5)loves our friend as he acts like the lovely grandad.
Anyway over the months he has been coming around during the daytime while OH is at work and I would make him lunch etc and he would play with DC..
Around two weeks ago he asked me what it felt like to have such a big bust and after that he grabbed my breasts and fondled me.
I grabbed his hand and told him he should not touch me in that way ever again and how dare he do that etc.
He then started shouting at me 'how dare you hurt my feelings and push my hands away..you horrible person'!
Anyway I've told OH that he gives me the creeps and he got 'touchy feely' and that's why I've ignored him recently.
I just admitted to OH that he touched my breasts and OH said 'are you sure you didn't ask for it'?
OH says he blames me!Maybe I shouldn't have been so nice and asked him aroundConfused
Oh and to top it off said 'friend' is calling my house number and mobile everyday(10 to 20 times)and in the last 2 weeks he turned up at my house staring at me through the window and wouldn't go away.
I feel like I shouldn't have been so friendly with him-he now thinks he owns me.
I don't think he's a bad person he's just obsessed with me.
We live close and go to the same places.He's left me voice messages saying 'have you got a problem'? etc..
Don't know how to handle this situation.
Thanks for reading
(I've been here a while but name changed)Smile

OP posts:
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/02/2011 16:27

Jesus Christ. I don't know WHERE to begin!
First of all all contact with this man MUST be stopped, he sounds very dangerous,make it crystal clear to him.
If he keeps turning up and harrassing you you need to contact police

and you're OH...?
I'm shaking my head in disbelief tbh.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/02/2011 16:28

And btw - no one 'asks' to be sexually assaulted in their own home

manicbmc · 04/02/2011 16:28

Can't believe your dh's reaction! Shock

Does he know about the stalking behaviour - because that is what it is.

BeerTricksPotter · 04/02/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 04/02/2011 16:29

I don't know who I am more Shock at, your 'friend' with the wandering hands or your OH not believing you.

I would cut off all times, and tell your OH in no uncertain terms why there will be no further contact. Certainly don't have him as your DS's GF.

What this man is doing now could be classed as harrassament, if you have told him not to call you/ contact you.

AMumInScotland · 04/02/2011 16:29

I think you need to tell DH exactly what happened, as his ignorance is not going to help you to deal with the situation. If he thinks it was just some sort of misunderstanding he'll be trying to smooth it over, and that's not the answer here.

You then need to tell this man (preferably with DH there) that, yes, you do have a problem. That there is no way you will be alone in the house with someone who thinks its ok to grab your breasts.

BeeBox · 04/02/2011 16:30

I am also aghast at this.

  1. He sexually assaulted you. Never, ever have him in your home again! Or around your kids.

  2. Your OH doesn't believe you / thinks you asked for it? Lost for words, really. How distressing for you Sad

Emmanana · 04/02/2011 16:30

No one has the right to do that to you!
Ignore his calls, but make a record if you can, of when he is calling.
If this persists, then make a complaint to the Police.
I may get flamed for this, but if someone shows you total disrespect, as regards touching and fondling you without your permission, I would NEVER let them be in the same room as my kids ever again.

TheVisitor · 04/02/2011 16:30

Get rid! He really does sound like he's not quite right, and I'm shocked at your DH suggesting you asked for it.

MrSpoc · 04/02/2011 16:31

sorry but your husband is bang out of order. How often to you get blokes gropping you for your huband to say "are you sure you did not ask for it".

This old man is potentially dangerous. you need to be firm with husband and tell him that you do not want him round or to have access to the children.

mutznutz · 04/02/2011 16:32

Strange reaction from your OH.

Obviously you need to tell this man you don't want him anywhere near you and then change your phone number.

When is the Christening? I'm sure it'll be easy enough to get another God Parent.

BeerTricksPotter · 04/02/2011 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/02/2011 16:33

Me too emmanana

Original poster
Changedhername · 04/02/2011 16:33

Thankyou so much for the responses.
I think OH started to resent this friend coming around and he means I got myself in this situation for being too soft and I've made a rod for my own back iykwim.
I will keep a record.Thankyou again.

OP posts:
FlamingoBingo · 04/02/2011 16:34

Oh my word! Is your OH always such an arsehole!? At least you can get shot of your dirty old man friend - not quite so easy with mistrustful, misogynist partners!

AnyFucker · 04/02/2011 16:34

I can't get past the point where you asked a 70+ year old person to be godparent to a baby Confused

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/02/2011 16:35

I can't believe the reaction of your husband.

Basically - you asked for it by being a nice person to someone you thought was a friend! Angry

FFS this misogynistic CRAP makes me angry. As always, the woman is responsible for the unacceptable behaviour of the man. It's her fault, she led him on, she drove him to it...

And the other bloke acting like he had a god given right to assault you Shock

Well, clearly you will not be having anything more to do with this man.

And I don't quite know how you are going to be in a relationship with a man who feels women are responsible for being assaulted.

LDNmummy · 04/02/2011 16:36

WTF!!

WOW!!

I dunno what to say. Is he going senile? Call the police if you have to, age is not an excuse. Your safety and well being are being infringed on. Your OH should get a grip and talk to this guy about it face to face or something. I think the assumption is that his age makes him somehow not responsible, which is not true. Sorry your kindness has been taken advantage of like this.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/02/2011 16:36

Does your OH think something was going on with you and the friend?
It's so so weird for him to be acting this way

BeerTricksPotter · 04/02/2011 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 04/02/2011 16:37

Please don't let him be Godparent....

Or near you again..Shock

toddlerama · 04/02/2011 16:40

Sit your OH down and explain very bluntly what happened and why you are upset. Don't try and hold back showing how upset you are. If he isn't guns-blazing-on-your-side after that, then there are 2 old creeps in your life to deal with. Am so shocked that he would react that way.

Emmanana · 04/02/2011 16:40

It doesn't matter if you're softsensitive and caring.
YOU have done nothing wrong, and there is nothing that can excuse his behaviour. Millions every year suffer grief, but don't feel the need to act like this. Don't let him try and make you feel guilty. You have been very caring towards him, and if he interprets this in any other way than human compassion, then HE has the problem.

Original poster
Changedhername · 04/02/2011 16:41

Everytime he would leave our house he would demand that I kiss him on the lips and say'don't make me miserable now' and 'stop being such a tease' and grab my face and kiss me on the lips.
I'm such a walkover and I know that.He used to make me feel sorry for him about his wife passing etc.

OP posts:
iamamug · 04/02/2011 16:42

Please keep away from this man and keep your children away from him at all costs.

If necessary involve the police - and tell your OH that NO-ONE asks to be sexually assaulted.

And you have not been 'groped' - you have been sexually assaulted.

NOT your fault - he's a dirty old man!

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