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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people spend a fortune on their wedding?

260 replies

iJudge · 03/02/2011 10:05

I know it's their money and they can spend it how they want but AIBU to wonder why spend all that on just ONE day of your life?

My friend is getting married in about 8 weeks. She has spent a year visiting wedding fairs, getting dress fittings, pondering over table decorations, favours etc.

The money it is costing has quickly risen and they have had little help from parents yet are putting on quite a show.

I don't understand this. They both want to buy somewhere to live as they are renting atm, she wants children soon after the wedding and also wants to finish her teacher training. All of which they cannot afford at present.

Yet they have spent what I consider a small fortune on what is essentially just one day of their life.

AIBU to wonder why?

OP posts:
Nefret · 03/02/2011 11:50

We hardly spent any money on our wedding as we couldn't afford it at the time, although even now I woulnd't spend all that money on one day. I still remember my wedding and I had a lovely time.

My cousin had a huge wedding in Spain, spent thousands of pounds, had everything you can imagine and yet they divorced just a few years later, what a waste Shock

Still, it is people's choice on what kind of wedding they want and how much they want to spend.

YANBU though to wonder why they do it.

MickeyMixer · 03/02/2011 11:53

My wedding cost my parents £13000! It was not what we wanted but we had little or no choice since we had NO money at all. If I could've had a smaller 'do' I would have... if they would've just given us the cash instead then we could've bought straight away instead of renting!

It doesn't always work that way though....

TrollyMcTrollPants · 03/02/2011 12:06

I used to dream of a big fancy wedding but now the time has actually arrived I find myself jealously guarding my money like a real scrooge!

I am lucky that my Mum and Dad are helping out but I still estimate my wedding to cost about £1500 all inclusive.

I'd like to say I'd still be frugal if I had some disposable money but I think I may get a little carried away!

MickeyMixer · 03/02/2011 12:07

Save your money Trolly - it is ONLY a party after all!

MrsSparkle · 03/02/2011 12:08

I thought i did pretty well with our wedding. I had a "monica" folderGrin That was more to take the piss out of myself then anything!

I planned everything myself and enjoyed it and wasn't stressed or bridezilla. I enjoyed making my invites/favours, had geberas for my flowers which are a fraction of the price of traditional flowers like roses or lillies and they are my favourate flower.

I went to a outlet monsoon to get my bridesmaids dresses (3 kids) and got them for £16.50 marked from £55! I managed to make the wedding feel really personal by adding inexpensive touches myself.

We had 18 family members/close friends to the ceremony/meal and everyone had a little role of their own which made it really special for everyone.

I did hire a car to take me to the ceremony which after looking into thought were a rip off. I found a local company though and they charged £125. Alot of money for a taxi ride i thought but it turned out to be one of my favourate parts of the day. Driving through the town that i grow up in (and still live) in a rolls royce, in my beautifal wedding dress and with my mother, in a winter wonderland (we had snow which where i live is very rare). It. Was. Amazing. I will never forget that and it was worth every penny of the £125!

On the whole we had a wonderful day and i was one of those brides who didn't expect it to toatally, unrealisticly perfect. Now i just have to choose 25 of my photos to go in the albumGrin

wheredidyoulastseeit · 03/02/2011 12:10

I think that people can spend what they want on their wedding, what gets me is that some brides seem to think that the guests are as enthusiastic about it as they are, and assume that the guests want to spend loads of money, weddings get so big they cost the guest so much as well.

the last weding i went to was a massive do but i also had to go on an expensive weekend away for the hen night and pay to stay in a hotel for the weekend for the wedding as well it may have cost her a mere 12k but it cost me £500 oh yes plus the present as well,

I know that lots of people are getting resentful at having to fork out a lot of money for someone els's party, less on the dress and put some money behind the bar.

StormInaCCup · 03/02/2011 12:10

Fair point Thunderbird - I hope my ring holds up as well! Smile

I think it hit a nerve as normally I am quite frugal, but don't see an expensive wedding ring as 'waste of money', as you wear it every day and hopefully it gets passed on to family too. In that sense, I think it is a bit of an investment.

TrollyMcTrollPants · 03/02/2011 12:17

Oooooooooh! I'd hadn't thought about money behind the bar!!!! My family do like to binge enjoy a tipple, so maybe in the spirit of frugality and stopping punch ups I shall forgo that one..

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/02/2011 12:18

Wheredidyoulastseeit, I was about to make the same point. In general, people who pay a lot for their weddings tend to think you will want to pay a lot too, like going to their expensive hotel in the middle of no-where, buying things off their expensive wedding list, attending expensive hen-weekends etc. I can think of exceptions, but usually, with more modestly priced or individual weddings, people are much more relaxed about clothes, everyone staying in one place, not requesting presents off a list etc.

Katiepoes · 03/02/2011 12:20

Do you people seating 'it's for show' realise how rude you are being? We spent a load of money to have a huge party for our friends and family to celebrate getting married. When did that become 'for show'?

MickeyMixer · 03/02/2011 12:20

wheredidyoulastseeit - a good point well made! My brother's wedding came just after Xmas (obviously we had to go!!!)

It cost us nearly five hundred pounds just to be guests!! Present, one night in Hotel du Vin £££, five new outfits and five pairs of shoes (we don't generally have posh clobber in stock!!), petrol to get there, confetti, disposable cameras (ours broken), hairdressers for me and DD (£65 just to have it put up!!), and loss of earnings 'cos DH had to take Sat as a holiday!

We expect to be back in credit in the joint account by Easter!

Katiepoes · 03/02/2011 12:21

Gah saying not seating.

MickeyMixer · 03/02/2011 12:21

...and money for the bar!! £9.50 for two drinks!!

ziggyzebra · 03/02/2011 12:21

I agree with MrsSparkle, nothing wrong with spending a lot on your wedding if you can afford it. I married my DH in August last year and we spent quite a lot on our day. But we have both have good jobs so could afford to, we still have savings and we didn't get into any debt to do it. So can't see any problems with that. We had a brilliant day, so did all our friends and family and I wouldn't change it for anything. :) We could of course spent a lot less and still had a great time, but we didn't want to! Wink

I do think it is a bit mad to take out loans and such like for a wedding. Would hate to be still paying off a wedding years later.

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meantosay · 03/02/2011 12:26

YANBU. I can't understand people borrowing to the hilt to pay for a big hollywood style wedding that they cannot afford. I don't think people did that years ago but now it seems to be considered quite normal for a couple on average money to have 5 bridesmaids and 150 guests and fireworks and favours and specially covered chairs and a honeymoon in Mauritius.
Its even more ridiculous if guests are then pressured into giving generous financial gifts to help cover the cost.

thumbdabwitch · 03/02/2011 12:27

I think that it is not unreasonable to spend what you can afford on a wedding. I think it IS unreasonable to put yourself or your family under financial strain to do so.

My sis got married and cut her wedding according to her budget; as did I. Neither of us had anything particularly flashy, we called in favours from friends and family to do as much as possible to save money. I couldn't imagine having a day that cost so much I'd be having nightmares over how to pay it off afterwards.

But then I don't like having outstanding money on my credit card at the end of the month either - that causes me nightmares too.

I think what is more unreasonable is the premium that is put on everything the second you mention the word "wedding" - that is just wrong.

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/02/2011 12:30

Katiepoes, I think the point some people are trying to make is that twice the price doesn't necessarily mean twice as wonderful a celebration for the guests.

One reason I like smaller weddings is that I get to spend time with the people I came to see, and to celebrate, in a very large wedding, it's easy to feel like a 'bit part' in their show if you are just standing around watcing them have endless photos taken, standing around watching them at the top table whilst you are miles away, it's less intimate. Now, of course, that means you wouldn't get invited to some weddings, as you would not be in that small party, but I would prefer that, and if I'm a bit peripheral, would rather go out another time to celebrate the wedding.

Obviously others feel different, but having attended about 10 'hotel' weddings in the last few years, I guess I'm a bit over that type of wedding. I go to be polite and to support the couple, I don't actually enjoy them that much.

meantosay · 03/02/2011 12:31

Also, I agree with the point that guests are often expected to fork out ridiculous money travelling to country castles in the middle of nowhere, staying overnight, going to big extravagent hen parties abroad and aforementioned hefty gift cheques.

MarshaBrady · 03/02/2011 12:32

I'm surprised that my parents seem out of the ordinary to pay for our wedding. (I mean obv we are very, very lucky my parents are around to do so).

Even the invitations were from my parents not us.

They probably knew it was the only way to have such a lovely, extravagant, yet garden-simplish affair. Was really pretty and lovely, but I would not have wished to pick up the bill!

Would those of you on here who could afford it pay for your daughter's weddings?

MrsSparkle · 03/02/2011 12:34

I had a gift list (after running through on mn of courseWink) and had a really good price range on things. Most were £10/15/20. Plenty i thought as i am not greedy and don't expect big, expensive gifts but as most people said on mn, people will want to get you a gift so better they get you something you want then something you don't need/like.

Thing is, i found that i had such reasonable prices on my gift list, people bought 2 or more items! So you can't win either way because if you put things on there for £40 and people moan but put things on there for £20 and people buy 2 and don't moanConfused

meantosay · 03/02/2011 12:35

AIBU to think there is a strange competitive streak to ths forum, whereby you get a badge if you spent hardly anything on your wedding? Seems really odd to me.

I don't think people are being any more competitive in being happy with their small inexpensive weddings than people putting on big display weddings.
I do agree though that I don't really enjoy big fancy weddings because they're just not my thing. If people can afford them, fine, I just dread having to attend.

Original poster
iJudge · 03/02/2011 12:36

I understand the notion of wanting to have everyone you care about there and spending money on the logistics of that.

I don't understand the notion of spending money on things which do not matter, it just seems so
materialistic and 'look at me'. It just seems to me that people think they can buy happiness by having the so called 'perfect day'.

I agree that memories are created no matter how much £££ is spent.

For our wedding day, our closest friends and family joined us on our holiday in Cornwall, we got married in the registry office, had photos taken with the back drop of the sea and spent the rest of the day on the beach, luckily we had the best weather there was that year. That night we had a fab meal together got very tipsy on champagne and woke a few people up with some noisy party poppers. I am not jealous of peoples big weddings, just baffled why people put themselves under that much stress on a day which is meant to be fun, even to the point of getting themselves in debt.

OP posts:
MickeyMixer · 03/02/2011 12:36

My DHs gran, very wealthy, spent seven pounds and got the cheapest thing on our list!

I knew there was a secret to accumulating great personal wealth!

LeQueen · 03/02/2011 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.