to wonder why people spend a fortune on their wedding?

[iJudge]

I know it's their money and they can spend it how they want but AIBU to wonder why spend all that on just ONE day of your life?

My friend is getting married in about 8 weeks. She has spent a year visiting wedding fairs, getting dress fittings, pondering over table decorations, favours etc.

The money it is costing has quickly risen and they have had little help from parents yet are putting on quite a show.

I don't understand this. They both want to buy somewhere to live as they are renting atm, she wants children soon after the wedding and also wants to finish her teacher training. All of which they cannot afford at present.

Yet they have spent what I consider a small fortune on what is essentially just one day of their life.

AIBU to wonder why?

A lot of defensiveness going on over big expensive weddings here.

Most people aren't criticising you, just saying they prefer small weddings. It doesn't mean they think your marriages are going to fall apart, or that they're judgey or that they're jealous. They just prefer small weddings and don't enjoy big extravagent ones.
As someone who had a very traditional wedding with hotel reception and three tier cake etc. I would actually have preferred something smaller and would have found it more meaningful, but bowed to parental pressure and had the full works. It stressed me out and I think there are just those who like that kind of wedding and those who don't. It's not a competition.

I'm not defensive of big weddings just weddings in general. There has been a lot of judging on this thread about big weddings and accusations that those of us who have defended weddings are judgmental about small weddings.

It doesn't matter to anyone but the couple how much money is spent as long as it's not your money it's none of your business where it came from or how much they spent. If people spent less time costing other people's wedding and more time enjoying and being appreciative of the wedding they were invited to, maybe they'd enjoy the wedding more!

swanandduck, I am not defending my expensive wedding. I don't feel the need to, we had a marvellous day, would do every single thing again and several years later, guests who attended tell us that it was the best wedding that they ever attended. The latter is nice to hear only because we tried to make sure that our guests had the best possible time. DH and I are fortunate to better off than the average family, we were able to spend whatever we wanted on the wedding without worrying about the costs. My view is that you spend according to what you can afford like with any other thing in life. I helped someone plan their wedding last year who had a very small budget. One of the first pieces of advice I gave them about planning the wedding was that I had been to weddings that cost a few hundred quid and those that cost tens of thousands but I had enjoyed every single one of them as if you're resourceful you can always find a way of doing things inexpensively.

I think it is incredibly rude, spiteful and judgmental to say either explictly or implicitly that someone who had an expensive wedding (which in our case came out of our disposable income) was doing it only to show off and that it doesn't really matter anyway because those marriages will end in divorce. I could come on here and say those people who had cheaper wedding than mine are bound to have weddings that end in divorce because they will clearly be under the stress of money worries. I don't because, a) who am I to judge and b) I hope I am a better person to judge people on criteria other than how much money they have, whether its more or less than me.

Janey, LeQueen

Calm down. I'm sorry, but you are coming across as defensive. Why does it matter to you what a few people have said on here. The majority of people have just said big expensive weddings are not to their taste,not that they lead to divorce or shallow relationships.

I do think you're a bit defensive (and nothing smug about replying to you LeQueen). Yes, some people have said unfair things about big wedding equals automatic divorce. But you've replied to that sharply, and rightly so. It's just the fact that you have done so and people have agreed with you, but you still sound pissed off and are going on about it. You seem to be implying that anyone on here who's said 'yes, I don't understand people paying a fortune on a wedding, I only paid 50p for mine' are being rude about you're wedding. They're not. It's like someone saying 'I can't understand anyone paying £200 for a handbag' or whatever. People have different priorities when it comes to money and therefore are often puzzled about other people's expenditure.

Anyway, I couldn't care less how much people spend on their weddings. What puts me off weddings is the big, loud, noisy band that drowns out any attempt at conversation and leaves elderly people, and those who don't like getting up to dance, sitting there staring into space. Now, that is inconsiderate.

. I'll drink to that LeQueen.