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Original poster

My childs future Godparent groped me

280 replies

Changedhername · 04/02/2011 16:23

To cut a very long story short me and OH have a friend who is in his seventies and last year lost his wife.
Me and OH are alot younger then our 'friend' and we let him spend Easter/Xmas etc with us as he told us how lonely and bored and sad he was.
We even asked him to be Godfather to my youngest(DS 2 aged 7m).My eldest(DS 1 age 2.5)loves our friend as he acts like the lovely grandad.
Anyway over the months he has been coming around during the daytime while OH is at work and I would make him lunch etc and he would play with DC..
Around two weeks ago he asked me what it felt like to have such a big bust and after that he grabbed my breasts and fondled me.
I grabbed his hand and told him he should not touch me in that way ever again and how dare he do that etc.
He then started shouting at me 'how dare you hurt my feelings and push my hands away..you horrible person'!
Anyway I've told OH that he gives me the creeps and he got 'touchy feely' and that's why I've ignored him recently.
I just admitted to OH that he touched my breasts and OH said 'are you sure you didn't ask for it'?
OH says he blames me!Maybe I shouldn't have been so nice and asked him aroundConfused
Oh and to top it off said 'friend' is calling my house number and mobile everyday(10 to 20 times)and in the last 2 weeks he turned up at my house staring at me through the window and wouldn't go away.
I feel like I shouldn't have been so friendly with him-he now thinks he owns me.
I don't think he's a bad person he's just obsessed with me.
We live close and go to the same places.He's left me voice messages saying 'have you got a problem'? etc..
Don't know how to handle this situation.
Thanks for reading
(I've been here a while but name changed)Smile

OP posts:
Animation · 05/02/2011 04:55

Tell this mucky old man to fuck off!

TheMartorialist · 05/02/2011 05:38

spongebob, you of all people ought to be ashamed of yourself. I remember your thread from about a week or so ago about your H and inlaws, and remember the support that was given to you in waves. How would you have felt if some other poster had hijacked your thread doubting your plausibility and generally poking fun at your situation?

I do hope you go back to that thread and come back with a bit more compassion and maturity than you and other posters have displayed on this thread.

TheMartorialist · 05/02/2011 05:44

A godparent can be anything to the child that a parent wishes. My godparents were in their 50s and 60s when I was born - they were neither family members or old friends. My father chose them as they had been a source of support to him at a very important time. He eventually fell out with them and we lost all contact. It doesn't mean that his decision at the time was a wrong/unbelievable one all because he did not follow the same conventions as other people.

Like I initially said on this thread, if you doubt the OP's story, then don't waste her, yours or our time by posting on the thread.

MsKLo · 05/02/2011 06:27

Spongebob - and to add - a lot of people have been very concerned and asked about how things are so it would be good If you repaid their kindness with an update

Sorry for the hijack op - an update from you too please ?

JeelyPiece · 05/02/2011 07:36

TheMartorialist and MsKLo, it's not the same poster. The one from the thread with the horrendous ILs in Brazil was squarebobspongepants, this is spongebobsquareknickers.

spongebobsquareknickers · 05/02/2011 07:40

Sorry, I've lost the thread, will look for it now...

If an OP if blase about their problem, I dont see why I should reply any differently. If someone seemed genuinely upset, of course I wouldnt take the piss. Im not saying anyone is the T word, nor necessarily that the situation isnt real, but this lady does not seem to be taking her own problem seriously so why should I?

spongebobsquareknickers · 05/02/2011 07:41

Haha, Im confused now too, that might be why I cant find it. Think I posted a thread about my inlaws before I namechanged, although I did point out I wasnt squarebob the other day

:)

spongebobsquareknickers · 05/02/2011 07:42

PS, nothing malicious in my namechange, I tend to over-divulge personal info Grin

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 05/02/2011 07:52

I agree with spongebob, op was more concerned with us than what happen or the fact that her dp didn't seem very bothered and said shed asked for it. If fact she said her dp was upset shed spent all might on here.

MsKLo · 05/02/2011 08:20

Sorry sponge for confusing you with the other sponge!

Anyways - just because the op can be a bit light-hearted in places it doesn't mean people should b sceptical or nasty.

threefeethighandrising · 05/02/2011 08:35

I'm sorry but your behaviour is indefensible. You were all attacking her. The way that she dealt with your attacks (trying to make light of it) is not an excuse.

It's hard to deal with when everyone is attacking you, and hard to leave alone although you know you should.

That she tried to make light of the situation doesn't mean that her story isn't genuine.

Your behaviour is disgusting, it really is.

Did you have bullies that operated in groups in your school? Do you remember what they (you?) were like? Because this is exactly how you lot are behaving.

Please can you answer my question - why do you think troll hunting is banned on mumsnet?

mjloveswineoclock · 05/02/2011 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RunawayFishWife · 05/02/2011 08:48

OP your husband is a dick, I think the best thing to do is report the groping, the phone calls and the harassment to the police.

catinthehat2 · 05/02/2011 09:02

Just to pick up on a number of similar comments about the role of godparents

IME a godparent is not there to stand in as guardian in the event of my demise, nor does he or she accompany my children to church every week

this is because I don't live in a medieval village where adults die by the age of 29

being a godparent after the baptism in reality is a ceremonial office involving Christmas & birthdays. Even an old person can tuck £5 in an envelope you know

Maybe this is unusual Confused

TheMartorialist · 05/02/2011 09:13

Apologies for the confusion spongebob.

However, I still think the behaviour exhibited by yourself, AF, and Hullygully is shameful. If you are looking for lighthearted entertainment, there are many other threads on which you can indulge in your "comedic" routine.

OP, you've received some good advice from other posters to this thread, and I would advise that you take it (report the man to the police if necessary - his age/mental health, sad as it may be, is NOT a reason for you to put up with such behaviour).

I would also advise that you ignore those who choose to make light of your situation - they are not worth your effort. The best way to deal with bullies, especially online ones, is to ignore them.

melikalikimaka · 05/02/2011 09:33

Sorry, if this has been mentioned or x posted, I'm really sorry that you had this happen to you. I am like you, a bit of a push over, won't believe any harm in people. You have built up what you thought a great relationship with this man.
But... the moment he overstepped that line, when he touched you, that is the end. Your
DH should know better, take you seriously and protect you from this stalker. I would talk to the police about this and get a restraining order or something to stop him harrassing you.
He may have mental instability and it needs to be dealt with.

DON'T PUT UP WITH THIS.

salsmum · 05/02/2011 11:12

Please do not think I'm condoning this mans behaviour in any way but it really does sound like he very well could have a dementia. I work in a residential home and have passed a Dementia course some of the signs are;
1; A bereavement
2; Inappropriate behaviour, can be sexual, lack of inhabitions.
3; Delusions of who they are/were (one of my res believes she worked for MI5).
3; obsessive behaviour (constant phone calls etc).

  1. Anger/jealousy mood swings.

If he has a dementia it could be that he thinks that your home is his home and that's why he keeps coming to your house especially if you gave him meals there, he played with your DCs, he has happy memories of your home etc... I think you do need to keep a diary of events and notify the police that way he may get access to the local mental health team and they can asses him.
alternatively he could be a dirty old man
either way the police need to know or seek advice from your local CAB or MIND.
As for your DH I'm speechless Shock.
Please don't blame yourself you are obviously a kind, caring person nowt wrong with that. Grin.

bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 11:18

being a godparent after the baptism in reality is a ceremonial office involving Christmas & birthdays. Even an old person can tuck £5 in an envelope you know

riiiight.. so to you a godparent is an additional source of funding for your child???

probably not unusual.. just mercenary.. Hmm

Mouseface · 05/02/2011 11:35

Agree with that ^^ Bubble

None of my DD's Godparents or even mine were ever a source of funding.

Capreece · 05/02/2011 13:05

To me the role of a Godparent is to make friends into family. You get no choice as to whom DCs' aunts and uncles are going to be, but you can choose Godparents and give them a significant role. I think this (why he was chosen as a Godparent when in his 70s) is a very silly point to fixate upon bearing in mind the nature of the real problem

Original poster
Changedhername · 05/02/2011 13:38

Thankyou for the lovely responses.
I feel that he knows exactly what he is doing and therefor will take alot of this advice on board.
I think I didn't want to get the police involved just incase(as alot of you have mentioned)he has dementia(although I'm 99% sure he hasn't)!

To those who think I'm making this up/not taking this seriously that is not true.I wrote jokey responses to those that were taking the piss.Now I know I should have just not responded to the micky takers.

Thankyou to those who spotted the bullies on this site.
Anything horrible that's been said to me hasn't bothered me.You hide behind a screen and I bet you wouldn't say boo to a goose in RLGrin

Thanks again everyone.Have a lovely weekend.

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 05/02/2011 17:45

sniggers at £5 twice a year being "a source of funding for my child".

yes that will surely pay for a year's university tuition

round of applause for Bubblewrapped & Mouseface - joint winners of the "I was brought up in a paper bag on the M4" competition

Grin
Megglevache · 05/02/2011 18:11

Sorry if I'm repeating but if my dh had told me I was asking for something like this- he'd find his nadgers hanging from my neighbours sky dish covered in glitter and bird seed.

I hope you're having nothing to do with the sleazy fucker and the old man too.

melikalikimaka · 07/02/2011 12:25

megglevache that made me laugh.

Megglevache · 07/02/2011 23:07

Good! Grin