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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not cutting up grapes for my DD's 3rd Birthday party?

211 replies

cookinmama · 31/01/2011 21:51

It was my DD's birthday party at the weekend, I laid on a fab spread of food for the kids, ham & cheese sandwiches, mini sausages, some monster munch (DD's favourite) and some fruit namely Strawberries and grapes. Was a bit taken a back though when one of the other mum's grabbed the bowl of grapes away from her child, causing a bit of a tantrum and was then shocked to hear her tell her child that they weren't allowed them as they were not cut up. Hmm So should I have cut them in half or was the other mum being a bit PFB?

OP posts:
begonyabampot · 04/02/2011 09:17

Once I was aware they can pose an extra risk which seemed reasonable when you look at the shape and size of a grape then I started cutting them. Way i look at it, it's as much for me as my child, I could never forgive myself if my child choked on a grape when I had been told the risks. If you weren't aware that's fine - you aren't a mind reader - it's up to you what you do once you do hear the advice.

Original poster
cookinmama · 04/02/2011 09:30

I can't believe that this is still going! I think speedy has hit the nail on the head it is perceptions that parents have rather than there actually being a huge risk and as I will continue to put my child in my car practically everyday I will also continue not to cut up grapes.

If you feel that there is a risk (however small) carry on cutting up all the food that your child comes in contact with but don't label the non grape cutters as bad parents because we don't. None of us would want to cause our children deliberate harm we just do not see the risk as being as big as you do and I am fairly certain that they will be things that you do that I don't because I feel that the risk is too great!

OP posts:
muminthecity · 04/02/2011 09:44

I have never cut up grapes for DD, and thankfully she has never choked, though I had no idea until recently that they were such a risk. If I were doing it all over again, I'd definitely cut them up.

QuickLookBusy · 04/02/2011 09:47

Yes cook but when you put our DC in a car, you presumably lower the chances of your DC being likked in a car crash by 1.Putting them in a correct car seat 2.driving carefully

Therefore why not lower the risk of choking on a grape by taking 10 seconds to cut them up?

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/02/2011 09:47

CM cuts up grapes.
I haven't since DD was about 18 months - I taught her to BITE them in 2 & then CHEW them, and take one grape at a time.

Think she was being a bit PFB & she could have quite easily cut some into her preferred shape/size for her child without making a big deal about it.

QuickLookBusy · 04/02/2011 09:48

sorry that should be injured in a car crash

ariane5 · 04/02/2011 09:55

i cut grapes in half or quarters for my 9 year old and into about 8 pieces for ds (4) and dd2 (14mths). I do it because iam over protective and couldnt bear the thought of them choking.

Original poster
cookinmama · 04/02/2011 09:56

Yes Quick I do lower the risk by using a car seat in the same way as I have lowered the risk of grapes by teaching DD to bite a grape before popping it in her mouth.

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 04/02/2011 10:24

I really admire your self belief cook. I'm not being sarcastic, I really mean it.

I just couldn't live with myself if my 2 year old, despite being taught how you should eat a grape, had an accident and choked on one. I would blame myself.

ArsMamatoria · 04/02/2011 10:24

I would cut up grapes for a party because by the time it comes to eating, the kids tend to be sky high and distracted by what's going on around them.

But DD (3.5) has been to plenty of parties where things haven't been cut up. I certainly wouldn't expect it - I'd just keep an eye out to make sure she doesn't start stuffing whole ones into her mouth while talking/jumping around.

I don't think this woman was BU not to want her daughter to put whole grapes into her mouth, just as I don't think you were BU not to cut them up.

Yes, it is a bit odd if she just removed the grapes altogether and didn't simply break them in two herself or tell her daughter to bite them in half before eating.

You would both be BU to make a massive fuss about the other's stance, though.

ArsMamatoria · 04/02/2011 10:26

Also, at a party I'm not sure I'd trust DD to remember the 'biting in half' rule - head in the clouds at the best of times.

begonyabampot · 04/02/2011 11:02

cos kids always do everything they are told or taught.

BagofHolly · 04/02/2011 11:27

I was at a lunch a couple of years ago and was tucking into the cheese board with grapes, whilst chatting with a colleague. The colleague was mid flow about something, ate a grape, it got stuck and moments later was passed out, blue lips, the lot. After a LOT of back thumping and arms-over-head, he threw up everywhere and regained consciousness. He's 57 and a Grandad of 3, yet it just happened. I'm not suggesting EVERYONE cuts up grapes, just that choking can happen to anyone and those who say they've taught their child to chew and swallow, well, that might not always work! Cut them up or give them something less hazardous! (Quavers?! lol!)

mumeeee · 04/02/2011 11:30

I would still cut up grapes for a child of 3, When I worked at a nursery, a child of that age nearly choked on some whole grapes,

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/02/2011 11:37

Worth mentioning that while grapes may be easier than other foods to choke on, they are certainly not the only food that presents a choking danger. Actually all food does. DD has choked once about 18 months on a piece of bread.

So some of us, who are giving children the whole grape and teaching our kids how to bite and chew properly, eat when sitting down etc are just coming from the angle of teaching our toddlers/young kids how to eat properly all round, rather than demonising the "whole grape".

I don't care if you want to cut grapes up for your kids, that's you prerogative, but spare me the "bad mother eye rolling & tutting" for walking a different path.

dribbleface · 04/02/2011 11:38

My DH and me had a falling out about this one. I cut all grapes lenghtways and he gave them to him whole and thought i was being PFB about it. I was a bit surprised to go to a sure start toddler group that was serving whole grapes. A a childcare professional its something that should be covered in training or first aid ( I am a nursery nurse by the way!).

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/02/2011 11:39

At DD's nursery they have access all day to whole grapes and sometimes blueberries. The kids are all 3 +.

redrollers · 04/02/2011 11:45

would cut them for 2 year old.
Not for 3 year old.

dribbleface · 04/02/2011 11:46

Findingstufftochuckout - shocked at that, it is something that is covered in 1st aid training.

bubblewrapped · 04/02/2011 11:46

I just think the best way is to assume that not everyone would cut up a grape, therefore teach your child to always bite a grape.

If you always remove the danger, then what happens on the occasions when you are not there to watch over them. And you cannot watch them 24/7.

My granddaughter has eaten grapes, olives, peanuts since she was 3, and told to bite then chew.

My stepkids were taught the same.

Anyone, of any age can choke. Reducing the dangers by teaching your children to bite, chew and not talk when they have food in their mouth is not just teaching them good table manners, it is teaching them how to eat safely.

SpeedyGonzalez · 04/02/2011 12:22

Quicklookbusy - some parents don't use stairgates, as it happens. Their children learn to manage stairs more quickly than those with gates.

QuickLookBusy · 04/02/2011 14:32

Yes I know that Speedy. I always have used one, but as we had a neighbour whose 8 month old fell down the stairs and suffered brain damage, I have since thought they are a very good idea.

GColdtimer · 04/02/2011 15:58

I taught dd how to bite a grape and chew it and to eat properly and not mess with her food. She has been doing that for ages. I did blw so she has managed proper food from a very early age. Being 4 she forgot the rules for a moment and choked. I was one back slap away from calling an ambulace. Had she forgotten the rules eating something else she would have been fine.

So please spare me the smuggery and all the "we TEACH our children to eat properly" comments.

babybarrister · 04/02/2011 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpeedyGonzalez · 04/02/2011 16:47

Quick - I also know children who have fallen down stairs and suffered no consequences.