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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people spend a fortune on their wedding?

260 replies

iJudge · 03/02/2011 10:05

I know it's their money and they can spend it how they want but AIBU to wonder why spend all that on just ONE day of your life?

My friend is getting married in about 8 weeks. She has spent a year visiting wedding fairs, getting dress fittings, pondering over table decorations, favours etc.

The money it is costing has quickly risen and they have had little help from parents yet are putting on quite a show.

I don't understand this. They both want to buy somewhere to live as they are renting atm, she wants children soon after the wedding and also wants to finish her teacher training. All of which they cannot afford at present.

Yet they have spent what I consider a small fortune on what is essentially just one day of their life.

AIBU to wonder why?

OP posts:
RamblingRosa · 03/02/2011 10:08

YANBU to wonder why. I don't get it either. If I had that kind of money to spend, I'd rather spend it on a deposit on a house/doing up our house, or an amazing trip overseas together or something.
Each to their own though.

berri · 03/02/2011 10:09

YANBU - it's only one day of the rest of your lives together so why people get themselves into debt or blow all their savings is completely beyond me.

A friend of mine spent £3k on her dress alone - ridiculous!

RealityIsKnockedUp · 03/02/2011 10:12

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emsyj · 03/02/2011 10:14

What about people who spend quite a lot but don't have to get into debt, blow all their savings or sacrifice other things such as house purchase, college etc?? Are they silly to spend more than £5 on their weddings too?

Not everyone has the same priorities.

thefurryone · 03/02/2011 10:16

YABU It's their money they can do what they want with it, they have chosen to put on a big party and celebrate their love with their family and friends.

They may wonder why you chose to spend your money in the way that you do, you'd probably consider that none of their business Smile

RealityIsKnockedUp · 03/02/2011 10:17

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emsyj · 03/02/2011 10:17

PS I think it's madness to get into debt for a wedding, but lots of people do it so I hope they think it's worth it after the fact - suspect some do, some don't.

rubyrubyruby · 03/02/2011 10:18

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RamblingRosa · 03/02/2011 10:19

£10k in loans and debt for a wedding Shock

cantspel · 03/02/2011 10:19

If they can afford it then yes it is their money so they can spend it how they want. But if you have to borrow to do it then it is a pretty stupid to start out your married life up to your eye balls in debt.

thefurryone · 03/02/2011 10:21

Oh and it may just be one day but the momeories of that day will last a lifetime. I have much more fun thinking about my wedding day than I do thinking about a lot of the material things I possess.

Maud2011 · 03/02/2011 10:27

No, you're not being unreasonable. It does seem a slightly odd priority for spending so much money given their plans. I wonder why. Is it that they are (or in particular she since you don't say much about the husband to be) totally seduced by the idea of the perfect day... is there an element of peer pressure - or if not exactly pressure, a feeling they need to meet high expectations? Oh well, I'm not married, what do I know about it... hope they have a great day though!

Berri, £3k on the dress Shock What did she do with it afterwards?

woollyideas · 03/02/2011 10:34

I don't understand it at all. All those frills and flowers etc. It's beyond me. And when it gets into horse and carriage territory and fourteen bridesmaids... words fail me. But each to their own, I suppose.

I think memories of a £100 wedding would be just as fondly remembered as memories of a £40,000 one.

I work with someone who spent £30K on her wedding and her husband was dipping his dick everywhere within 8 months and now they've separated. I know people who spent nothing beyond the cost of the registry office fees and they're still happy 18 years later. I don't think there's any correlation between amount spent/longevity of marriage/fondness of memories.

Horses for courses, I suppose, but I wouldn't do it

Hammy02 · 03/02/2011 10:39

I think unless you won't miss the money, you're mad to spend much on a wedding. It's just signing a form after all. My partner and I have a fair amount of saving and are planning a wedding but are aware that every thousand pounds we spend on the wedding is a thousand pounds less that we have to buy a home.

Dropdeadfred · 03/02/2011 10:42

We spnt an awful lot on our wedding...I loved it and would not change a thing. We wante i to be a brilliant dy for everyone and it was...we requested NO presens too - we just wanted to have a day to remember and for it not to have cost everyone a fortune. People still alk about it now!! And I aways have memories of a 100% perfect day

ENormaSnob · 03/02/2011 10:42

Yanbu

MrsSparkle · 03/02/2011 10:42

I think purhaps you should have said "to wonder why people spend a fortune on their wedding... when they can't afford it?

We spent around £8000 on our wedding, we are not in debt, have a house and could afford it.

Most of our budget was spent on the food which was oh so lovely. A lovely 4 course meal for our family and a gala buffet (cold meats on the bone/whole salmon/salads/pate etc)

It was our choice to do this and effected no one else so i don't see why anyone would judge me for it. Our wedding pics are amazing because we had snow on the day tooGrin

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 10:45

Yanbu...I don't get it either. It seems such a big fuss...so childish really.

Yes a good party can be had but it doesn't need to be that expensive...and a lot of the fuss seems to be about getting matching napkins and the right flowers and making huge efforts over researching - the particular trim for the dress, the invitations, getting it all absolutely perfect - it's more about project management, I'm sure it's good fun, I love a decent project but no, I don't buy it, because in the end it's about having fun and when you are being shooed out the way so you aren't in the photos because you don't match the dress, and someone is fussing behind you about the dress/train touching the floor, all the way down the path - it seems so fake and so precious.

It's like a massively coordinated presentation and I dislike that. I would rather weddings were natural and organic, and about the people involved, not some top down version of 'perfection' because that's just a stage play, not a wedding.

rubyrubyruby · 03/02/2011 10:45

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IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 10:48

Disclaimer: I realise not all weddings are like I described there.

That's just from my own limited experience.

But then I hate being at the centre of everyone's attention and would run screaming from a big posh wedding if it were me having it.

I don't get it, and I wouldn't want it for myself.

Dropdeadfred · 03/02/2011 10:48

rubyrubyruby - exactly!!!! I have an amazing wedding album....i don't think pictures of the outside of my house or car would quite cut it in the same way!

TheMartorialist · 03/02/2011 10:49

We spent well over the wedding-magazine-quoted average on our wedding day. AFAIK, it really isn't anyone's business but our own.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/02/2011 10:51

Likewise, ruby.

emsyj · 03/02/2011 10:51

AIBU to think there is a strange competitive streak to ths forum, whereby you get a badge if you spent hardly anything on your wedding? Seems really odd to me.

LDNmummy · 03/02/2011 10:54

I get exactly what you mean. I never wanted a big wedding, wanted to spend the money on a property instead. But I either had a small wedding and invited no one or had a big wedding and invited everyone to avoid offending people. My DP didn't want a small wedding so we are off abroad for a big wedding. We will save up for it over the next couple of years rather than splurge in one big go though. I have to spend everyday in my house and think my money would be much better used on making it as comfortable as possible for me and my family.

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